slide right to delete this group

i left.
this morning,
i hit “leave group” and didn’t look back.
folks was starting to move funny.
i’m not one to turn the blind eye because i’m “lonely”.
i get tf on.
people don’t truly know group etiquette anyway…

they make sure they subconsciously let you know you aren’t the “favorite”
a ton of ass kissin’ to they “get along better with”
they leave those deemed lesser out

it’s worst when it’s folks that are outcasts,
but slowly start becoming their oppressors to others.
this happens quite a lot,
especially in black and especially gay culture.

i found comfort in a group that was different from my regulars.
they were really cool and embraced me in the beginning,
but i started to realize i truly didn’t fit in with them.
honestly,
i’m not mad or feeling any kind of way.

Jamari Fox isn’t made for a group

looking back at my life,
i never was any good in groups.
Lord knows i hated group projects in school.
this one big group i was in,
they taught me that groups ain’t loyal.
i’ve always been better with like 1 or 1.
maybe a third,
but i’ve never enjoyed the group thing.
at this point of my life,
i’m good with:

my close friends that all don’t know each other
my wolf who dicks me down and is my man
the foxhole who has become my family

i’m open to many different kinds of friendships,
but count me out of big group settings.

lowkey: it’s okay to say goodbye.
there is power in leaving idiots alone. 

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

9 thoughts on “slide right to delete this group

  1. So interesting. I am very introverted and have a hard time putting myself out there. I have a couple of friends but I am usually alone. On Instagram Isee aquaintances that hang with their group of friends all the time, and I envy that so much. I often feel like I am missing out, but this post is giving me a new perspective.

    1. ^i feel like people in groups feed off certain energy.
      you can tell if you are successful in a group by how people react to you.
      some can do groups well and make everyone feel included,
      but the ones i was around look for the most popular within the group and feed off them.

      i’ve seen many groups dismantle because they had favorites or they didn’t know how to treat everyone fairly

    2. Social media (Instagram is not real life). Even if it were, you do not know the depths of those relationships. Some of those people may only pose together for the photo opp and may never say anything to each other the rest of the evening.

    3. I was in Pergola the other night with my homegirl (we’re both over 30) and a group of younger folks were at the other table in their phones not talking & barely eating. When the check came they all took pics of their food & drinks, and then started taking group pics as if they had fun the entire time. They then got up and left still in their phones and not saying a word. You aren’t missing a thing!

  2. MF’S ain’t loyal, that’s why I ride solo dolo!!! Been stabbed in the back, dogged out by some that don’t even know me. Too many personality conflicts in group settings especially in the gay community ( it can be the worst).

    1. ^ive seen it worst in gay settings.

      folks will make a separate group chat to talk about you.
      it’s a mess.
      i’ll stick to being the one who knows the groups but keeps distance from the drama.

      it’s all very “popularity contest” within groups too.

  3. I’m exhausting by the thought of hanging out in groups, it turns into a competition of who can be the loudest, funniest, most clever and people will unknowingly start acting different… then it turns into separate group chats being made or you being left out of certain activities

    I’m extremely introverted unless I’ve opened the door and let you into my inner world, I then become a battery for the ones I adore, I love seeing smiles and hearing laughs, it’s comfort for me. Another reason I avoid groups, you never know if someone woke up with bad energy, it’s hard to keep tabs on everyone, that’s when interruptions happen,

  4. Social media got folks out here in these streets acting like high schoolers! You couldn’t pay me to subject myself to the mean girls, bullies, and clout mongrels on those platforms. I used to be in a quite a few Facebook groups way back when.

    One group I was in started adding new people and kicking out original members (myself included). When the group admin posted, “let’s remove DJ” followed by that automated message that said, “you have been removed from this group”, it hurt because we had known each other longer than the new people added, but I got over it.

    Anyone who matters has my number and I have theirs. When social media ceases to exist, be prepared to hear about the en masse suicides because many will have nothing else to live for.

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