inside jamari fox

from the time i was young,
i was always moving from one place to another.
something would happen just when i thought we found a home.
we would stay with someone until we found our “temporary” home again.
i font temporary because we’d be there for a few years.

until…

when we finally found a forever home,
when i finally felt safe,
my mother died three years into it.
those three years were peaceful and that home was wonderful.
that’s why that “jlo” album takes me back there.
it came out around a time when we felt like we touched solid ground.

until…

so i worked my ass off until i could get my forever home.
a home i stayed in for over fifteen years because it felt like safety.
i’ve lost that and like the familiar from when i was young
i’m a guest in someone’s space.
adjusting to unsaid rules; learning new rhythms and moods.
honestly…

i was OD waiting for pillion to be released.
it stars alexander johan hjalmar skarsgård and harry melling.
we fonted about it ( x here ).
here i thought i’d have to wait until it was in the movies.

…and then i saw HD GIFS of scenes from the movie.
my favorite.

i read the book,
“box hill” by adam mars-jones,
and ended up hating that experience.
so when i watched the movie from the comfort of the temporary home,
i instantly noticed the differences.
i’ll try my best not to font too much spoilers…

“you have had a hard life.”

my uncle said that to me during a recent catch-up.
for once,
i felt seen by a grown adult in my family.
some of my other family members ignores their trauma with religion.
i think it’s easier for him because he watched from the outside.
my mother and him were the rebellious ones; they bounced.
they didn’t stay to deal with what we dealt with.
something clicked after he said it because my whole life,
i’ve been yearning for an easier and softer life.
i think i’ve been lucky,
but luck always came wrapped in bullshit.
on top of that:

i had my own hurt slowing me down.

right now,
i’m being forced to process something from when i was 7 or 8.
a moment that unlocked everything…

i mean,
if this is your manz and he wanted to pound you in a parking garage,
would you say no?

i wanted to refresh my memory of joshua’s sex life before “back to black”.
allegedly fonting since nothing has been confirmed.
if you know or didn’t,
joshua use to be “out here out here“.
i can’t remember if his videos leaked since he is/was a model,
or he didn’t give one ounce of a damn.
that white fox often looked extreme satisfied,
did he not?…

*This content is intended for audiences 18+. By accessing this page, you acknowledge that you are of legal age and agree to view adult or mature-themed material. All stories, images, and commentary are fictionalized or speculative unless otherwise stated.

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i remember when jtrusty was pounding that white fox in the parking garage.

i always assumed joshua aka @jtrusty was into the white meat more.
every single sex video i have seen with him,
he has been with a white male.
i think he was dating (married?) the same one he was sharing an OF relationship with.
so when one of the F-BI sent me this:

because of this photo-shoot with @ajboardraye…

after the jill scott x erykah badu “verzuz” when we were locked down in the rona,
someone defined them as:

“jill’s music is thank you for the experience.
erykah’s music is thank you for experiencing me.”

that continues to live rent free in my head.
jill scott had an interview with angie martinez that also lives rent free in my head.
she touched on a lot of points.

one point she brought up bought up the whole building in my head.

“dom/sub“ (dominant submissive)

that is what jill described herself as.
the first part is how you move through the forests,
while the second part is how you want to feel in love/sex.
a “dom/sub“ is…