On the Brink of Soul Sucking Purgatory

ugh, leave me alone.


i love my aunt dearly, but she is trying to turn me out…. again.
turn me out into something i am not ready for.
i have been there and done that already.
i’m not trying to go in there again…

my aunt has become a jehovah’s witness.
she is screaming it to the high heavens.
every conversation is about her religion.
it gives me a headache.
i have been dealing with tough times as of late.
i am still holding onto my own personal faith i will see the light.
this morning, we actually spoke on the phone and the entire conversation was about jehovah.
she is telling me i will find my happiness joining the JWI or “jehovah’s witnesses illuminati“,
as i like to call them.

she says my tough times will disappear once i go to to that church.
she says i will suddenly be in a better place.
she even said that i’m praying wrong.
it got my mind all fucked up.
sorry for the cursing.

why do i feel like i will become a robot?
i do i feel like i will become trapped in a cage hanging over some sharks?
why do i not believe anything she tells me?
why do i complete condemn that religion as one huge cult?
you do something wrong and they banish you.
that means your family will not even speak to you.
i don’t know what you have to do to get back in.
kill a goat or drink vampire blood.
i dunno…

she compared my struggle to the prodigal son.
just in a spiritual sense.
like the prodigal son, i will come back to the JWI and things will be fantastic again.
i will suddenly have money and be able to afford my expensive things.

i believe in god.
i am more spiritual.
i pay my tithes every week.
i do affirmations morning and night.
i pray every morning and night.

shit,
am i doing something wrong?
or, is signing my life away to the JWI the answer to all my problems?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

24 thoughts on “On the Brink of Soul Sucking Purgatory

  1. You should go, and you probably need it. LOL. I just went to church on a couple of weeks ago, and that was my first time going in a year. It was a good service tho. If you do decide to go let us know how it went.

    When was the last time you went to church anyway?

      1. Since she’s your aunt she’s going to make you go anyway, so you might as well agree to it LOL. You know how older people are. They will blame all your bad luck on you not going to church.

      2. Earlier this year? That’s the problem. One thing I know for certain is the more you praise him for what he has done the more he will pour out. Have ever heard that praying by yourself is okay but whenever two or more are together then God is definitely in the midst. You need to find a Church home where you can go and GROW. Trust me which is a lot easier said then done especially being from the south. But their are some great Churches out there that will encourage you on your walk of faith. You can’t do it by yourself Jamari

      3. Personal reasons my ass.LOL What personal reasons? Please explain Jamari Fox.

        I even plan to go a couple of more times before I head back off to school.

  2. I don’t think u need to join The JWI … It sounds like u Kno who Jesus is … Thats all u need … Those are two different religion they believe in something a little different …. Christians believe in The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost. I’m reinterating what Fly Fox said u need some where where u can Grow … Find a Church … Everyone has a church home … Celebs, athletes, and etc. The benefit of having a church home is they are always praying for even when u can’t or don’t feel like praying for urself they got your back … Yolanda Adams said it best “I love having a church home because there is a covering that consumes you while traveling .. When ppl try to test there is a peace, when ppl try to convert you … There is a knowing of what u believe in” and that stuck wit me till this day … She said some years ago. But mayb u could try a few churches and how u like them… Last thing imma say wherever u go …. Jesus is going to be your life Commitment …. I Kno you can do it …, love u wit the words of my mouth …
    Kris

      1. I agree with chris. It’s not easy finding a good church especially since a lot of preachers believe if your gay your going to hell or they try to tell you to pray until your straight. That’s why I love my pastor bcuz I told him I was gay and he told me good bcuz I know what cross I have to carry. He believes we all have a cross to carry.

  3. Just love God, and Love yourself and other, thats all God wants… I believe God is for everyone,I refuse to join a religion that believes that only 144,000 will make it to heaven, out of the billions of good people on earth… my aunt was a Jehovah Witness, I never understand why….

  4. My parents ambushed me about going to church just a week ago too.

    I haven’t been inside a church in almost two years.

    Dad: Do you watch church online?

    Me: Nooooo

    Dad: Do you pray?

    Me: Ummm Nooooo.

    Dad: I didn’t raise no devils.

    But holding me down and casting homosexual demons out when I was teenager doesn’t help the cause much either.

      1. Lol now every time I call them its “Do you believe in God?” or “Don’t let the devil use you”.

        Granted, I do have a mean streak going and I can be an angry person and they’ve seen that, but being the devil is stretching it a bit.

  5. It’s all about your personal relationship with God. You can be spiritual, and not religious. Some tend to mix the two. While it is great to fellowship with other believers, I can understand why you would be turned off. Theres an ugly stigma that Christians are blamed for, but don’t let that prevent you from going to church to get what YOU need.

  6. Honestly, I’m not against religion at all. I’m just not going to allow anyone to force it down my throat.

    I don’t doubt there is a God, but I don’t believe he cares anything about me, and I’m not saying that for a bunch of Christians to come in and tell me the contrary. That’s just how I feel.

    1. Awww. Yea I have been where you have been, and I’m steal recovering.

      I wish I could hug you right now, sounds like you really need it.

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