my Foxhole survival tips for the corporate trenches of hell and high water

Have you ever wondered why we all feel this pressure to overachieve at work,
even when we know it’s a trap?

this morning,
pose hit me with a question that stopped me in my tracks:

“Have you learned any other lessons from working in corporate?”

…and,
well,
the truth is…

Yes but not the kind of lessons that make it onto a resume.

of everything i’ve learned,
there’s something that’s stuck with me through every office job:

“Mind (some of) your business and do just about enough.”

we’re all so eager to bite off more than we can chew,
because we are desperate to prove we’re indispensable.
we want the promotion,
the praise,

and the validation we’re lacking somewhere else in life.

here’s the reality check:

No one cares that you have the superpower of overachieving.

when you make that your calling card,
all you’re really doing is waving a flag that says:

“I’m free real estate.”

suddenly,
you’re everyone’s go-to workhorse,
while the slackers who kiss ass and do nothing?

somehow,
that become your new manager and want to get rid of you.

it’s like those high school nerds doing the popular kids’ homework.
they weren’t doing it because they loved extra credit.
it was a bid for acceptance.
spoiler alert: it still won’t get you a seat at the cool table.

so what have i learned from my time in the corporate trenches?
let me break it down:

  1. do just enough, and never turn things in too early. make it perfect, but hand it over right at the deadline. you’re not there to impress anyone. you’re there to do your job and get paid.
  2. network outside your department. if your team sucks, start laying the groundwork elsewhere. if the whole company sucks? plot your exit strategy.
  3. ask yourself: what’s your endgame? are you climbing the ladder? or just sticking it out until something better comes along? either way, know your timeline and stick to it.
  4. only stab co-workers in the back if they’re coming for you first. maintain your boundaries, but also, understand that everyone could be a potential ally. people think only networking with the popular ones gets them in the door. that’s soooooo amateur hour.

    The janitor who I met at one of my past jobs, who is one of my best friends today, tipped me off about some scandalous shit involving my position. Another janitor from my first job did the same and I was able to double cross the bitch before she could fire me.

    The popular ones have their place but so does everyone else too. Don’t be like these other idiots who don’t speak to everyone because they think they’re better than them.

  5. watch what the other Romans are doing. sometimes it’s smart to hit happy hour and other times, it’s best to take your ass home. stay unpredictable. i’m still UN-decided on fuckin’ people at work.

    Sometimes, yay; other times, it’s best not to shit where you feast. The ones I really wanted to fuck but didn’t ended up being the best decision i ever made tbh. God protected me heavy.

  6. learn to tame the office bitch. sometimes they’re a jackal; sometimes she’s an asset. either way, play your position and be ready to strike—because if you don’t, they will. observe their behavior as well. check for any thing you can use in taming them. many of these folks in higher positions are bitches because work is the only place they have power. outside of work, they are nobodies wanting to be liked.

and let’s be 110%,
they can be Foxhole survival tips for life too.

the cunning foxes,
wolves,
and hybrids out there already know how to apply them.
the rest have to learn and figure it out the hard way.

So what’s your next move?

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