i will never forget being a cub and going out with my father one day.
i had to be about 8 or 9.
i was very shy growing up.
i literally only spoke when spoken too.
my father brought me to show me off to one of his friends.
it was some older males and one older vixen.
i remember i was sitting in the front seat of his car.
i was literally just sitting there.
this older male looks at me and says:
your son is soft.
he real soft.”
i will never forget…
…how much that hurt me.
even fonting about it makes me cringe.
i was already getting thrown side jabs from my mother,
and struggling with why i thought this wolf in class was cute,
but i saw the disappointment in my father when his friend said it.
so from that day on,
i tried to be mister “yeah i gets these bitches”.
i suspect that’s how most of us were growing up.
there are three types of potential gays out here:
a) the ones who use their dicks to determine their sexuality
they fuck a lot of vixens to throw folks off their scent
b) the ones who think talking about gays makes them look straight
they think being homophobic makes them look straight
c) the ones who simply adapt to their surroundings to get through the day
they emulate their straight family members actions to look the part
i was a c.
i was talking to one of my foxholers in dms the last night.
i mentioned how low energy i was about my current situation.
looking for a career move rather than going back to corroborate.
“you have such a large platform,
but you’re not using it to it’s full potential.”
at that point,
i realized that all throughout my life,
i was raised to worry what everyone thought.
my mother was the main offender.
that rubbed off on me at school and being in the forests.
one of the biggest reasons i dropped out of high school.
after that incident with my father’s friend,
he was worried his friends would think his son was a “faggot”.
so my father tried to enroll me in every sport,
while my mother didn’t want me to get my clothes dirty.
it was a very confusing time.
i’ll add this again for my mood during those days:
all of that manifested into not being comfortable in my own fur.
so now that i have one of the biggest platforms that i don’t even realize,
one of my biggest worries is (or was)…
Would anyone take me serious with a gay website?
…and i know that is soooo small time,
but it has been why i just wrote with no future goals.
i never thought i’d be taken seriously so i fell into that mindset.
my parents made me feel bad with the idea of being myself.
this journey as a blogger showed me how little things effected my life.
why i’m not where i’d like to be.
some of us are not where we need to be due to things from our past.
so we gotta start boxing up those things so we can move forward.
we gotta confront so we can conquer.
it’s scary af and i’m scared.
trust me tho,
i’m with you too.
lowkey: folks gotta raise their cubs better.
this is kinda the reason i didn’t want cubs.
i didn’t want to destroy my offspring like mine did to me.