(in) between me and you

most folks don’t ever talk about their “in between” phase.
you ever notice that?
the “in-between” is like the points on a “12 inch ruler.

you can think of those as the times in between the grind.
it’s from when you got into struggle and when you got out.
most folks don’t ever mention those moments.
it was a time when it either made them bitter or better.
we are so use to seeing the after tho.
the “buying gucci” and “being able to eat at stk”.
what about the times they couldn’t afford any of that?
when you was at they was at their wits end?

they don’t mention when

they had to call a friend at 2am because they were so full of doubt
there was “team no sleep” for real because they were racked with worry
they ate dollar pizzas because it was the only thing they could afford
nothing was in the fridge besides a box of baking soda and ketchup
they binged watched an entire season of “everything”
no one was calling, texting, and the phone was like the sahara
you were reaching out to folks in your career and getting ignored
the hours upon hours they felt both lost and suicidal

no one speaks/fonts about those times,
but see i think it’s important to acknowledge them.

1) it humbles tf outta you
2) it lets those know that when you were in-between,
there were moments when the momentum was lost

there was not always energy found to send emails or get in the studio.
money was funny and it was a sold out show.
some days,
it was hard to get out of bed.
some weeks,
you spent it just sitting on your couch being lazy af.
i’m not buying folks was out here acting like robots every day.
they were making money moves from sun up to sun down.
there is always a grind,
but there is also those down times when shit really sunk in.

i’m broke af right now.

i think it’s honest to admit that.
there are:


…and other craetives who feel like they aren’t doing something right.
they are wondering if this is even worth it.
i like to share my in-betweens so when i look back,
i can remember what i went through.
from the depression to the tinest of wins.
it will help those on the come up who are struggling to keep it together.
right now:

i don’t feel 100% health wise,
my brain is outta whack,
and i don’t know who tf i’m sending a pitch email at the moment.
i feel lost and would rather finish up “this is us”,
continue “marvels agent of shield”,
and binge my other shows.
i don’t have a lot of motivation.
and i’m feel over everything today,

but tomorrow could be totally different.

that’s my honest “in between” answer.
sometimes the momentum is on a low heat,
but once it’s turned back on,
that’ll be what gives you the determination to make it.

“sometimes you need a little time to let things suck.”– teenage kevin, this is us

4 thoughts on “(in) between me and you

  1. You’ve been on a roll here lately, Bro. Keep it coming. You are breaking chains for somebody. You are giving someone permission to just “be”. You are leveling obstacles in some Fox’s life. I am grateful to be here to see it unfold. Asè, Brother.

  2. That is completely true. Every move is not going to lead to something greater; there will be setbacks or just long awkward pauses. I went through IT the last 2 years. There were a lot of filling out job applications, dead-end interviews, lousy short term jobs, unhealthy tv show binges, $10 to my name, asking others for money, late nights wondering if things will get better, and of course depression. Thankfully by the grace of God, I made it to the other side and you will too. This life can break you down, and I know it’s very difficult, but have to keep trying and keep your faith. Everything’s not perfect now, but when I look back to where I was this time last year, I just wonder how did I make it through. You will soon have those moments too, just keep pushing forward and use these hard times as motivation. Another note, it’s okay to mope and be sad, just don’t stay there too long. You got this, J.

    1. ^thank you for sharing this j.

      even though it’s been 3 weeks,
      i’m trying to clear through the mental and emotional rubble to my next forest.

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