How Complex Enough Are You To Be A Groupie?

Well this survey done with a bunch of annon NFL players will help you determine…

Complex LOVES to do features on groupies. Since the NFL season officially kicks off on Thursday, they thought it would be fun to include a “Groupie Survey.” They surveyed NFL players on groupie love, activities and other matters of the Groupie lifestyle. Some of their answers are hilarious. While others get the SERIOUS SIDE-EYE from me.

 How big of a problem are groupies?

“You really have to protect yourself. Now, not every baby mama is a groupie, but you see a lot of women seeking the benefits of NFL players. I try to be fair that women are naturally attracted to successful men and that [includes] athletes. But now with groupies, it’s a bigger beast.” – An NFC South Pro Bowler

“A big problem because a lot of guys that never really had ‘em before have ‘em now, and they don’t now how to act with the new attention. Groupies are really bad because they destroy homes. A lot of these players are married with children. These groupies don’t give a fuck at all about a man being married. They just care about themselves and what they can get out the situation.” – A free agent safety

Side eye #1

“Groupies are really bad because they destroy homes”  Really? These men aren’t adults with a CHOICE? Isn’t the man that’s married supposed to care? Maybe I have that twisted…

“Not a problem unless you let them be a problem.” – One of the best defensive tackles in the game

Thank YOU!!

 What city has the most?

“New York, L.A., Miami, Houston, Vegas and wherever the big events are.” – A cornerback for a team on the East Coast

“Miami, L.A. and Phoenix.” – An East Coast Pro Bowler

“Dallas, Houston…especially Atlanta, and Jacksonville has them too. The women in Puerto Rico and Brazil are easy but they really could care less that you play in the NFL. They just know that you’re from out of town and want to show you a good time.” – A free agent safety

 What city has the hottest groupies?

“Houston, L.A. and Miami.” – An NFC South Linebacker

“You can never go wrong with Atlanta, and Miami would be a close second.” – State of Florida lineman

Phoenix for sure.” – A current Pro Bowler and Super Bowl champion

What city has the ugliest groupies?

“Since they are small towns, Buffalo or Green Bay. They may have some diamonds in the rough though.” – AFC East rookie

 What’s the age of the oldest groupie that’s approached you?

“About 40.” – NFC South cornerback

“48.” – East Coast offensive tackle

She looked 50, but I don’t know.” – AFC North rookie

Of the groupies that you’ve seen, what race are most of them?

“Black, but that’s just the environments I’m in. I hear other teammates talk about white girls and Latino girls being just as bad.” – An anonymous#57

Side-eye #2

Wow, just wow…

What’s the most money you’ve spent on a groupie at one time?

“None…they’re groupies. You don’t have to spend money on ‘em.” – Free agent free safety

Side eye #3

Everything has a price…

“This girl wasn’t a groupie, but a chick I was dating. Me and her went to hang out and it was $500 times 2 for travel, $300 for food, throw away money about $200, hotel about $800 and that’s $2300 for a three-day weekend. Now imagine if you have a groupie, and y’all are staying in the Fontainebleau in Miami and hitting clubs and buying tables. You can easily spend $5K without blinking.” – NFC offensive guard

What hotels are the easiest to sneak them in on the road?

“Any hotel, you just have to do it right. The floor that the players are on has security, so a lot of times players just get a room in the same hotel on a regular floor.” – Former NFC East safety

Strictly an NFL issue, the NBA and MLB don’t have mandatory curfews

How do they get in contact with you?

“Social media mostly. They also give you the groupie stare at the club too. Just stare at yo’ ass until you speak to them. Be hypnotizing guys [laughs].” – NFL Pro Bowl lineman

“They just stare at us when we’re in the club. Like deliberately. It’s like you’re going to the dog pound, and they’re just waiting to get chosen. They will literally stare at you in VIP until you ask them if they want to come to VIP.”  – An anonymous #24

“Mainly in the clubs. Anytime there is a big event like a Super Bowl or All-Star weekend, they are around. They make sure to get your attention by the way they dress or they’ll approach you. I’ve had girls slip their number in my pocket before. When they come up to me, they’ll say they’re your biggest fan or ‘I can tell you play football by the way you’re built.’” – Former NFC East safety

“You’ll see them digging you just by eye contact, and most guys go after those girls. A woman can’t make a man want her. A groupie is just an easy opportunity. They just be thirsty. Then you have the ones who play like they don’t know who you are. They know the rosters and they do their homework. Heck, she’s not bright if she hasn’t done her homework.” – An anonymous#96

Guess that means they appreciate the sport of the chase right?

“I’ve had a waitress see that I’m big by my size. Once she took my credit card for the meal, she remembered my name or wrote it down or whatever and gave me my receipt. Within five minutes of leaving the restaurant, I get hit up on Twitter, and it’s her with a nude twitpic talking bout ‘This is what I look like fresh out the shower after work.’” – An anonymous #75

What’s the craziest groupie story that’s happened to you?

“In L.A. this chick domed me and my partners up. We left the room and our other homeboy went in to go fuck. We hear her moaning in the room, we’re laughing. And then all of a sudden we hear this weird noise. We thought she was choking him. We ran into the room to see what was going on, and it turns out that when he busted his nut, he threw up on her at the same time. Shit was hilarious and disgusting.” – NFL Pro Bowl tackle

Ummm, ICK!!

“A girl was waiting outside my house. I wasn’t answering her calls or texts. Then all of a sudden she just started knocking on my door. I called the cops. [Laughs.] She knew I was inside, but I never came to the door because I had company. The police were calling her name outside and everything, talking about ‘[Player’s name] called us and told us you were making a disturbance.’ And then she’s like, ‘Oh, so HE IS HOME!’ really loud. It was funny.” –Pro Bowl defensive lineman

That’s HILARIOUS, but why not just tell her before you called the cops… Oh wait, he probably did.

“I was at a DC club with a couple well-known guys. We’re at the table chilling, and two girls walk up to us. One of them was playing shy, and the other just came right out and said whoever gets up first is coming home with me tonight. No one got up, we just looked at her and busted out laughing.” – NFL Free Agent defensive back

Side eye #4

Wow, first you slut yourself out and then nobody even takes you up on your offer. How sad.

“I met a girl on Twitter from Texas. She hit me up and asked me to mentor some kids. I told her I don’t live in Texas but I’ll do it in the offseason, which was around the corner. We exchange numbers, and I get a picture from her the next day. She says it was an accident and she meant to send it to her brother. It was a regular pic, I told her she looked nice. I was just being cordial, no flirting or nothing. We’re just talking casually, and then she hits me the next day and says, ‘If you liked yesterday’s pic, you’re going to love this one’…she was ass naked! All of a sudden, she wants to come to the city I play in and visit me, etc. I’m not biting though.

“We continued to talk for about two weeks and shit’s just not adding up. I looked at the people she followed and I swear everyone was in the NFL or NBA. I asked her if any of the guys ever helped her with her charity, and she said they all try to holla at her. I asked her why she still follows them then, and she said she loves sports and is a tomboy.

“I remember hearing about a little scam some groupies had going on, so I asked her to send me a pic, which she did. I sent her one back holding my cup and making a funny face. I asked her to send me a picture mocking the pose I just sent her. Guess what? She said her camera was broke. [Laughs.] I stopped talking to her.

“Maybe two weeks later, I’m talking to my teammate and he describes the exact same situation. I told him to let me see the pics, and the same girl sent him all the same pics she sent me. It didn’t make any sense, because what if I had flown her to my city? What was her explanation going to be for not looking the same in the pictures she sent me? Maybe she wanted to ask me for money and thought I’d give it to her, I don’t know. That’s the craziest thing that’s happened to me though as far as groupies go.” – Pro Bowl NFC offensive lineman

I wonder how many guys flew the chick in only to get caught up with a bait and switch? The DM game on Twitter is a BEAST. Now, people just try to Skype before they pull out that credit card

What’s the craziest groupie story you’ve heard about?

“We meet this one chick and chop it up with her in the lobby. She says she’s down to suck us all up. Me and my homeboy stay down in the lobby at the bar and my other friend goes up to the room with the girl. We get up there about 15 minutes later, and the girl is crying. My friend is cussing her out bad calling her all types of hoes. She sucked him up, but I have no idea why she was crying. My homeboy that was with me at the bar went up to her and was trying to get a blowjob and she said she didn’t want to do it. She put her hands back in her face. His dick was already out so he’s standing next to her and all of a sudden bust on her shoulder. She raises up and was like ‘Are you serious?’ and just lost it and started laughing actually. It was pretty funny.” – Pro Bowl right tackle

Ummm, really? Just ewwwww. To All of them.

“We were at the club one night. We had a table and there was a group of girls next to us at another table. There were about ten of them. Well my homeboy got to chopping it up and he fucked all 10 of them in one night. I have no clue how he did it.” – #29 who shall remain nameless 

Side-eye #5

Is that some sort of athlete stamina? Can you DO that? And who lets that happen? Was it some sort of sisterhood initiation. I find it hard to believe that a group of 10 FRIENDS are going out like that. Nope, I’m not rolling with this one.

Source: Jock and Stiletto Jill

I couldn’t do it.
I love a Baller Wolf like the next person,
but groupies to me = convenient cum dumpsters.

Waiting outside arenas
Trying to get in VIP
Hiding in luggage carts

I’d be damned.

I’d rather have VIP seating in the arena
Fuck trying to get in VIP: I AM VIP.
My Louies goes to my hotel room and me and my Baller Wolf play a game of Hide and Go Freak

It must be so tiring to be a groupie.
Any groupies reading:

What is that life like?

7 thoughts on “How Complex Enough Are You To Be A Groupie?

  1. Forget groupies, people like this exist on A4A and BGC and all that. Especially the fake pic scam. And the desperation. And all that. It’s so sad this exists. I wish self-esteem could be given as vaccinations. Thanks Jamari for educating these readers.
    I love me a baller too, but not some of the ones described here. Some sound like animals. I don’t care if I’m being chased and not treated like a groupie; these are the memories that they carry, and I am not willing to settle for that.

    1. ^ I agree.
      I could never be a groupie.
      and you are absolutely right…
      The Bone Collectors on Facebook, BGC, Twitter, and all these other online sites with the 130 comments with 1 picture….

      all groupie bs and Im not with it.
      I’ll be the same one they fall for because I wouldn’t be so pressed.

  2. Ehhhh this is what grinds my gears the fact that the ballers go after these thirsty hoe not knowin what they have. But we all like sex I guess it’s human. I wonder how many of thes groupies were really foxes and they didn’t want to disclose????

  3. That is how desperate people have gotten? I could not imagine belittling myself for a man like that. And these are probably really pretty fysh who can pull plenty of guys. Phoenix, Arizona has the prettiest groupies? I think we all know their ethnicity lol.

    “A woman can’t make a man want her. A groupie is just an easy opportunity.” That part really stood out to me. Don’t chase these men. You only come off like you’re thirsty. This was really good to know.

  4. Lmao you have to frequent the parties hosted by athletes to see the top notch women. When Chad, Terrell, or Derrick Rose come to town the finest ones are hunting.

    You can’t go by the tatted, ratchet, lace front wearing uglies you see at thes hood 18&up clubs. In Houston, whatever clubs you go to distinctly affects what kind of people you’ll be surrounded by.

  5. First off…since when does Houston have the hottest groupies? Most of them women I see look like ugaboos. And I could never be that thirsty lol

    1. Lmao! You can’t count the ratchet, tatted up, lace front wearing ones you see in the 18 & up club all the time.

      Go to indmix and look at the women at parties hosted by athletes and you’ll see the better looking black women. Then on top of that we have a big variety of white and hispanic women (they are groupies too).

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