God, Forgive Them For Their Sins

BeHqB-HCcAEXRZqif you know me,
one of my favorite sentences in life is:

“i have a question?”

well since you all know me through this blog,
i have a question for all of you who read me daily.
have you ever asked yourself…

Am I doomed?
Can anyone honestly answer this?…

at what point do you look around and say to yourself,
“are all the stars aligning for me to die?”
i’m just asking.
as you can see by that thing above,
the government is taking a recess again.
10 days.
won’t be back until the 27th of january to have another vote on this unemployment debacle.
that means 1 million of us will be in limbo,
asking questions,
wondering what to do next,
and how to turn a dollar into a full blown meal.
all while sitting in the dark letting the demons get a hold of our souls.
while everyone else is celebrating super bowl wins or toasting at elegant parties,
somewhere someone is putting a shot gun in their mouth to end it all.
maybe not a shot gun.
drinking a cocktail made of 20 sleeping pills and gramoxone.
ya know,
for flavor.
they may have every reason to.
how does one go from paying their taxes,
being loyal citizens,
 following the rules all their lives to being the shit under someone’s shoe?
now these people are unemployed to no fault of their own.
 “losers who want handouts”.
they’re being judged harshly by people with jobs,
getting the run around by potential job seekers,
don’t know who you can trust anymore,
and left to wonder:

“did i do something wrong?
is this my karma?
what did i do wrong to deserve this?”

so now that you read that,
i have another question?
are those totally acceptable reasons to kill yourself?
when all hope is lost and all you see is dark.
you try your hardest to make things work.
reaching out to people and they’re not there.
you think something comes along to save you and “eh, not so much”.
what do you do?
when you are at judgment,
will god understand why you had to kill yourself?
having to line all your children up,
killing them one by one,
because you didn’t want them to go through the hell of being in foster care.
writing all your loved ones that you tried your hardest,
but nothing is working.
you can’t leave the state because,
how are you gonna pay for it?
i’m starting to wonder about being pushed down to the wire.
the american dream is now a nightmare.
will god will bend the rules and let you into heaven?
will he understand?
or like our goverment,
drag you to hell with the rest.

iPJgRdPxPNOAitumblr_m2lrudYwod1qjp24go1_500i had to wonder…

What is the answer?

13 thoughts on “God, Forgive Them For Their Sins

  1. ok

    i’m good.
    not in the “kill myself” mood at all.
    fuckin angry as hell i am being held up like some slacker.
    i was actually keeping up with the news of the vote.
    when it said they are all going on another fuckin vacation,
    i read all the comments from facebook.com/aboutjobsearch.
    all from frustrated people.
    many who wanted to take their own lives.
    i read about people who had good jobs who were laid off.
    women with kids and no money to feed them.
    i saw a comment from a chick who said her son looks forward for school just to get lunch.
    the inspiration came from what was going through their minds.
    hell, mine.
    its all really annoying and kinda depressing.
    hated that the day was dedicated to this.
    the bullshit of old white men with their underwear so far up their crack they can’t think straight.
    so after that entry,
    i had no other words or energy left to blog.
    thanks for the comments and concern.

  2. Are you considering taking advantage of the tuition waiver program for unemployment, maybe get a free degree out of it?

    1. ^i am on emergency benefits and never told me shit about it.
      i would have def been in community college getting my communications degree.
      hell getting some college study peen while i’m at it.

      1. Doesnt matter if on emergency or not, you qualify and can take up to as many credits possible, shyt people I know when to Rider, Rutgers and Seton Hall for free because of it.

      2. Plus there is federal grant money of independent status students, which you would be. Then work study depending on the school you go to can range up to 30k for the school year. Theres the Pell Grant in which isn’t a loan and doesn’t need to be paid back. Grants.gov can help you pay tuition bills, and the FASFA can tell you what you qualify for. Sometimes the individual school has grants specifically for minorities and what not. Always worth a look at.

      3. There is this grant program which I think you would excel in

        Creative Writing Fellowships

        Fellowships in fiction, poetry, and creative nonfiction enable recipients to set aside time for writing, research, travel, and general career advancement. Non-matching grants are for $25,000. This year’s guidelines are for poetry fellowships.

        Deadline: March 12, 2014
        Notification: December 2014
        Earliest Start Date: January 1, 2015


  3. No those are not acceptable reasons to kill yourself. My issue is this. Why give up and quit when you have a future to look forward to? None of us know what the future holds. My aunt of tells me that all the time, and from my experiences it is definitely true. Sometimes I think back to my past and say “damn after all the shit I been through I made it this far.” After years of bad behavior growing up, my dad being an alcoholic, and me having to help look after my mother for seven years til she passed, I am still here. I am in college and I am happier than I have been in years man. I visioned myself going to school, but I never thought I’d be hours away from home in the city living on my own. At times I still can’t believe it.

    You think Tyler Perry knew he would become this big? After a childhood filled with molestation, and broke to the point that he had to live out of his car for a minute, he had all these extraordinary ideas that came to life years later. He suffered for a long time mentally, physically and financially, than a lot of people who are complaining and sweating over failure just after one or two years. At least you have tasted success and know what it feels like, some people have never tasted that shit or had to go through shit for years to get it. People crying cause they do not have a man, upset because Subway is out of tomatoes, mad because they got dirt on their Jordan’s when they have 10 pairs in the closet. Really? At times it bugs me, be grateful that you made it as far as you have. People go through life and think shit is supposed to be easy af, but that is not the way it works. Easy Street does not exist.

    Jamari, these two years you have been jobless are very small compared to the many years you have left in your life for blessings to come, not to mention all the years you have left to work. I know you are in your late 20’s or early 30’s right? Most do not retire until there are 65, so you still got over three decades to reinvent yourself, which is a long time for good things to come.

  4. No, Jamari, you’re not doomed. Millions of people are in the same boat. At times like this, we can wallow in our sorrow which accomplishes nothing, or we can take action. The comments I posted the other day laid out in detail constructive measures we can take. Members of Congress are back in their home districts on recess. This is a perfect time to have your relations throughout the country to go to their District offices, demanding that their reoresentatives reinstate funding for unemployment insurance. Flood their offices with phone calls and emails. I laid out everything in my recent post. I didn’t take the time to write it to exercise my fingers. Please re-read my comments. Trust me, this is my arena. It’s how the game is played. It’s not about what’s right. Life is not fair. These people want you to die off. They would love that you commit suicide. For them it would mean one less one of us. Don’t give them the pleasure. Again, my comments are there for you and everybody else. We are in this together.

  5. I could see how this economy could drive one to not want to exist, BUT keep fighting Jamari. Just make sure youre using ALL your resources. You may even have to work in a field that your not used to, but see it as a challenge and a new experience. You are not doomed. You always have a choice.

  6. 1. You are not doomed. The TeapubliKlan party will likely approve the Unemployment benefits for people like you sooner or later. It will likely happen before the election. How close to the election. I don’t know and won’t hazard a guess.
    2. It’s not a good reason for suicide. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

    If push comes to shove, you can move in with a friend or relative. You are also a handsome gay man. I few posts ago, I said that those with currency can spend it and that those without currency can beg. There’s no need for you to beg. There are plenty of handsome, desirable men who would love to take you in and give you a place to lay your head (and cock your legs a la girlfriends of Hugh Hefner at the Playboy Mansion).

  7. There is no answer it doesn’t matter if your gay straight or tri the game is fixed. We are all playing with borrowed money. We are not people to the higher ups with power

    (whoever they may be everything seems to shift so much now, who knows maybe the ones with power problaby jumped ship and left the country)

    But that’s were we are not as a country but as a people on this planet. I been in the military during this recession and travel around the world and believe you me EVERYBODY’s feeling it

    I’ve been on here before and left comments and because of my views on certain things been called white minded but I could care less.

    Because the fact of the matter is these social problems we think we need to solve like racism prejudice and discrimination (albeit they are important) just keeps us less focused on the real problem of everyone being a number that can be bought are sold

    Say what you want but we are all slaves to the globalized system…

  8. Maybe we should all put that curse like Marie and Fiona did to those witch hunters to make the republicans lose their money and see how it feels.

Comments are closed.