what i thought was a storm ended up not being one?
there was a point last year that i didn’t want to write anymore.
there was times i’d take 2 or 3 days from updating the foxhole.
i was tired,
stressed out,
depressed,
filled with anxiety,
and falling victim to the mixed signals of other males.
i wanna font about redirection today.
we might go kicking and screaming out of our comfort zones,
but it’s often times a blessing you don’t see yet.
let’s go back to janurary of this year…

so as you know,
i was upset that i got let go from my last job.
i ended up on the unemployment line,
but it was not enough to survive on.
i was literally hanging on by a thread and it was getting harder and harder to stay afloat.
it was difficult to find another job in corporate because i felt worthless af.
being another temp at a “maybe not” position made me suicidal.
as i was sinking into this dark abyss,
i was distracted by watching my old co-workers ig stories.
they were having fun,
the job seemed to have been poppin’,
and they were moving on without me.
it was hard to admit to myself that i was just a passing fancy to them.
other folks got the love and i was thrown to the trash.

Here comes the Rona and where all the changes happened…

so we are all on lock down and can’t do shit anymore.
everything is at a standstill.
i had a breakdown because there was talks about stocking up with food and essentials,
but i could barely afford all of my bills.

Here comes the glory of God and The Universe

*i ended up being blessed with the stimulus,
my taxes,
and qualifying for the extra money in unemployment.
that fuckin’ helped me DRAMATICALLY.
i can’t even explain to you the blessing that was for my life.
i was able to pay off bills and i’m working on my credit cards.

*i thought this would be the perfect time to start working on my skin.
my skin exploded due to all the stress,
plus i had lost so much weight in my face.
i started to research the right products that will help me achieve my goals.
my skin is so clear and smooth that i’m satisfied with what i’ve been doing.

*when i was searching for a therapist before,
i was never able to find one that matched my schedule.
since i lost my job,
i qualified for free insurance from the state.
since they were advertising mental health services because of the rona,
i was able to land a therapist via FT sessions.

*since i had no distractions,
i was able to fully commit to my passion again.
i started to go super hard with the foxhole.
so much so,
my google analytics for this month is 800k.
i revealed myself to the foxhole and to people in my life who didn’t even know i had a blog.
i feel super confident these days rather than how i felt in the past.
even tho the podcast didn’t hit the way i thought it would,
i’ll return to trying it again on a later date.

*i got closer to a few ex co-workers and foxholers i never thought i would.
they hit me up everyday,
we do the “inside work” together,
and we lean on each other when our spirits feel heavy.
they have moved past from the swamps and valleys they were in as well.
it’s a beautiful thing to watch people realize their worth and start to execute it.

let’s say i was still at that job,
i don’t think any of this would have happened.
i would probably have been driven crazy.
as of right now,
i’m the strongest and feeling the sexiest i’ve ever been.
foxhole…

Everything happens for a reason.
Don’t fight the change because it’s usually for your benefit.

as much as we hate the changes,
it’s actually removing us from our comfort zones.
so i gotta say thank you for everyone that made this all happened.
some thought they were hurting my feelings,
but you made me greater than i ever was.

i’m filled with gratitude for what has happened and what is about to come.
i watch this from annalise keating aka viola davis when i start to slip:

 

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A post shared by VIOLA DAVIS (@violadavis) on May 28, 2020 at 9:08am PDT

!!!!!!

low-key: i can’t wait for my future wolf to come into my life.
the one who will aggressively pursue me and will allow me to do the same.
i’m thanking all those in advance who led me on,
gave me mixed signals,
and ghosted me.
you created the path for the right one to walk into my life.
i would have been in the slums with the others.
i’ll have a few orgasms in your honor.