f0xmail: I Paid For His Lunch. Should I Ask For My Money Back?


Okay J…
First off, gotta say thanks for your site. You have no idea what it means to see someone existing and conquering that’s kinfolk.
I’m writing because I want your opinion on what I should do in the midst of an awkward office situation.
I work in an office where I’m one of four black people. I also happen to be the lowest on the salary ladder – entry level.
The other colored folk are senior staff pulling in well over six figures.
Recently, one of the [black] senior staff came by my desk and began making small talk about my college because I keep a small alumni banner in my area. #HBCUsStandUp
He tells me there’s a young man at his church who goes to my alma mater home from college for some random family reason, and goes on to say that he would love for all of us to do lunch.
So, his secretary sets it up and we meet a week later at a somewhat swanky restaurant I’d never been to across the street from our office.
After arriving late, he sits down, makes small talk, and casually mentions he left his wallet at home, could I cover it?
Not wanting to look a certain way in front of my young college brother, I casually nod yes meanwhile my mind is racing and my heart has stopped several times.

I budget my money down to the cent, literally. After paying my bills, (motherFUCK SallieMae) and pledging to not help family anymore and then helping family anyway, I am left with just enough to make it for the month, and sometimes not even that if a pair of shoes catches my eye.
I wound up putting the meal – $100 – on my credit card.
Now, the question is do I even approach him about repayment at all…
I feel like he set up the meeting and knew what this was gonna be. Sure, many men forget their wallets, but he knew he still had this meeting so why not cancel or postpone???
But then again, he’s a powerful man with many a connection and I don’t want him to pitch a bitch and hold a grudge if I ask for that money back … but clearly he knows I don’t do $100 lunches for 3 on me often, hell, at all, right?
But Lord,  that’s 10 edge-ups or 2 tanks of gas or a whole ass pair of nice shoes (2 if you know how to shop) …

Should I take an “L” on this one (in the name of networking – can’t front, I def benefited from having the opportunity to chat with him)?


first of all,
i want to thank you for the compliment.
the foxhole reign just don’t let up…
tumblr_n024ajABaO1tp5y9jo1_500now lets get into this…

living in new yawk,
we encounter scam artists pretty much every day.
from the ones who want your money to others who feed off your emotions.
this stone forest is filled with many kind of animals and different breeds.
you steady have to pay attention.
you have to learn to say no and be okay with that decision.
sometimes you will come across someone genuine.
someone who won’t take your kindness for weakness.
you can tell those types right off the bat.
its in their scent.
their spirit.

i wouldn’t ask back for the money.
you got your investment.

in the name of networking –
can’t front,
I def benefited from having the opportunity to chat with him.

if you feel like you got something out of it,
and you did it genuinely,
you shouldn’t worry about the money you spent.
if he is genuine,
and powerful as you say,
he will return your investment with interest in the future.
those things aren’t always “money”.
sometimes shit happens.
maybe he did genuinely forget his wallet.
maybe he was testing you.
this was a wolf with connects.
this isn’t “the user friend who wants you to sponsor his life”.

or “the sexy wolf with no job who pays me in penis”.
we like to give money to the wrong people sometimes.
i will say this…
don’t be scared to say this word:


you can be polite and say “no”.
“no” is my favorite word now.
it use to be “yes”.
this is why i got shortchanged in all my investments.
if i can’t do something,
can’t afford it,
or don’t want to go somewhere then its a heavy “no”.
people will deal.
in this instance,
if you said “no”,
maybe you would have missed out on the networking.
see this situation is one of those “fork in the road moments” life presents.
i feel you did good tho.
if he invites you out again and pulls that:

“no money/i got 99 problems and my wallet is one” foolishness

well go ahead and say…

no-2hope this helps!
thank you (and everyone) who tunes in to me.
don’t be scared to ask for advice!

jamari fox


Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

5 thoughts on “f0xmail: I Paid For His Lunch. Should I Ask For My Money Back?”

  1. Wouldn’t ask for money back. He obviously lacks class as the next day he should have stopped by your office and paid you back. Take the “L” and keep it moving.

  2. My advice is this: Ask him for the money tactfully. Just like he forgot his wallet–and that happens to almost all of us from time to time, it’s possible that he forgot that he owes you some money.

    How to do it: In private and in his office probably works. Just walk by his office and catch him while he’s alone and bring it up tactfully. If it’s a day whereby he again forgot his wallet at home, follow up with an email.

    The fact that you benefited from the lunch is a good thing and is what he probably intended–mentoring and networking and all that.

    Don’t assume that he meant to rip you off for the cost of lunch.

  3. Yea, you might have to take the L and move on. I don’t believe he left his wallet at home either, I call bull on that. Like Jamari said, you are going to have to find it in you to tell these people no. That’s how you get taken advantage of cause you better believe that if it was you who forgot your wallet, he would have been hounding you to pay him back.

  4. Don’t say a word. It’s called networking, building relationships. Get your mind right. He was late because he’s businessman–his time is valuable. Do you want to be a boss or an employee?

    Why don’t you have a business credit card? That $100 lunch, quickly turns into $50 by next April 15th. Will $50 make or break you in an entire month?

    Get in the habit of picking up tabs for those with more knowledge/wealth than you. They appreciate it. Trust is a hard thing to come by when you think everyone wants your money or what your money can buy.

    Also get a passport.
    The next lunch his secretary arranges might not be in the States and you won’t be picking up the tab.

    Whatever you do, don’t say a word.

  5. remain silent…silence is golden as jamari mentioned this wasn’t a regular average joe and the way i take it it was definitely a test, he could have invited anyone out but he invited you out, so obviously he see’s potential in you…BUT if it does happen again politely say that you don’t have it to cover the full amount…i have feeling this isn’t over and that we’ll be hearing good feedback from you in the near future…good luck with everything!!!

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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