f0xmail: He Isn’t My “Ideal”, but I May Want Give Him My Virginity. Help!


Hey Jamari,
Been lurking in the foxhole for years – needless to say I enjoy everything I read.
Thank you for your authenticity and for your insight. Just by being you, you’re not only entertaining and informing folk, you’re helping folk.
Getting down to it, I need a third opinion on a situation I’m in.
Ok, so … we all have a thing right? My thing has always been height. I’m 26, 5’11, and am really only attracted to guys taller than me. Don’t know what it is but it’s always been that way. I feel like there’d be a thrill in topping a tall guy and I’ve always made the joke that I’d never let an itty bitty baby climb my back. I am equal opportunity however and have found myself attracted to (and talking to) dark, light, wide, narrow, masculine, feminine but the deal breaker has always been height. I’ve liked random athletes and celebrities and once I discovered they were shorter than me, it’s like a switch flipped. Instant turn-off.
Also, I’m like the last gay virgin. I have always wanted the first time to be with a dude I was in a relationship with. I have missed some good FINE piece but at least they were straight up and let me know they just wanted to fuck with no pretense. I don’t want the first time to be a random I get sprung over.
Fast forward to today. I recently made a friend in a colleague who I assumed was straight. After he left the company for a better position, we got closer and started hanging out. I’m not really flamboyant so after a couple months, he asked me if I was gay. I admitted I was and he admitted he was bi and that he only befriended me because he thought he could smash. Negative. He’s like 5’9. On top of that, I do not find him attractive at all. What’s the problem then? His energy, his aura … is sexy AF!!! Now that we know about each other, he’s always making comments and jokes about having me. I laugh it off but I think about it. He’s so confident it’s sexy. And sometimes I even find myself jacking off to the thought of him. But, I repeat, I don’t like him! It’s like I’m just super horny. He’s asked me if I would ever consider a relationship with him – we’ve had very candid convos – and I admitted I wouldn’t. Before that, I even got pissy drunk one night, got horny, and found my way over to his condo. He felt me up but he didn’t take advantage – said he wanted me to make that decision in my right mind.
Should I give him a chance? Shade is, I really wanna fuck and get fucked but I always I thought it’d be with a tall guy who I was actually attracted-attracted to. He really is good people tho. I just don’t want to feel like I am compromising what I want…or thought I’d have? Could it be he just happens to be present and showing me attention? My BFF thinks I’m being superficial and acting spoiled. My sis says I’m just worried that after holding out for so long, nothing else will come around.

what would you do?
what would y’all do?


well thanks foxholer.
always glad to have you aboard.

…so can i be honest?

i would love to get banged by a baller wolf like tomorrow.
one with a nice body,
handsome face,
and some pipe to keep me together for a while.

i also have a work wolf who i would love to ride as well.
even though my options are still open,
he is the only “prospect” in my life right now.
we been arguing lately,
but the way he been looking at me

tumblr_mmr8hpwibV1qfdfvoo7_r1_250its always this back and forth with us,
but one things for certain on my end:

i am ready to get on all fours and fives for that pipe.

alas his “straightness” is in the way.

the wolves in the new yawk forests>>>>>>>>
the ones who are on the train in wife beaters>>>>>>
the ones who are on lunch break with their shirts in their pants>>>>>
i don’t know what it is,
but almost everyone i been seeing is fine as hell.
definite use of gym memberships last winter.
i’ve been horny as hell and makes no apologies for it.

what i’m trying to say is this…
sometimes we don’t get to choose the wolves/hybrids/foxes who want us.
we have this image of what we want,
and thats always fine to have,
but we look past who is there holding out for someone who isn’t.
no doubt this life is a lonely one.
some choose two paths:

a) smashin’ everyone like its going out of style
b) take pride in being okay waiting for something real

people will judge you on the latter.
usually its the out of pocket hoes who want you to be like them.
no bueno.

my advice…
your virginity is special.
it is something that once its gone,
its gone forever.
how do you want to tell the story of how you lost your v-card?
this animal in your life,
from what you say,
seems like he is a good deal.
he isn’t your ideal,
but he doesn’t seem like a total wash.
he wants you and seems to have your best interest at heart.
that is hard to come by.
when you do find the tall animal you want to conquer,
you will have the experience to rock his world to the core.

on another note…
you could hold out and wait.
how long you’ll be waiting…

as long as i’m going to meet a baller wolf for sure.
it could be tomorrow,
the next day,
or 5 years from now.
well i hope not.
anyway your decision needs to be one made with a logical mind.
a horny one will have you out here looking like a fool.
ask the jackals.
nothing worse than doing something before your time.
i say think about it and weigh your options.
also talk more with this person and be completely honest.
have him tested as well.
if you go through with this,
you need to be completely comfortable and he needs to be okay with that.
also will he stick around once he conquers you?
and are you okay with that if it happens?

there is nothing wrong with being “the last gay virgin”.
there is everything wrong with “giving it up to the wrong one”.
that story
seems to be the one most people tell.

i hope this helps!
keep me posted on what you decide.

with love,
jamari fox

13 thoughts on “f0xmail: He Isn’t My “Ideal”, but I May Want Give Him My Virginity. Help!

  1. I love this post lol… You all are awesome “.. I just had to say that… So many broths need access to this page!

  2. I agree with Jamari. Don’t do anything you will regret. I just lost my virginity right before I turned 31 in July. I waited so long and lost it to a guy who was far younger than myself. He wanted a quick lay…and I thought I’d be alright with just having sex. I’m not stressed out about it but something feels very empty about it.

  3. You can wait baeb. It’s nothing to it…. Once you get what u don’t really want you’ll be mad and wanting better… Keep that vCard and stay HANDY till that sequoia has caught ya eye😘 good luck

  4. I think you should take it slow with him because I believe he is after sex to be honest. He wants to break you in, but if he is not serious about you have to move on bro.

  5. let us keep in mind that average height for men of color in america is somewhere between 5’8 and 5’10 so you might have a tall order (no pun intended) depending on your local scene.
    and have you ever heard of SBS??? depending on who you ask, it’s Skinny Boy Syndrome or Short Boy Syndrome. it’s something me and my friends joke about but it’s like the skinny dudes and those short ass dudes be having major pipe and stroke game to match. i know you going back & forth and this is no help but after reading all I could think was you betta do what Patti say and “don’t block the blessing.”

  6. I don’t want to pretend like I know the inner workings of your mind but you do sound pretty sexually attracted to him in some ways.
    I say, if it feels right, go for it. If you’re masturbating to the thought of him, that’s pretty telling. I’ve had similar experiences to that, but I can admit I was attracted to those men. Sometimes we don’t know the depths of our sexual chemistry and this dude is doing something to you, or you wouldn’t even have these thoughts.

    Trust your gut! If it “feels right” then go for it, if not, then its not right for you! The V-Card doesn’t have to be all that important anyway, though I know where you are cumming (lol) from.

  7. The thing is he IS attracted to him. He’s attracted to this dude’s attitude, personality, and confidence. If the attraction was just passing horniness it wouldn’t be going on while he’s sober. Part of growing as a person is evolving past just physical attractions. It’s stupid to pass up on a guy that turns you on and you actually seem to like just because he’s not satisfying a height fetish and he’s not model cute.

  8. I’m 6’4 & a regular gym-goer…. Lol anyways don’t screw him if something in your gut is telling you not to. I lost my V-card to some dude who only wanted me for sex. And because I was 16, it probably gave him that “fresh meat” type of attraction. The fact that he knew I was a virgin didn’t help either so he was proud that he got to take it. I tell you on that day the moment I came was the worst feeling ever. I just looked up into the ceiling while he kept telling me that he loved it. He still talks to me to this day now that I’m 18 but I told him that I never want to see him again, unless it’s outside in a public place. Because dudes feel like they can do what they want to you when you are at their house.

    But I’m rambling anyway so in a nutshell all I’m trying to say is since this is your first time, have sex with somebody who you’re really attracted to so YOU can get something out of it, or just do it if it feels right. Otherwise you’ll only wind up feeling used. Judging by the way you described this person, I say if you’re going to sleep with him then don’t expect a relationship out of it after. Many dudes will just tell you what you want to hear so they can get what they want out of you. And once they got that from you, they start acting like you don’t exist. Some people just want to find that mystery about you (i.e how are you in bed) and the thought of it turns them on, and once they’ve slept with you then you are no longer a mystery to them because you’ve given it up.

  9. Dude needs to quit playing games and acting like a little immature girl. He know he wants him. Dammit he got drunk and went to his house and flirted! This saving my virginity for Prince Charming bullshit is a fairy tale. They seem to click. Have sex and try it out. If it doesn’t work at least he tried. I’m 51…I learned you have to take risks in life or you never grow and succeed. And Lord knows I’m enjoying life even in my ancient years. Or he can keep playing this game and 20 years later when that tall dark and handsome Prince he was waiting on has fucked him over and left he will regret he didn’t hook up with that coworker back in the day.

    1. I agree with Immanuel. Go with the attraction. So what if he’s 5’9″? He’s most likely much more secure in his sexuality to turn you out nicely. Cause you just may get one of those tall guys with the Charles Barkley Round body, flat booty and the penis that doesn’t match his height. ( and no it isn’t all perspective). I can say all of that. I’m 6’6.

      Oh. And ANY guy can dog you out. This cat sounds like a great guy. While you’re jacking off to him, he could be fucking the nut out of you. No hands. Lol

  10. I agree with Tajan, having sex with someone I’m attracted too is the only way I can do it. I know that sounds shallow but if I don’t find the face good it’s not gonna work. I not saying he has to super fine like some of the wolves that have posted on here, but it’s gotta be something there. Say what you want but physical looks are the first thing we notice about other people especially those we are sexually attractive to.

    As for the foxholder who the letter I know how you feel, I didn’t lose my v card until I was out of high school and until it happend no matter how people tried to warn me it might be bad i wanted to experience it. It was awkward at the time to hear my friends pass back sex stories while I had nothing to add. When it finally did happen I was not happy afterwards, the dude I messed with was a friend at the time and it made our friendship super weird, ( he’s straight so he would act funny around me) we were not close like you and your friend are but I wished I waited for someone I really liked to give it to me my first time. I say wait a little while and see if this sexual attraction you have towards him is that or if it’s just your horny level rising to the top, lol you don’t want one night to ruin a friendship.

  11. Bro dont do it, you are going to regret it in the long run, if you have waited this long, you can hold out to get what you want. No matter how horny I get, I just cant have sex with someone I am not attracted too physically just for the sake of sex, and even though you are somewhat attracted to his energy, if his sex game is wack, you are going to be mad, at least if you have your ideal mate you might not feel as bad. Though I dont get penetrated, I would think if you do, it would be a big decision and something you would want to be special especially for your first time.

    On the other hand, you and this dude may have great sexual chemistry together. You may just want to test out the sexual waters without going all the way. I have hooked up with some dudes who were not my type initially, who rocked my damn world. If you just want to be a Thot, go for it but if your feelings are going to be involve, I say NO!

  12. I agree with Jamari, I would talk and see where yall stand first. It sounds like he really likes you and sex could probably complicate the friendship you two have. Also, don’t let curiosity kill your virginity because it definitely killed mine and I wish I could take that shit back. Lmao! Good luck!

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