so last night,
karaoke and i had “the talk”.
dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn….
i’ve been in florida for the last couple of weeks an its been great.
i feel rested,
and ready to make moves for 2014.
doing that exactly?
if someone was to ask me right now:
“well what do you want to do?”
i would answer:
“i would like to live off my website.
i want it to grow like a necole bitchie or a better perez hilton.
since I’m good at spotting good looking wolves/foxes/and hybrids,
id like to work with a company in finding these wolves jobs within modeling or acting.
helping them learn how to dress,
handling their pr,
and even offering crisis management.
i would like to write books as well.
I’ve already started creating a book idea i would like to turn into a series.
i’d also like to indulge in my love for style and doing something with that.”
i have so many ideas for my ijf brand,
but i don’t have the networks to help launch that idea.
why the shit gotta be so complicated fo’?
so last night,
karaoke asked me what do i want to do.
stay here or go back to new york?
bad enough everyone who speaks me to notices a change in my attitude.
im actually having people pushing for me to stay here.
karaoke even said that she hated that i sounded so depressed back in new york.
sometimes it would pain her to speak to me,
but she has noticed a huge change within my attitude since being here.
i want to go back to new york,
but what am i going back to?
i’m alone out there.
i know people,
but then i don’t know them.
people out there are also real competitive so you can’t really meet real friends.
they think you trying to step on their toes or take their shine.
like, there is enough room for everyone to eat.
people should also know me by now that i promote EVERYONE.
i am a very selfless person and if you don’t know that,
then you don’t know me.
cue: almost everyone i know in new york.
then everyone gonna tell me:
“well you coulda asked me for help.”
with the shadiness in how you are acting?
you ain’t low.
i see it.
i’ll pass but thanks tho.
i also have a “supposed” job possibility out there.
notice the quotations on that supposed.
i sent my resume out to a temp agency out here today,
spoke to a excited snow bunny who wanted to help me.
like she said: am i in the “honeymoon” phase of florida?
living here vs visiting is two different things.
so i woke up today feeling kinda… trapped.
i wish i woulda won the lottery last night.
that would have solved all these issues.
why can’t everything here be back home?
its almost like i don’t care where i live,
but i just want to be happy,
living my best self,
working within my career,
and surrounded by people who care about me.
new york: more opportunities but less warmth.
florida: more warmth but less opportunities.
i don’t know what to do.