i’ve had situations where DL wolves flirt with me privately,
but as soon as they were around others in public,
they were acting like i was the source of covid-19.
if they even acted like they were cool with me,
it would put a spotlight above our heads.
it annoyed TF outta me because it always made me feel like i was the problem.

NAH,
I WASN’T THE PROBLEM.

if he thought i was gonna try to tongue him down in public,
he clearly didn’t know me well enough.
i know how to conduct myself in public.
the thought i came to recently is:

HE wanted to tongue me down in public.
HE wanted to be himself with me but he was scared others would see him.
HE wanted to be comfortable but he knew he would expose himself.

so it had nothing to do with me; it had everything to do with those males.

i’m another male who is attracted to other males tho so its different for me.

i always ask this question and i never get an answer.
so i’ll ask it again because may this time i will:

if a trans vixen is considered to be a biological woman,
a straight wolf hitting on her is par the course,
right?

straight wolves hit on vixens all the time,
so for laverne cox to tell keke palmer on her podcast that…

so i been into a lot of crime documentaries lately.
“friends like these: the murder of sarah neese” on hulu,
“toxic love story“,
“the crash”,
and “idaho murders” on netflix were so good.

sidebar: i been into crime shit,
but i still refuse to watch “dahmer” because that scares TF outta me.

today,
i watched a documentary that floored me on netflix.
it is called “death of the pastor’s wife” about the untimely death of mica miller…

i don’t know what came over me last year,
or maybe the year before,
but “jolene” from dolly parton was my top 5 song.

when i font you that i was OBSESSED.
when i read bey was gonna redo the song,
i was high key hyped:

…but her version fell flat in my expectations.
it was cool but i don’t revisit it.
i’m fonting all of this…

sonya massey was in her home in chicago,
minding her business,
and a white hunter came up in there and killed her.
i think her live execution is where i had to stop watching violence against black people.
the video is horrendous and so disturbing.
all i remember is she went to turn off a pot of water,
and the hunter went trigger happy for no reason at all.

the worst part of all of this is she called them for their help.

i remember how all the other hunters were looking at him outside after she was unalived.
they did not believe his “self defense” story one bit.
correct me if i’m wrong,
but he had a whole rap sheet of “wtf”.
his shit was so fucked up it was like why hasn’t that badge been took?
i like to believe in karma,
as everything in life has a cause and effect.
well this is the effect of what happened to that hunting hyena who shot sonya….

tyla annoys me.
she has some good songs that i’ve heard like this one:

…but something about her reeks of try hard.
like,
they are so pressed to make her rihanna’s predecessor,
but they are missing they key things rih did in her rise to the top.
even though rihanna was being pushed as bey’s predecessor,
they realized very quickly that she needed her own identity.

sidebar: as awful as it was,
her domestic abuse situation was a blessing in disguise.
she was able to pivot that into a storyline.
that is what i mean.
every bad thing that happens to us can be a pivot.

anyhoo,
this is the try hard that i’m fonting about…

you already know we don’t know what is truly going on in other people’s lives.
for instance,
i saw a picture of me the other day that someone sent me from a few years ago.
hated everything about it.

i was stupid thin.
like,
i looked unhealthy.

at that time i took that picture,
i remember people asking me if i was okay.
the reality was:

i was really stressed out around that time,
and when a Fox is stressed,
his weight drops as well.

thankfully,
people still gave me grace but for someone like ariana,
i can see why everyone is concerned.
although i love her new album,
“petal“…

and i loveeeeeeeeee the song for the title track…