be happy living your double life

living a double life can be tough.
i can imagine how hard it is for spiderman.
like,
peter parker in a touch base at work and green goblin is tearing up the city.
how does he let his boss know he has to dip to live his double life?


the questions.
you gotta present yourself one way to the world,
but you’re secretly indulging in your true desires in private.
i think of the biggest issue is…

Everyone wants to know what you’re doing

…especially if you’re attractive.
folks feel entitled to know your business.
my issue is:

Why do we fall victim to having to explain ourselves?

people who aren’t confident care about the whispers of others.
i use to be like that but i really don’t care.
if you chose to be single and private about your dating life,
which happens to be of the same sex,
then that’s on you.
the first problem is always:

Giving a fuck.

stop giving a fuck.
people who get rattled about those who question their sexuality tend to be the worst.
they always go get some vixen to prove their straightness.
that always involve random characters that don’t need to be added to the story.
the crazy part is they look more obvious when they get with the vixen.

Just do you.

i think it first starts with the expectations society puts on others,
especially with males.
if people can’t pinpoint your sexuality,
they start labeling you as gay since they don’t understand.
folks will assume a male is straight because he is sleeping with numerous vixens.


if he isn’t doing that,
he is automatically a suspect.
the problem is falling victim to explaining and proving yourself.

If you don’t go through the lengths of trying to prove yourself,
no one will care.

seriously,
no cares.
once folks get comfortable in their own skin and stop volunteering information about their lives,
you’ll be at a maximum level of no fucks to give.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

6 thoughts on “be happy living your double life

  1. I agree. Just live your life the way you want.

    No one has the right to question what you do publicly or privately, especially if you are not hurting yourself or others.

  2. I really had to get into this mindset because I saw myself, younger me, worrying and stressing myself too much about what others felt and thought of me and that’s wears you down.

  3. Would admit still kinda young and not yet full in this mindset but trying to get there. If you let it society can have you in a chokehold but shedding that is not as hard as upbringing. When you have older pussy loving brothers and you have their whole ass demeanor cept replace the pussy love with ass its tough. Stems a feeling too of not being able to relate to the majority of other gay dudes out here and that’s tough. When you still attract females and you wish you were fully attracted back its tough. Said it before but if there was a pill to just fuck off this whole gay shit would down it in a heartbeat. Its a cop out tho and doesn’t solve anything. Prolly if I hit my 30s I’ll be fully fuckless will see.

    1. This PART!

      I don’t think we discuss this enough in the gay community. Everybody didn’t come switching out of their mother’s womb playing with Barbie. There are a contingent of guys who may have a “masculine” to unisex demeanor about them that isn’t easily defined or classified and children/teenagers throw labels on these men before they are truly able to identify themselves out of their own insecurities. The perception and faux accusations then take a toll on the psyche of the male who may or may not be gay bi or straight. Whereas the typical gay guy may have baggage of feeling like an outcast or other for being “feminine” and queer, there are guys with baggage from fighting to be seen as themselves fully male outside of stereotypes and judgement. If men were just allowed to be themselves and allowed to love however it shows up then we wouldn’t have so much confusion and so many self hating downlow men. Toxic masculinity has to stop especially in black communities who over celebrate the “man” who ain’t shit over a man in touch with his emotions or “sensitive” or whatever said man is outside of hoodlum or sports player. A lot of gay guys can’t find a man or live freely not giving a fuck because of trauma on both ends of the spectrum.

      I feel for this young brother who wishes he wasn’t gay just so he can fit in and not have to deal with society’s bullshit. How many of you have had those same feelings (no matter the actual reason behind it)? In time you will figure it out but give yourself the freedom and the chance to do it. I will tell you to move to a different city where you are free to craft the person you either want to be or be free to be yourself without having to prove anything. It’s hard not being able to relate to other gay men because you may not have been exposed to the right ones. It’s important for us to create open dialogue because for a community so hell bent on inclusion and acceptance, it’s a damn shame that we can’t love each other however we show up in this world.

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