accountability | june 14th – 20th

first off,
i got to give a huge shout-out to those who really fuck wit this.
the emails and dms are so dope and i’m glad my journey is helping someone.
let’s get into ittttt

POSITIVES

this week was pretty intense with all i uncovered about my body dysmorphia.
i cried a lot,
but made a shit ton of discoveries about myself.

my many people i know told me how brave i was to post that entry.
i’m grateful they read,
but being honest about me isn’t scary to me.
as pose said to me the other day,
“in a world where people lie about who they are,
it’s refreshing to see someone be honest to their community.”

i posted some pics from the wedding on my personal social media and they got a ton of love.
i signed out with the impression that i’m invisible and no one cares,
but i got so many comments and love.
i’m working on seeing that i’m appreciated.

i feel there is a major shift happening in my life.

the music i’ve been listening to has created this vibe i’m digging.
it feels like i’m in a show like “insecure”.
i feel like how that show is visually shot.

NEGATIVES

my therapist said,
“from the time we started,
the consistent theme in your life is what others think about you.”
it has created FOMO and feeling less than rather than walking in my own power.

working through this trauma is hard and makes me uncomfortable.

i am really angry.
angry about people who did me wrong.
i’m angry about people i’ve assumed who did me wrong.
there were people who showed up for me on my pics that i thought hated me.
i’m working on trying not to be angry with folks without evidence.

my body dysmorphia has locked me up and kept me in a cage.
my friend saw my pics and said,
“if i looked like you,
i’d be outside all the time”.
that really hurt my feelings because he is right.

i truly don’t see what others see in me.
it might be a good thing because i’m not arrogant af.

—–

thank you for being part of this shift.
enjoy your week and we all get the week that we deserve.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

1 thought on “accountability | june 14th – 20th

  1. I don’t like being the only one who comments on posts, but I hope these are cathartic for you.

    Regarding body dysmorphia: I saw a post on Twitter about how men don’t care about the belly fat that women have. Someone else replied that basing your worth on what men want, you’ll never be happy.

    People talk about self-love, but I know very few people who practice it. What I will say is we live in a very weird world. Everybody wants to be snatched for the summer, but when we see who someone cheated with, they’re never a 10. What does that say? They did something that the main wouldn’t, or their personality was just that bomb.

    There’s a whole niche of “dirty old men” who these young hotties are clamoring to sleep with. I PROMISE your body is FINE.

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