a cold jamari fox is a better jamari fox

i’m def not the person i was at the beginning of this year.
that fox was an insecure mess who was begging to be taken seriously.
he was discarded from a terrible job and thought he lost the world.
for the first couple of months,
i was broke af and struggling with the worse kind of anxiety.
whenever we all fell into this alternate universe,
that’s when things started to change for me.
there was a wolf i was interested in real heavy…

i mean,
i was realllllllllllllly into him.
he is a reg-deg,
but i was drawn energetically to him.
we flirted heavy with our actions last year.
this year,
i was gonna bag that.
i had plans in my head to turn him tf out.

he started acting funny and it left me really confused.
i’d hit him up only to be ignored.
i won’t lie,
but he filled me with a lot of anxiety.
he did something recently that had me vex af and that started the ball rolling.

I looked at his pics today,
along with someone,
I think he is in a low-key relationship with,
and I didn’t feel anything.
No anxiety; no sadness.
I didn’t even care.
Good for him.

there is a wolf out there who will be more aggressive and secure for me.

i’ve been in a particular friend group for close to 3 years.
we spoke damn near every day.
you would think within 3 years,
speaking highly about how honest i am,
they would give me the same benefit of the doubt.
i’ve come to realize that we truly didn’t know each other.
we had a disagreement so folks decided to move real sneaky and act passive-aggressive.

At first,
I was sad and was fucked up about it,
but I decided to move on.
No beef or begging to have a conversation.
I left the group chat and went about my business.
I don’t want to be ANYWHERE that I’m not wanted or appreciated.

 i’ve become cold.
don’t get me wrong,
i still have warmth but i’m more guarded about where i give my emotions now.
i have empathy and still cry when i feel emotional,
but a part of me feels disconnected from those emotions when i’m hurt by others.
after years of being an emotional doormat for people,
i’m in a real:

fuck you.”

…type of place and it feels GOOD.

i’m finally able to see how attractive and amazing of a person i am.
let’s see where this “me” takes me.

low-key: nowadays,
i’ll be shocked when people do what i don’t expect them to do.
so if i expect you to be an asshole,
and you do the opposite,
i’ll genuinely wonder if you’re trying to set me up.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

4 thoughts on “a cold jamari fox is a better jamari fox”

  1. In life you will understand that some individuals you can’t give a fuck about. Do that make a bad person? The answer is no.
    If they don’t give about you, you shouldn’t give a fuck about them.

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