you know what i realized about being single, loneliness, and trying to be in a relationship?

ya know,
i spent my young adulthood looking for a wolf.
hell,
“looking” might be a passive word.
i was “desperately searching” for someone to complete me.
it was like i was lego blocks and i needed that one block to make me whole.
i would go outside and come home feeling depressed because i didn’t get any numbers.
when a wolf was even remotely attracted to me,
or so i thought,
i’d cling onto him because i thought he was my shot at feeling complete.
i might even have been a dreaded “pick-me” tbh.

last week,
i realized something that took me a while to get to.
it got documented on my IG stories…

I don’t feel lonely anymore.

i think that is the issue right there.
people made relationships into a “need” in order to feel complete.
that feeling of “loneliness” that makes you feel you NEED to be with someone else.
you have to bypass the .exe programming and be okay with “you”.
nowadays,
i can literally watch people in relationships and be okay.

1 – I don’t know WHAT is happening BTS

2- Folks who tend to lay it on thick on social media be in the most toxic relationships.

we gotta stop looking at the “good” and start seeing the fucked up shit that is usually in front of our eyes.
baecations and outings don’t mean shit is sweet with these folks and their “relationships”.

once i started to wake up,
it didn’t feel the same like a few years ago.
the same males i was attracted to can’t even keep a relationship OR they treat their partners like trash.
i wasn’t a special snowflake because they ended up treating me the same too.
shocker.

for the first time in my life,
i feel so gooooooooooood about being alone.
i live by my own rules and can do wtf i want.
people seldom realize how hard a relationship can be.
when it becomes toxic and you both get comfortable in it…


personally:

I’d like someone I’m sexually attracted to for a regular FWB situation,
but I’m good at trying to be locked down right now.

i’m not even looking for dick real heavy either.
a good fwb happens when the vibes are good.
i have goals and other things i’m trying to accomplish.
no one out here really moves the meter for me anyway.
i don’t want to say i’m the prize,
but…
nah,
i am the prize.
fuck that.
even some of the foxholers agree:

being alone and knowing you’re the prize is the most powerful of them all.

lowkey: i’m not saying i want to be alone for the rest of my life,
but i’m good on anything serious right now.
i’ll date and do a cute outing with a wolf,
but keep that “relationship” shit away from me.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

14 thoughts on “you know what i realized about being single, loneliness, and trying to be in a relationship?

  1. Cosign!!! That’s where I’m at right now. I was abstinent but now I don’t mind a fwb. I do have goals I’m working on and the idea of a relationship seems nice but I’m not ready. I have friends that get into relationships with people they know are mentally unhealthy, act as if the relationship is the best thing since sliced bread and then complain about how their partner treats them.

    I think majority of relationships are unhealthy because most people get into relationships to not be alone and because it’s what everyone else is doing. Add in the fact that ALOT of people have unresolved trauma and expect a relationship to heal them or distract them from their issues. Some think even having children will fix their problems. It’s just a recipe for disaster.

    Until people first recognize they gave traumas, negative examples of relationships, bad behavior and work on that, theyre going to keep repeating the same mistakes, acycle of dysfunction.

    1. ^i love it when they complain and give us a show on social media.
      the sub-tweets and ig stories are a treat.

      you are absolutely right on everything you said.
      no one i know currently is in a relationship i admire.
      only because it has all come with its issues and drama.
      many choose to stay while biting their tongue or complaining.

      10 outta 10; don’t reccomend.

    2. i think more folks would be happier if they dated,
      fucked,
      and learned to be okay by themselves.
      stop looking at these toxic ass relationships or wasting people’s time.

      i think the last dude i was interested helped chaange how i view males and relationships.
      i’m grateful for him.

  2. Nowadays relationships are for
    Social Media clout to have a person to
    Pose with in pics and split bills
    Notice when you’re low key or chilling who
    Hits u up vs when you’re outside taking pics being all Over the place that’s why IG is a new dating site no one is looking for a personality they want a LOOK or a come up off what u can
    Provide lifestyle wise. When someone goes on vacation they post the best pics . They aren’t posting Themselves making money working to earn a living. The facade is that we’re all 27-32 year old
    Bachelors (I say that age because that’s typically going enough to go Out but old enough to have money ) and every “relationship “
    Is used to garner more attention for social
    Media. Every holiday or bday it’s a fan fare over what their partner got them
    But go check out ppl like gsuwoo and Shane Justin and how messy it gets on these trips

  3. If we are being honest in all of my 36 years of living I have never been in a real relationship. It just seems to stressful & I hate being stressed out. When I tell people this they find it weird but I’m really content being alone most of the time. Don’t get me wrong there are times I wish I had someone to share experiences with but I’m good right now.

  4. They better watch out! Jamari is enjoying his own company. The inner glowup is about to be epic. You’re going to shine so bright they won’t be able to ignore it. Prepare for all of the extra attention because self-love attracts good vibes. There may also be people who pull away from you because it shines a light on how they don’t love themselves. But that’s their problem as there are so many people who want to give you love, whether a chosen family, platonic or romantic.

    1. ^lovvvvvvvvvve this and so true!

      i was wondering why some folks stopped speaking to me.
      they didn’t have the self-esteem for my vibes.
      that is a “them” problem tbh.

      i feel so different these days and i feel ready for the world again.

  5. Jamari, I’m glad you’re getting this lesson early. I say “early” because I am getting it, too, and I will be 56 next week. A good friend has tried to get it through my head FOR YEARS (because that’s how he’s livin), but I was so stuck on being in a relationship/finding the one. Now, I come home and I’m grateful that my priority is myself. I’ve got an FWB and it’s just a really nice space…

    1. ^a few people did the same to me,
      but i like to remember that we have to learn at our own time and pace.
      some lessons take longer and others are like the snap of a finger.

"off topic", trolling, and other nonsense gets sent to my spam folder. other than that, play nice and let's discuss!