ya’ll didn’t make me feel like i belonged

i don’t think you all know what a friend is.
my idea of friendship might be completely different to yours.
all this time i made excuses,
but i’ve realized ya’ll don’t make me feel included.
do you know how insulting it was…

When my birthday came around,
I had to be told ya’ll wish me happy birthday?
Ya’ll told it to someone else to deliver the message to me.

You all have my number.
When it was yawls birthdays tho,
I reached out and said happy birthday.

Everyone is always asking how I’m doing to someone else,
but again,
ya’ll have my number.
I don’t get what the disconnect is.
I can get texts about some Tiktok bullshit,
but the shit that does matter,
I get ignored?
What in the entire what of the fuck?

yes,
we had a falling out about 2 weeks ago.
no one has reached out to see how i’m doing.
i can bet everyone in the group has congregated tho.
some of the people i thought were different are actually the same.
it hurt my fuckin’ feelings but i have to be realistic.
i have to be 100 with myself.

I never belonged in this group.

i always felt like an outcast.
everyone has their own little jokes and bonding moments,
but i feel like a stranger 98% of the time.
i’ve tried to introduce new shit for us to do.
nope.
a majority never made the effort to make me feel wanted.

…But you can tell ask others how I’m doing.

so i had to remove numbers today.
text threads had to get deleted.
group chats no more.
muthafuckas should never have let me see a therapist to learn my worth.
i’m not begging for anyone to be my friend anymore.
the days of me reaching out or dumbing myself down are over.
you wanna know the wild shit?

I didn’t feel sad saying goodbye without anyone hearing it.

how can i feel sad over something that wasn’t real?
how can i feel sad over people who don’t truly love me?
i’m a good fuckin’ person and i don’t deserve that.
thanks for the 5 years of memories but this season may be our last.
i’m learning it’s okay to let go when others aren’t reaching out for you.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

4 thoughts on “ya’ll didn’t make me feel like i belonged

  1. Exactly, sometimes letting people go is a form of self preservation. Time to elevate in spaces where we’re loved and respected. Not ostracized and tolerated.

  2. Keep this energy when you truly POP on your own terms and they try to get some of your shine saying “I remember when ‘Mari…” Nah. Eff that. You KNOW I’ll call it out.

  3. One thing I want you to really take away from therapy is being your own damn cheerleader. Fuck these useless and fake ass connections. I too learned the hard way, after about a 8 year friendship, about putting me first and not trying to bring everyone along for MY journey. I cut my circle down to strictly family and their respective spouses in April and haven’t looked back.

    I use to miss some of them but when I think about the weight (Mentally and Physically) that has been lifted and how I can be MYSELF and not DUMB MYSELF DOWN I wouldn’t dare give them my new number or unblock them. 😉

    Focus on YOUR HAPPINESS J. Everything else will fall into place.

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