i don’t think you all know what a friend is.
my idea of friendship might be completely different to yours.
all this time i made excuses,
but i’ve realized ya’ll don’t make me feel included.
do you know how insulting it was…
When my birthday came around,
I had to be told ya’ll wish me happy birthday?
Ya’ll told it to someone else to deliver the message to me.
You all have my number.
When it was yawls birthdays tho,
I reached out and said happy birthday.
Everyone is always asking how I’m doing to someone else,
ya’ll have my number.
I don’t get what the disconnect is.
I can get texts about some Tiktok bullshit,
but the shit that does matter,
I get ignored?
What in the entire what of the fuck?
we had a falling out about 2 weeks ago.
no one has reached out to see how i’m doing.
i can bet everyone in the group has congregated tho.
some of the people i thought were different are actually the same.
it hurt my fuckin’ feelings but i have to be realistic.
i have to be 100 with myself.
I never belonged in this group.
i always felt like an outcast.
everyone has their own little jokes and bonding moments,
but i feel like a stranger 98% of the time.
i’ve tried to introduce new shit for us to do.
a majority never made the effort to make me feel wanted.
…But you can tell ask others how I’m doing.
so i had to remove numbers today.
text threads had to get deleted.
group chats no more.
muthafuckas should never have let me see a therapist to learn my worth.
i’m not begging for anyone to be my friend anymore.
the days of me reaching out or dumbing myself down are over.
you wanna know the wild shit?
I didn’t feel sad saying goodbye without anyone hearing it.
how can i feel sad over something that wasn’t real?
how can i feel sad over people who don’t truly love me?
i’m a good fuckin’ person and i don’t deserve that.
thanks for the 5 years of memories but this season may be our last.
i’m learning it’s okay to let go when others aren’t reaching out for you.