what happens when your man wants to bottom and you are the bottom?

star fox had a good relationship with his mr. big wolf.
they met years before and were instantly attracted to each other.
they ended up separating and finding themselves back to each other.
star fox always considered himself a fox with slight hybrid tendencies.
when he got back with mr. big wolf,
they ended up committing to each other and living together.
one night,
mr. big wolf asked star fox to top him.

star fox told me during the act,
and not even a few strokes into it,
mr. big wolf turned around and said:

“This feels weird and I don’t like it.
This is a one-and-done in you ever toppin’ me again.”

…and quickly bent star fox over for his usual night cap.

even though mr. big wolf was “mr. big fox” in other relationships,
star fox showed up as a fox and he took on that role.
as gay males,
do we adapt and form gay relationships with how we show up?
or if the relationship goes on for more than a month

What happens if that suddenly changes?

a foxholer sent me a discussion on twitter with gay power couple,
they were asked this:

their answer

in some straight relationships,
if a vixen can’t perform or the sex starts to dwindle,
that is when the cheating starts.

Imagine what happens with two males in a relationship with nothing in common besides sex.

are gay males really equipped to handle relationships?
putting all the superficial IG “fantasy” shit to the side…

“What if the 1/2 of the relationship doesn’t want to try bottoming?”
“What if 1/2 of the relationship wants to switch roles completely?”

“What if 1/2 sustains an injury that stops them from bottoming?”
“What if your 1/2 sex drive becomes non-existent?”
“What if your 1/2 wants to transition?”
“What if your 1/2 decides to become straight?”

like some of the straights,
many gays hop into relationships for the wrong reasons.
when some shit goes down,
or the honeymoon phase wears off,
we are left wanting to leave or pulling out the “open relationship” card.
relationships aren’t onlyfans collabs or filtered for social media likes.
we can have sex with anyone but relationships are much different.
when your perfect relationship starts to become imperfect,
and it’s easier to cheat than stay…

Do you stand by your 1/2 even when things change?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

13 thoughts on “what happens when your man wants to bottom and you are the bottom?”

  1. I was in an on and off four-year relationship with another top. During that time, we never engaged in penetrative sex with each other because neither of us bottomed. But we did everything else sexually that two guys can do. I felt a deeper sense of intimacy and sexual satisfaction with him than with anyone else and personally I didn’t miss the anal sex.

  2. When you find a true connection n the older you het sex becomes secondary. My partner n I have been together for 30 yrs. In his 40s he got blood clots in his lungs we didn’t have sex sex for 5 yrs but we found other ways to connect. However he first thought I was leaving him but we talked that out love is sickness n health. In reality we all get old n age n with that comes health issues. So establish a relationship for more than sex. I love my partner in good n bad high n low. We can cuddle or just spend time. If you appreciate n love yourself you can love someone else no matter what comes

  3. Valid questions Jamari and it all shows how complicated we are as humans. Don’t ever believe so called straight couples don’t go through similar issues. Yup some men want to be pegged and don’t know how to tell their woman. Some women want to peg their man and don’t know how to tell him either 🙂 Humans are complex beings that even WE don’t understand.
    Relationships are OVERRATED. Yeah there are some perceived advantages but after going through a few relationships, understanding ppl and understanding myself this Knee Grow believe that when we commit to one person we suddenly put ourselves in a box that is impossible to live in. Marriages are so outdated, so overrated and so unnecessary. The cultures that don’t have marriages are inherently so much better.

  4. Sorry but I’m thrown off by how everybody went from zero to 100 just from a “no”. So because you’re boyfriend declines letting you top him that means your sexual needs are not being met when it was only something you wanted to try. Emphasis on try. Even if he let you do it, doesn’t mean you’ll like it. So why the need to wanna fuck other people just because you were denied one thing.

    If had a friend whose boyfriend wanted to piss in his mouth. My friend said no. His boyfriend got over it. According to y’all my friend should allow him to play with other men just so someone can gargle his piss. Like huh.

    The BigDaddy dude’s comment is so weird to me. He says, you continue bottoming for him because you love him and want to be with him. Um, you bottomed for two years for him so clearly you like bottoming. Just cuz you want to try topping doesn’t mean you just completely stop liking bottoming.

    I was gonna disagree with y’all about gays not being able to handle relationships but maybe y’all are right cuz the way some of y’all minds work is odd.

  5. Think about how many of your 30+ year old friends have never been in legit, committed relationships. I’m not talking about ‘kicking it’ and fukn for a month, I’m talking about actual functional relationships. I know SEVERAL.

    I’ll say it again: this is just ANOTHER reason why gays can’t have functional relationships. We are sooo engrossed in trying to emulate the heteronormativity that we see from straights. We can sit around and understand that there are lots of ways to have active sex lives, but act like you can’t be open to more flexibility w YOUR OWN partner. Willing to let a good man go because you’re a ‘total top’ (go get a wife) or act like you’ll break out in monkeypox if you actually have to acknowledge that you have a dik and ur partner wants to involve it, is crazy to me.

    1. I totally agree. We are so engrossed in trying to emulate heteronormativity. That’s a major problem in and of itself.

  6. At that point there are 3 options. Keep bottoming but become resentful that you can’t express your top side, leave the relationship, or come to a compromise that involves either the “top” bottoming sometimes, or some type of open situation where the “bottom” gets to get his topping needs met

    1. ^ such a conundrum 😩

      i never thought of this when it came to relationships tbh.
      i don’t know what i’ve been thinking when it came to relationships…

      1. What Jamari said! I’ve been testing the waters out and reconsidering so many things that I never even thought of before. Gay men aren’t equipped for relationships because they have been equipped in being fully formed men. There is a reason why we have vows in marriage, it is a commitment not something out of convenience. Relationships are the battlegrounds for which a marriage is built to last. You can’t be ready for battle if you haven’t prepared and done the work to get there soldier. I’ve never understood the whole top bottom bullshit anyways. We are men so why can’t we love all ourselves instead of just certain body parts? It seems so restricting and constricting. Men in general act like selfish children who don’t have the capacity to compromise for someone else, if you get 2 men who are like that then yes you have a recipe for a disaster.

        Also we need to stop acting like gay men are so different from straight men. We are all men at the end of the day. You may not understand certain urges or things about yourself because you have an effeminate mindset but talk to a shrink and they will explain to you what it is lol. I say that so we can truly understand one another instead of acting like we are aliens or something.

        1. ^ it seems like with marriage,
          some gays aren’t relationship material.
          i think people don’t realize what relationships entail and how if you end up in the wrong one,
          it can destroy your soul.

          1. Allow me to correct you. Some MEN aren’t relationship material, regardless of sexual identity. Either they don’t realize what they’re really and truly getting themselves into or they would rather have their cake and eat it too and not commit.

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