i think i’m too emotional…
i can admit it.
its nothing to be ashamed of.
i wasn’t always like that tho.
i use to be a lot “fuckdis” and “fuckdat”.
thats when my parents were alive and i could afford to be a slacker.
now i have all these responsibilities,
and no one to rescue me when i fall,
somewhere on my journey i picked up being guided by my emotions.
now don’t get me wrong,
i’m not the “messy emotional”.
the one who gets upset about little things and uses social media as it’s therapist.
no no!
or expose anyone because things didn’t go my way?
oh god no.
i’m a “private emotional”.
which means i hurt when i’m alone.
i don’t do “public hissy fits”.
i’ll cry,
pray,
jack off,
and then go eat some chipotle.
now not everything makes me emotional.
some things i truly give no fucks about.
other things,
like when it comes to my money and reputation,
that is when i take it on more than i should.
those times have made me question myself and my choices.
it has sat me down with plenty of regret.
i do write in the foxhole with my emotions tho.
it hasn’t failed me when it comes to what i love to do.
thats when “emotions” turn to “passion”.
the vixen i met in my office building made me aware of my situation today.
so we decided to take lunch together.
she called my desk and asked me if i wanted to go shopping.
shiiiiiiiddddddd and i just “had” paid off my credit card too!
so i met her around 1 and we went into various stores.
150 dollars later,
she called me out for stuff i was saying about my job,
my boss,
and liar liar.
“jamari.
you have to learn to turn your emotions off.
i get it.
you are a really passionate guy,
and that will take you far,
but you can’t let this job get that.
those people don’t need “that”.
they need the person who comes in,
does his job,
and leaves.
don’t take their bullshit home with you.”
how can i not?
everyday is always something at that place.
the proof is in the high turn over rate.
that environment forces my emotions out of me.
my reputation and money are at stake.
i guess i have a fear of going back to being broke again.
getting this job was such a blessing,
but dealing with these various situations has been pretty tough.
why can’t it just be easy?
don’t answer that.
“these sitiations is a lesson to learn.
blah blah blah…”
i get it.
so i will try and turn my emotions off.
is it bad to say that i don’t exactly know how to do that?
i mean they have been the key that drives my vehicle.
in order to fully glow tho,
then they gotta go.
like 3 months ago.
“someone take my emotions.
i want to feel good so i don’t feel bad”…
One thing that I have learned from working in the private industry and now the government is to kill people with kindness regardless of how they act and also cause this is the most important, “Dont Take It Personal” and once you are able to do that, your emotions come our of it. In addition to the proof emails and documentation you keep, the only way for someone to distrub ya money and ya job is to break your discipline.
Man, you are going to have to control your emotions. You got to make that money, that should motivate you, and you are far better now than you were before you got the job. Keep ya head up bro.
it comes with time Jamari…i used to be emotional, still am to a sense but now i’m stern when i have to be and i can walk away from stressful situations at work and go home and laugh and you’d never know what happened at the job..you’re getting stronger i can hear it when i read your entries…progression takes time bro
I heard taking LSD can take your emotions away.
^yeahhhh….
no.
Don’t worry we’re in the same boat , I don’t make scenes but if something is bothering me you can usually see it on my face or feel it in my vibe no matter how hard I’m saying everything ok. I’m trying to get better at letting things go thru me and not holding on to me but shut like you said it’s hard. When I’m happy I’m hard HARD, when I’m sad or mad I go HARD 😀
^i feel this mikey.
i can relate so heavy.
-sighs- I need an autobiography from you asap.I just wanna read everything about you!
^aww thanks no ac.