i just peed.
i have been holding it in since i just heard this news.
i’m still shaking.
so there was a wolf i use to know.
i met him originally on bgc,
but we use to hang tough.
karaoke use to join us on these adventures as well.
foxhole,
this wolf was in love with me.
i remember being as at a party he threw at his crib.
he walked up to me and said:

“i just want to kiss you right now.”

i didn’t feel that way about him,
but i let him know i only wanted his friendship.
during that friendship,
we hung out and always had fun.
when his mother passed,
he called me first.
i sat on the phone with him as he cried.
i listened and gave the best advice i could.
he was never the same after he lost her.
they were very close.
well we drifted apart as the years went on.
he met new people.
i met new people.
he randomly hit me up a year or two ago and asked to chill.
i was down,
but i never heard from him again.
i sent him a message and he never responded.
i moved on.
well one of my best home vixens i met through him hit me earlier:

“are you sitting down?”

“well,
i was gonna go pee.”

“i think you should sit down.”

“okay…”

that wolf had a heart attack and died today.
fucked my whole mind up.
i have no tears to cry.
i’m not gonna be “one of those” and bawl like we were besties.
that would be fake af.
it is so shocking to me tho.
i literally just mentioned him to karaoke the other day too.
we talked about the good times we shared.
from what i was told,
he was happy.
“social media happy”.

things like this bring you right back down to earth.
we are not promised a long life.
i could have reached out more to him,
but he was doing his own thing as i was doing mine.
we start to think about what more we coulda done when someone dies.
sometimes there isn’t any more than what it is.

i don’t want to dwell,
but i do feel sad.
it’s sad.
he lived a very sad life.
he had big dreams,
but he lost focus wanting to maintain an image to those around him.
that was one of the things that drifted me away too.
he wanted to impress those who didn’t care about him.
he would give you whatever you wanted just to call you a “friend”.
he met so many users because he was naturally kind.
i’m sure those are the ones bawling right now.
ill always cherish the good times we had and may he rip.

lowkey: i’m in complete shock.
the fact i just saw a picture of him and told karoake he looked “off” in it.
like,
something wasn’t right.
sigh.