you know what foxhole?
i was thinking about something today and it blew my mind.

The foxhole is the only place I have ever felt comfortable to be myself

in my life…

i noticed that with some folks,
gay or straight,
even males i was attracted to,
i was trying so hard.
either to be what they wanted or what i should’ve been for them.
i was never truly comfortable around them.
that wasn’t their fault at all,
but more so my own insecurities and self-esteem issues
as i’ve been fonting on this for close to 10 years,
i’ve realized it’s helped me become more comfortable in my own skin.
whether it’s good or bad,
i fonted it and was open to opinions.
that is a big step in becoming who i am and want to be.
i walk out my door with my head held high with not many fucks to give.
still working on having no fucks tho.

there will be a time,
somewhere in your life,
when you want acceptance from many others.

work
school
after school program
your block
social media
amongst white people

i believe that’s okay because you have to learn how people are.
some folks are real cool and will accept alla you.
others ain’t shit and you’ll learn that the hard way sooner or later.

Let it all happen

all the folks i desperately wanted to be in their tribe are gone,
but the ones that were meant to stick around just naturally stuck with me.
i don’t have to try with them or even the foxhole.
you won’t either.
nothing feels better than being your natural unapologetic self.
when that happens,
you’ll be shocked the amount of people watch from the shadows.
even the ones you wanted in your life.

lowkey: you have to be okay knowing you may be the hero to some,
but on another page,
you might end up being the villain to many others.
as long as you aren’t hurting others,
that’s okay.
i realized a while ago that i play the anti-idol.
i’ll get into that later.