in life,
as gay or bi males,
you will meet straight males who won’t identify as gay or bi but…

…he will identify that he is attracted to YOU.

we are living in different times and different vibes.
rapping wolf of “bad bitty” fame,
JP,
admitted he ain’t gay but he did have to smash one male that he was into tho…

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so he admits his truth instead of denying it and it’s still a problem?
i’m convinced people are stupid.

I wish things were different for me when I was younger…

there were many males who were confused but were attracted to me.
i ain’t even gonna cap like i wasn’t confused about my own shit too.

I wish the wolves that wanted me,
and expressed through actions that they wanted me,
were comfortable in their skin to be honest with themselves and me.
I wish it wasn’t “here today; gone tomorrow” with the hurt feelings on my end.

i can’t blame them too much because there were many cards stacked against us.

I was scared AF and insecure about my own sexuality
They were raised to see being attracted to other males is wrong
Friend groups didn’t help either
We didn’t have too many moments alone where we could talk
Many of these wolves were raised in strict religious upbringings

all of that pushed the attraction but the hatred as well.
they’re need to impress everyone around them was my confusion.
flirting with me on the low,
trying to touch and be in my radar on the low,
but pursuing vixen’s with their wolf packs had me confused.
if we had a moment of honesty with a conversation:

“I am attracted to vixens but there is something about YOU that I like.
I dunno but I’m trying to see how you get down and if we can get down privately…”

…even if they were just fucking my brains out,
that would have helped tremendously.

i’m doing the most with that expectation tho.
we were all very young and confused tho.
i think NOT having relations with them was best for me.
i may have been protected from getting really hurt or even exposed.
i’ve learned i’m attracted to males who are upfront and honest with me.
no games or bullshit.

Just put all the cards on the table and let’s see where this goes.

instead of putting down jokers for me to pick up.

i feel like many of the Foxholers want the same thing too.

lowkey: therapy has also taught me that a lot of these wolves had low self worth too.
the fantasy in my head is better than the reality.