I’m going through changes.

I have been running on a hamster wheel for a number of years now. My insecurities were what was fueling me and kept me going and going; just like The Energizer Bunny on a sugar rush while sipping on a Red Bull. When I thought I was okay, I’d, some how and some way, get back on and start the same fuckin’ routine; the same fuckin’ story.

I would be out of breath and out of my mind. I would look at “a Devin Thomas” and say “He wouldn’t want my ass.” I mean, I’m not walking around with a dump truck on my back. I had this impression you needed an insta-giganta ass or be Thugnificent to entice all the boys. I would comment to Star Fox that he must be meeting “The Devin Thomas” type niggas cause of his bottom….. And funny enough, he was secretly admiring my shape, style, and swagg.

That is why I tell you that you never know who is looking at you.

When I started to look at myself and accept myself, my flaws, and my skin… I started to slow down my running. I also threw out that mental trap that being with a man would complete me. I was looking for someone to show me the love that I wasn’t giving myself. And truthfully, if “a Devin Thomas” didn’t want me then a) that is his loss and b) I probably wouldn’t want to deal with his ass anyway.

This Fox right hurrrrrr… is a work in progress and guess what? I may relapse and get back on the wheel for another spin. But, I like being where I am now. I am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin and open to what’s important: loving myself 200% with no regrets and no bullshit.

So, to all my Foxes, I say to you: let go and let love. You cannot move forth towards your blessing, holding onto the past or self esteem issues. Also, you cannot find any man to love you if you do not love yourself. Some of the dudes who are pimpin these niggas are not the best lookers but, they accepted themselves and learned some game. I know some bottoms who have these TOPS running around here all mentally fucked up. Plus, there are a ton of bottoms (or TOPS, if you are a TOP reading) competing to take your spot… So why would you let them? You want to be the rule and not the exception.

I feel great and from here on out, anything I want I will not let insecurity stop me. Whose with me?!

Life feels better when you are off the hamster wheel.

Brought 2 U by the Foxberry

So Mister J and I have been doing a lot more communicating than usual. He hits me up to just shoot the text or go off on issues that bother him.

…And there is always something bothering him!

I won’t lie, I throw a lot of flirting his way even though he is “straight”. Nothing outrageous because that is not my style. I am pretty subtle but I still hint about my sexuality here and there. He picks up on it and eats it up.

So, one night last week, we were talking about screen names he wanted to try and he started throwing random stuff he wanted to use.

“How bout PipeRight?”, he texted.
“Then people will want to know how right is the pipe.”, I replied.
“HypeThePipe?”

And that went on… And on…

Until I felt bold and asked:

“DeepNside”

…and that was all it took we ended up having a serious game of sexting, acting out the various screen names in this erotic sequence.

Yup. You saw the words: Sexting, erotic, and sequence.

All formulas for “nut making”.

I guess that was his way of revealing himself to me. I don’t mind because I got mine and I’m sure he got his. Next day, he was doing a lot more flirting and talking shit as usual. He seemed to open up to me more. Saying things through his words that let me know…

“I know.”

We’ll he should because I never talk to my straight friends like THAT; the way we did the night before.

He confuses me… But I’m keeping a healthy distance. Let him chase me.

It is the Fox way.

Brought To U By The Foxberry.

I realized something.

Not only am I looking for a Wolf, I am also going to looking for some new Foxes to be friends with. I love my current Foxes I am cool with, but a ton of them live in other states. The ones I would actually go Wolf Huntin’ with or simple go to parties in the know. Like Star Fox and Fire Fox – two of my best friends who live far away from me.

I had to re-evaluate the circle around me and a lot of my old Foxes turned out to be masculine queens. All they wanted to do was gossip about me and be insecure in the process. I couldn’t handle it anymore so I had to give them the boot.

*kick to the curb*

You always need a good group of friends around you. Ones who will keep you sane, tell you where all the good spots are, and others who just simply like being around you.

I am pretty much open to any Fox that wants to run with me. I just request 2 things I am sure are not too much. 1st and foremost, he needs to not be MESSY. To be an exclusive Fox, you cannot be a hot box. People in the street cannot know your drama as you walk down the street. Birds of a feather flock together.

Second and lastly, I must be able to trust you. One thing I cannot STAND is a liar. If you can lie to me about trivial shit, when something big happens, you will cover your tracks with that too. I drop liars pretty much within the first sign of trouble.

A good life is filled with great friends. You want to share every moment with them building memories that could fill museums.

So, the hunt is on.

Later.

Brought to U by The Foxberry

……… are half these rappers not the biggest homos?

Continue reading “PAUSE: Holy Homothugs Batman!” →

So I went with my boss to an event my job was holding,
tired as all get out,
and I was happily surprised that it was for a male model casting…

You know I perked up when I saw all the various flavored meat.

Continue reading “Model Mayhem” →

You know in a movie,
a really good movie,
you get this twist somewhere near the end that can knock your socks off.
Like in Sixth Sense when we found out Bruce was dead all along.

Well I got that same twist at my job with Mr Attitude and Mr Confused.
and I don’t know if I like it too much…

Continue reading “Twist…. Then I Shout.” →