i’m so glad to be back!
omg!
i hate loathe despise cannot stand not being in the foxhole.
“life be so boring and shit”.
i saw so many things i wanted to talk about,
wolves i wanted to post,
and just to smile at the comments.
i know one thing…
if apple didn’t have my laptop ready by yesterday morning,
they were getting a nasty nice phone call.
while i was on pause mode,
i got this foxmail i wanted to share with everyone.
it comes from a lurker named carribean boy and it goes….

Continue reading “f0xmail: WHERE THE HELL YOU BE JAMARI?” →

FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari. Hope all is well. I figure I try this receiving advice thing out. You always have something insightful to say. Would like to get you opinion on this. So here goes:

How did I Turn into the enemy?

I’m a wolf. D.L or discreet wolf if you give me a label. In plain terms a bisexual male. After conversing with a very close friend, something unsettling came up. My friend is an openly homosexual male. Having one of our ever so often “real” conversations he called me “the enemy”, a “guys guy”. My look of confusion must have invoked a explanation. He explain to me that I am the guy that “wants my cake and eat it too”. My friend explained I say I want commitment but do not really want it, end up in different beds “looking” for it and breaks hearts while I look for someone I know is a “dream”. I knew his statement came from a honest place so I did not take offense. This is honestly a very close friend. One of the very few who know the lifestyle I live. I just laughed it off. I denied his accusation  and we moved on but it caused me to really reflect.

Am I now the enemy?

I remember when I decided I was going to be honestly with myself at 21 yrs old . I was bisexual and no matter how much I denied it would not not go away.  It was not just a phase.  And suppressing it was making the urges stronger and me go silently insane. So I decided I owe myself the chance. I told myself that “I rather have one person of substance than many of no value” living this lifestyle change. I wanted one fox or hybrid and just enjoy it, give my best. I said I would not have pointless sex or many partners. I would be as honest with them (as I can be). Not play games. Just give it my all and would not settle. I will just concentrate on that one . I will be in search for that one.

Needless to say I have drifted from my goal. My friend’s statement  made me realize something I saw but tried to deny. I’m 23 at the moment and still “in search”.  I have done everything I did not want to do. I settled, body count on the raise, pointless sex, meaningless interactions, “talking” to more than one, being honest but withholding information (still lying),  playing the game before I get played and now unsure if I want “that one”.

How did this happen?
How did I become the dudes that did me wrong in this process?
The irony.
Am I the only one this happen to?
Is there any turning back?

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: Am I The Big Bad Wolf For Being In A lot of Foxhole?” →

yeah.
i’m def having one of those days.
will be serious tomorrow.
tonight i want to lay on the couch with you and watch these two flicks…

Continue reading “Who Wants To Watch A Movie With Me Tonight? (17)” →

okay so i won’t even lie.
this one had me stuck for a good day.
i don’t know if my brain shut off or what…
anyway round 3… Continue reading “THE GAMES THE FOXHOLE PLAYS (3)” →

ok so everyone liked that first game i posted.
thanks everyone who tried with their comments,
as well as my boo on tumblr.
i told karoke to send me another and well…

Continue reading “The Games The Foxhole Plays (2)” →

so karoke,
my vixen friend,
is into comics and games.
i like that about her because she is a nerd just like me.
she sent me a comic yesterday that was is a mystery you have to solve..
i didn’t figure it out so she ended up telling me what it was.
i’m going to post it and ask…

Continue reading “The Games The Foxhole Plays (1)” →