hope is one of my bad words now.
its a passive word.

“I hope he will stop cheating on me.” He won’t.
“I hope this scammer will send me a video for 100 dollars.” No chance in hell.
“I hope this job will appreciate how hard I work.” They won’t.
“I hope I will become a millionaire.” You may or may not depending on God’s plan.

imo.
it’s a word formed in fantasy and dilutes reality.
for example:

A “hopeless romantic” is someone who keeps getting played over and over because they are confusing love with fantasy.

i have had hope for a lot of things,
especially when it came to other males interest that i wasn’t sure about.

“I hope this dude will finally see me the way I see him.”

…and years later,
i was still holding onto hope of a fantasy that never manifested.
i’ve learned another word and im gon’ share it with The Foxhole…

Is it possible that chasing happiness is making us unhappy?

recently,
i had a revelation that feels like a total game changer.
ready for it?
cue the drum roll…

there are Foxholers who have stood by my side since the beginning.
many of them have picked up pom poms and cheered when i couldn’t.
they have been with me during the good and the bad.
i started a patreon and they signed up just to show their support.
that means a lot.

I continue to create content for them.
Even if it’s only 20 people,
you give those 20 people a hell of a show.

they have stood by my side since i started this platform.
when people talk about albums that got them through difficult times:

Foxholers have told me that I got them through hard times.

like,
that’s a blessing i have tremendous gratitude for.
this is acceptance of my own power comes in…

Continue reading “you aren’t there because you haven’t accepted here.” →

I tried to be kind.
Didn’t work.
I tried to be a friend.
Didn’t work.
I tried to be straight.
Didn’t work.
I tried to be gay.
Didn’t work.
I will always be a fox trapped in a cage.

 i learned very early that i will always be “a problem“.
i will always be picked apart and told to be like others to succeed.
others get to speak up for themselves but when i do it:

i was taught that i am the issue.
if i was just like all the other boys,
i’d be better.
i’d get to live a great life.
i would get all the likes and the comments.
i would be invited first.
i wouldn’t get talked about behind my back ever.
so what did i do?..

Continue reading “you are never going to accept me so i surrender” →

as of late,
i’ve started to realize something.
after this whole “michael sam” debacle,
what laverne cox said in that article yesterday,
and a comment jay left in the comment box,
i found what i wanted to say…
Continue reading “Please Accept Me” →

…are ya?
​your parents.
aren’t they scary?
i know for some of us,
the thought of telling them we like men makes you break out in hives.
after watching that episode of “being mary jane” last night,
i did not see that twist coming…
Continue reading “Your Parents May Know You Like Boys” →