So This Is How “The Ugly Friend” Feels

large“the ugly friend”.
we have one.
we maybe one.
its usually a person who isn’t physically attractive.
they always tend to hang with a posse of good looking people.
they also can sometimes can be “the hater” within the group.
come “going out” time,
its usually the same story.
as their good looking counterparts are getting attention,
they are left to hold the drinks or be wait in the car.
i can see why the “the hater” tends to come out heavy.
well its funny how being discreet or dl can be similar to “the ugly friend”…

so i went out with a home-vixen after work yesterday.
we did some light shopping and the we hit up a restaurant.

sidebar: light shopping to me is one item.
maybe two if i’m feeling frisky.

Joan-friskyanyway when we were leaving the restaurant,
this fione wolf walked past us with his friend.
i peeped him first.
i always see the fine wolves first.
its a gift god has given me.
well he saw me and we looked at each other for a hot sec.

“damn he is fine.” my home-vixen said out loud.

…so she kept checking him out.
a luxury vixens have.
since i’m a fox,
i try to keep my eye contact to a minimum in public.
unless you wink or head nod me during a stare down,
i admire but i respectfully keep it moving.
as she was checking him out,
i noticed he was doing the same.
thats when he smiled at her and then walked over to us.
taking the role as the “ugly friend”,
that was my cue to wait over to the side.

tumblr_mjj6uxo8co1qaf90uo8_250i stood there and scanned him up and down.
he was definitely “the fantasy” in my eyes.
he was “meat” i would post.
i would search for his gram if he popped up on my tumblr timeline.
he was FIONE.
he also had bawdy.
not too big.
not to small.
you could tell he worked out and taking his shirt off would be a problem.
he was light skin and he had clear skin.
his hair was cut in a fade and he was rockin’ a trimmed beard.
yeah.
he made me horny.
good enough for me.

tumblr_n3r2n2zi1R1sfze8fo1_500so they exchanged numbers and she was smiling from ear to ear.
she told me he is dominican and his accent had her feeling a certain kind of way.

“i talk to cute wolves,
but he was beyond cute.
i am so nervous.
i never had a fine wolf like that before…”

i gave her a little pep talk to motivate her.
she calmed down and we left to go our separate ways.
on the train home,
i thought about something.
as gays/bi/tri who live a discreet or dl life,
we will always take the role as “the ugly friend” with vixens.
as they meet the wolves we all fantasize about,
we are left wondering:

“When will it be my turn?”

our way of meeting wolves is completely different than vixens.
as i despise the “fuck shit” of the gay night life,
and social apps are just tools to hook up,
i dream of meeting a wolf like a vixen.
instead of watching from the background and jackin off when i get home.
some of yawl say “fuck that” and go jack off in a public place.
i see you.
tumblr_lwitgzW1PS1qaf90uo8_r1_250
as i thought about my vixen friend and her new friend,
it made me feel more lonely than i ever felt.
i wished it was that easy for me.
being able to walk out the door and get holla’d at by “a fantasy”.

how would i act?
would i be shy?
do i have to worry about “ratchet jamari” showing his ass?

i even thought about work wolf and realized thats definitely not guaranteed.
that whole situation is one mind fuck after another.
i want to be over him,
but its like…
yeah its not easy.
i deserve wolves who will be all over me.
the type of wolves that acknowledge me and are attracted to me hard body.
word.
ones that will make me question where my morals are.
you know those types.
  “the ugly friend” is not who i am.
i’m tired of being alone or being forced to decipher signs.

i want more.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

28 thoughts on “So This Is How “The Ugly Friend” Feels

  1. I get what your saying but in this instance i think you were just the third wheel, which is similar but something else altogether. Don’t let it get you down that much.

  2. Its not all physical jamari. I talked/dated some very nice attractive dudes with Face and Body………alot of them are not your typical fantasy. They can be insecure and sometimes mentally/emotionally not right. I was in a relationship with a dude who was super Fione but he was so insecure that I was talking to other dudes when I wasn’t. It was sickening… it was so sickening he got upset because we went out and female complimented me on how good I looked and he was so upset the entire night. Oddly enough I thought I would be the insecure one, he was tall, muscular and crazy swagg and thousands of followers on Instagram. but anyway, Im always rooting for you! I see a baller coming your way soon.

    1. ^oh hell naw swag.
      I guess it’s always different from the outside looking in.

      you are like the third person recently who has said someone new is about to come in my life.
      im keeping positive.

  3. I think about the same situation.. I think you need to question why you feel like this.. I feel is it that I am not comfortable in my own skin.. The way society is set up is that.. MAN & WOMAN is the norm.. so approaching opposite sexes is seen normal.. SAME SEX is the minority and not normally in society so until that becomes normal and DL girls and guys are comfortable in their own skin and society.. only in a gay- friendly space will you guys approach you if they fancy you.. Thats just how this life is set up..
    It can get you down.. especially having sexy family vixens who you should love and not be jealous of the sexy attention they get..

    We just have to love ourselves and get comfortable in our own skins.. this is why I don’t bash Caitlyn for her change.. She was surrounded for all her life let alone with the Kardashians’s (fashion, NFL/ NBA/ BBC men, make up, shoes, endorsements, spa) and have to hide.. he played the “ugly friend” for 40 years..

  4. This entry made me laugh but also think. I have a different problem when I go out with my vixen friend; when she introduces me as only her good friend and not boyfriend, its like females start circling in like I am fresh meat. We went to this party one night and no less than 3 women tried to give me their numbers. Other times, they will low key flirt when I get away from her and some have boldly ask was that my wife or girlfriend and whats up not really caring if we where together, a lot of these females are she-jackals, lol. Now a couple of times, I have went out with her, I have had a few dudes give me eye contact and that is always funny as well. Now Str8 dudes mostly will not approach her and she is very pretty when were out, of course I am 6’1 so maybe they think I am her man or husband, one dude talked to her when I step away and started apologizing when I walked up and I was like Bro you are cool, but they are still uneasy especially if you are big like me lol.

    Now your homegirl is a little naive to think that this dude does not have other girls he is talking too or already married or booed up, it is rare that a good looking well built dude, either str8 or gay does not have at least somebody who is with them or lusting over them. I guess vixens think that they can be the one. I think alot of foxes think like this too, but rarely does it work like that.

    J, now for you. You are going to have to get in a gym regularly or start jogging or hanging out in the park during the summer, walk or jog or exercise by the B-Ball court. The kind of wolves you like are either in the gym or the park. You got to get you a few work out outfits, that dont scream flaming, but sort of show off what you working with as well lol. I have been seeing a few foxes this summer in the gym and they seem to always know how to get attention.

    1. ^oh I think that wolf has vixens everywhere.
      he is fine and Spanish…
      fidelity isn’t actually “real” in their world lol

      either way,
      if he checks out to be safe in all areas of his life,
      I don’t see an issue with him banging her a few times.

      when I get my money right,
      im still investing in that gym/trainer t!

  5. That’s the struggle for us man 🙁
    The main ways where we can meet others like us is through online sites, smartphone apps, clubs, pride, small gay spaces/organizations etc.
    You only get lucky if you can meet someone in a different place other than that. I have yet to clock a gay/bi person in my gym. They’re probably there but my gaydar is very off so I don’t bother cruising.

  6. Ummm Jamari I’m not with you on this one. I think the opposite. I hang with a lot of girls and their definition of fine and the gay definition of fine are totally opposite

    1. ^well I want my definition of fine and discreet trying to get at me fly.
      just not in the usual places we go to find that attention.
      like someone mentioned pride or a mall bathroom.

      1. Jamari one thing I had to learn awhile ago is sometimes you have to be BOLD. If that wolf caught your eye dont look away keep looking. Alot of discreet/curious guys don’t know how to make the first move. Im sure you have seen all these porn with tranny/fat white guys/jackals getting fine ass trade and everyone assumes a coin is involved. But thats not true these ugly motherfuckers have nothing to lose so they are bold. I saw this happen with my own two eyes and from that day I decided If I see something i like i take it

  7. I used to go through the this same thing with my best friend all the time. When we worked together men would come on to her all the time while I was literally the third wheel just standing there or having to walk away. It sucks because just as you I would wonder when is that going to be me.

    Of course she never understood where I was coming from, because men that are her type approaching her was the norm. Yes she has done losers try it but for the most part it was always sexy attractive men. I’ve only had like 2 guys approach me like that and neither were ones I found attractive, but I was told by my friends to give them a try (like I had no other choice because with me being gay I don’t get to pick from the best I have to settle for whatever comes my way to them).

    It gets super frustrating because I will rely on Jackd’ to look for something because it’s not happening in real life. I don’t approach men I find cute because most of the time they are straight or taken. I don’t hang out in any gay area and when I do nothing pops up that I like. (Plus I’m shy and not really a chaser.) sigh the life of a fox.😩

  8. Usually I try not to think like this, but I found myself in that frame of thought yesterday. I was on the train headed home and I was sitting across from this cute wolf. I had to look at the floor because if I looked up my eyes would be drawn to him, and he kept noticing lol. I’m very reserved so I don’t have the bravery to approach someone like that, its just not my character.

    Heck the whole train ride there and back there were attractive people, and it actually made me depressed a little. I was thinking about how though I’ve never actively sought out validation from some dude, I never or rarely get anything at all. Its very difficult to maintain confidence in yourself if it never pays off.

    Sometimes, I just want the experience of having someone that I can let go and actually be attached to in some way, and feel like I belong somewhere or accepted, as well as it being both ways. I want the experience of making another guy happy and make him feel special. I would like to feel special/important or like I matter to someone.

    I saw all these couples on the train, and usually I don’t care about other people, but I found myself feeling the sting of it. Not to mention that the guy I was hanging out with (straight dude) was talking to me about his new girlfriend etc. basically rubbing it in my face, lol, I mean, I didn’t want to hear about that at that moment LOL!

    Idk, perhaps its just a pipe dream at this point, and realistically speaking, being alone is probably better for me in most cases anyway. But yeah, I totally feel where you’re coming from, especially the: “when will it be my turn?” I was thinking that last night as well. I’ve resolved myself to the idea that I might never have a turn. This mind-games thing is just not how I want to live my life lol.

    1. You sound exactly how I used to sound.

      I’ve never fit in anywhere as early as I can remember.

      That feeling Jamari and you felt of being invisible is apart of me now, unless I’m being confrontational or asserting myself. Not just with straight dude, but with anyone.

      I had to let go of those feelings of wanting to belong, wanting validation, and needing anyone. All of it was like a dead limb I had to amputate if I ever wanted to move from the dark places life can take you.

      I had to belong to myself and do things to validate myself. The world and those in it will pick you and put you down so much you’ll be spinning.

      1. I agree, usually I’m self-sufficient and I’m fine regardless, but I still have days where I have weak moments. Yesterday I was surrounded by that energy so I guess it threw me off guard.

        In general I find validation in myself, and I try to do things that make me feel good but some days its just not enough.

        Luckily the straight dudes i hang around aren’t really my type, (but one of them has a fine-ass brother, I must say) but its when I’m out and about that I find myself thinking these things.

        Again, I think with the way that I am, being alone is probably the best fit for me anyway. I’m not the easiest to understand or to get to know, but some days, I just want things to be different for once.

        I still have my weak moments, I think I’ve snapped out of it mostly by now though.

    2. I was in the supermarket yesterday with my bother and there was this GORGEOUS dude that caught my eye. I don’t know if he was Latino or mixed…but he was drop dead gorgeous. He and I kept ending up in the same aisle, and I thought I saw him checking out my ass and smirking. When my brother and I were on the checkout line he came to the line next to ours, and we kept locking eyes. I looked behind me to see if a chick was behind me, and when I looked back…there was that smirk again. When he walked away he looked back. I wanted to meet him in the parking lot so badly. Shit like that ALWAYS happens when I’m with someone! UGH! LOL

      I don’t want a relationship. I’m fine with wham-bam-thank you maam or FWB. LOL

  9. @Dignified: Trust me I have moments when I don’t feel like a cyborg lol. The grocery store and buy the mall are the worst! That’s why I avoid those places or go early lol

    I simplify it by saying sometimes you just want someone that knows how you like your subway sandwich. Someone that “sees” you.

    @Jamari: Very few people attract the types they want. I’ve even known people that go the extra mile to explore this and Ccontact men they are attracted to on social media and basically ask them if they’d find them attractive enough to approach them. You have to be prepared for the possibility of getting your face cracked though lol

    1. Yup! Exactly! and the mall gets me every time man LOL! Thats where I was yesterday. It was literally everywhere I looked, and when I was on the train I saw this really cute wolf and his vixen and I caught myself thinking “damn, I wish I could snag a cute wolf like that” and she wasn’t even all that cute LOL

      YES! I guess those moments are what make us human. I can’t be strong ALL of the time, even though I try. The one good thing about being creative is that this actually fuels me so i’ll just channel my feelings there.

      Tbh most days I don’t even want to be with anyone or care about relationships and all that, the idea makes me sick sometimes, its just not for me, most days I like being alone, so thankfully this isnt an every day struggle for me, just every now and then, and then i snap out of it and I’m a cyborg again (as you put it) lol.

  10. In this situation, as someone said you were just the third wheel. You had no reason to feel uncomfortable with yourself. A lot of people, especially in this life are self-conscience, mostly because of what they see on social media and end up comparing themselves to others. However, in this case, you were out with a female friend who happen to interact with a fine ass dude, and you felt completely ignored, but you had no reason to feel some type of way since he was straight.

  11. I definitely feel like the ugly friend when I’m with a few of my female cousins, but it’s normal for guys to check them out that’s the way life works. I’m so sick of being alone, being shy and discreet in this lifestyle will get you no where. If discreet foxes like masculine guys we have to do the approaching in most cases. This one dude at the gym that is built always use to stare at me started to talk to me a few weeks ago when I said hey to him when he was staring at me but he has a girlfriend. It seems like every dude I like has somebody. Can I just meet a masculine discreet wolf.

      1. Jamari it might be a no win right now but isn’t he inviting you to his new place soon. Jamari you might be getting your tires rotated.

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