remember the scene in kill bill,
probably in the beginning,
where bride is getting punched around by the other assassins?
they all turned on her for bill,
hence the name “kill bill”.
the whole movie was about her having to show up again.

She had to show tf up so she could take them all down,
one by one.

she had to learn to get her fight back.
kill bill is one of my favorite movies.
it came out in 2003 when i was a “bride”.
i thought that year was going to break me tbh.
its interesting how 2023 has mirrored 2003 in many ways.
many of us seem to have the same opinion about this year…

2023 has been the pits.

many of us are still dealing with the aftermath of the post-pandemic.
we are being punched around in many aspects of our lives.
we have hit rock bottom and feeling comfortable being down there.
some of the people we thought had our backs showed their true colors.
not only that,
we are asking:

Where TF is God??????

is he providing?
is he teaching?
is he been enjoying watching my black ass get whooped?

from money to life challenges,
2023 has been like kill bill for many of us.
bride could have given up and went rogue after all she went through.
she could went into hiding after seeing how strong they were.
nope!
she came back and whooped their asses.

We gotta get back up and whoop their asses.

when i look back at 2003 jamari,
he was a naive little fox who was experiencing life for the first time.
my mother was gone and i had to experience real pain with no anesthesia.
2003 was a very bad era for me but…

My strongest weapon has always been being underestimated.

 

even though 2023 jamari is a more skilled assassin,
life has dropped me on my ass again.
i’m mentally and emotionally exhausted with everything and everyone.
it’s like i want to scream but i have no voice.
therapy has taught me a better way to fight.
2003 jamari had no weapons and learned the hard way about people/life.
even with all i have learned,
i’m still feeling weak and exhausted.
i dunno.
this is a very weird year that even though i get up,
i still feel like i’m being punched back to the ground.

Like 2004,
where things got miraculously better,
I am hoping the same for 2024.

i’m gonna call this era of my life,
“SHOWIN’ TF UP“.
i was gonna call it “kill bill” but that was 2003.
this might even be the start to my villain origin story.

even though the fight has been long and hard,
and God knows we can’t take the merciless pounding anymore,
we came way too far to quit.
we still gotta show TF up and only for us.

lowkey: i always liked the number 4.