Have you ever just felt sad?
Have you ever felt scared?
(Let me get my countdown on…)
Maybe this a gay thing,
or a human thing,
but I sometimes find myself feeling out of it.
Not wanting to be bothered.
I do my little mental vaca in order to recoup and bounce back alot stronger.
Sometimes you just feel alone.
I swear to God,
I went out today to run errands and it felt like everyone was giving me an attitude.
I had to ask myself, “WTF did I do?”
From the fat bitch behind the register barking at me
to the cute ass security guard who was checking my shopping bags.
I got attitude. attitude. ATTITUDE.
As much as men want to put on a facade of strenght and “swagg on 100 thousand”,
sometimes we get down and out.
We have our days where it seems the world is just dark.
Hell lets be real,
some of us cry.
Lock ourselves in our sanctuary (the bathroom) and break down.
Some of us are single and wanting the touch of another.
Some have kids that are bad as hell/or are not being allowed to see.
Some are battling an addiction.
Some of us are D/L and want to be “normal”.
Someone got laid off today.
Someone broke up with the love of their life/got played into thinking he was the love of their life.
Someone is broke and trying to figure out how they are going to pay rent/someone is now homeless.
We are all dealing.
Then turning on the news and seeing all this crime.
Not even the hate crimes but children getting murdered.
In ways that you would think would only be written in some rated R flick.
Alot of us, as gay men, are alone.
We want men.
I want a man.
“Where the hell is he?” I sometimes ask myself.
One man that makes this gay lifestyle worth it and makes you want to get out of bed.
I am begining to think the biggest trial and tribulation in life is finding someone to love you.
As much as we are all living on Front Street,
we are missing something.
In need of something.
Dreaming of… something.
We are all in this game together.
But, how long is it before you get to the next level?