One Of Dem Days

Have you ever just felt sad?

Better yet…
Have you ever felt scared?

(Let me get my countdown on…)

(Woooosaaaaaahhhhhhhh…ok….continuing….)

Maybe this a gay thing,
or a human thing,
but I sometimes find myself feeling out of it.
Not wanting to be bothered.
I do my little mental vaca in order to recoup and bounce back alot stronger.

Sometimes you just feel alone.

Unwanted
Underappreciated.
Mis-Understood.

I swear to God,
I went out today to run errands and it felt like everyone was giving me an attitude.
I had to ask myself, “WTF did I do?”

From the fat bitch behind the register barking at me
to the cute ass security guard who was checking my shopping bags.
I got attitude. attitude. ATTITUDE.

As much as men want to put on a facade of strenght and “swagg on 100 thousand”,
sometimes we get down and out.
We have our days where it seems the world is just dark.
Hell lets be real,
some of us cry.
Lock ourselves in our sanctuary (the bathroom) and break down.

Some of us are single and wanting the touch of another.
Some have kids that are bad as hell/or are not being allowed to see.
Some are battling an addiction.
Some of us are D/L and want to be “normal”.
Someone got laid off today.
Someone broke up with the love of their life/got played into thinking he was the love of their life.
Someone is broke and trying to figure out how they are going to pay rent/someone is now homeless.
We are all dealing.

Then turning on the news and seeing all this crime.
Not even the hate crimes but children getting murdered.
In ways that  you would think would only be written in some rated R flick.

Alot of us, as gay men, are alone.

We want men.
I want a man.
Fuck that.

“Where the hell is he?” I sometimes ask myself.

One man that makes this gay lifestyle worth it and makes you want to get out of bed.
I am begining to think the biggest trial and tribulation in life is finding someone to love you.

As much as we are all living on Front Street,
we are missing something.
In need of something.
Wanting something.
Dreaming of… something.

Love.
Money.
Fame.
Peace.

Whatever.

We are all in this game together.

But, how long is it before you get to the next level?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

7 thoughts on “One Of Dem Days”

  1. i agree w/maddy. u spoke the truth on this. when i gt dwn & out lyk this i always think, damn sum1 has it worse. & i try to think of hw blessed i am & wht i have tht other ppl dnt have. tht kinda makes it better, but mostly it jst tks time.

  2. Ugh…it happens to me all the time. And I don’t have that ‘sanctuary’ so I really have no way of dealing with it. But you gotta take it one day at a time I guess….

  3. I’ve slick been going through this for a cool minute. It seems in my life, im always missing something. At one point of time, i was not in school but making 25 thousand/yearly….not bad for a 19yr old black male in the south whom had not a drop of education past the 12th grade. Now im in school but my money anit what it used to be…..Also, when i thought i was in love and things was going good (especially trust and maturity) wit my bf of 3 years since 11th grade summer(2006), it wasnt. Now he is cool and content but at one point of time he was never my bf………Always referred to as my husband, know around da vile as my husband.Not that i dont care just dont see no growth, you insecurity should wear out in the first 6 months to year in a relationship, especially when ITEMS big ITEMS are being purchased, i.e(property,cars, etc.) You would think love would be clearly established and any insecurities would be diminished….guess not on his behalf . I had to move back home, that bullshit lost my job at sprint and my nigga wasnt making issh…Its slick hard for a 21yr old 6’1 black male to make out here……stereotypes….especially in the south…..But like homeboy said shid somebody got it worse than me, hate to look at it that way but shid its tha truth.

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