I couldn’t help but wonder…
Are we all just stuck in a never-ending hamster wheel of sexual stagnation?

sexually stagnant.
it’s something many of us deal with,
whether we admit it or not.
instead of seeing other males as potential friends,
or even partners,
many of us treat them like our next conquest.
many of us could get with someone with this bawdy,
who is perfect for us…

…and still not be satisfied.
everything in dating has become a game of sexual chess,
where every conversation is dominated by the thought of sex.
there are whole twitters dedicated to it,
fonting about sexual escapades 24/7.
here’s the kicker…

We’ll excuse downright awful behavior from a straight male if he is sexy enough.

how many gays get scammed out of money by straight attentionistos,
just for a fuckin’ 3 second video of them doing something sexual?
after a convo with a Foxholer,
right after i posted that entry yesterday…

…it hit me.

When my vixen friends would shake their heads in disbelief,
over why i couldn’t move on from that toxic wolf,
i couldn’t explain it either.

the evidence was right there in front of me,
staring me in the face,
but i couldn’t see it.
what i’ve come to learn is:

Because I hadn’t fully explored or experienced my sexual self when i was younger,
because of fantasizing and romanticizing,
i got caught up with jackals who were beneath me.
Any glimmer of attention was it and it was never about dating.
It was about fucking.
They wanted to fuck me,
I wanted to fuck them,
but we were both too scared to do anything.

the bigger epiphany struck:

The reason many gay men are struggling is because we’re all stuck in sexual stagnation.

it doesn’t matter if we’ve had zero to a thousand partners.
we’re spinning on this sexual hamster wheel and then suddenly,
we hit a certain age and boom,
reality halts us.
we think back to the potential partners we lost,
even incredible friends,
because we couldn’t break free of this stagnation.

Mentally,
emotionally,
and romantically,
some of us are still teenagers,
well into our 30s,
40s,
and beyond.

there is nothing wrong with sex but sex is actually a minor experience in our lives.
it’s not that we need to settle down just for the sake of it either,
but there’s something to be said about recognizing when someone is good for us outside of sex.
the ones who do nothing but treat us right,
yet we toss them aside.
i had to wonder…

Are WE the problems that we keep complaining about?

lowkey: there is a wolf in my life who has been a great friend.
i was willing to sacrifice our friendship just to fuck him.

i am the problem.