i went to my dr. turner,
my old therapist,
with an issue that i was having about something during a past session.
i was feeling guilty over still having a past issue with someone.


“Because it’s not the right thing to do.”

“What is the right thing to do?”

“To take the high road and move forward?”

“Well you haven’t done that yet so it hasn’t been the right thing to do.”

that stuck with me.
i’ve always battled with “doing the right thing”,
but what is that exactly?

you know what i really hate that we are taught growing up?...

when someone hurts us,
the person who got the abuse must forgive them.
the abuser(s) get to go on without any punishment besides the possible karma.
why do WE need to take the high road and move on?
why do WE always have to be the ones to “be the bigger people”?
they need to be “prayed for” and handled with kid gloves.
WE must be the ones to live with all the trauma from their abuse.
 i’m here to font:


for the first time in my life,
i don’t care how it sounds or comes off.
these last two years,
i worked so hard to get a lot of trauma that jackals left me with.
it’s worse when you were kind to them too.
so off they went after hurting me,
fucked with my money,
and destroyed my reputation and self-worth.

They didn’t think about my feelings when they were doing what they did.

…and if no one comes to you and tells you what you did to hurt them,
they’ve left you with hurt to carry burdens for months and years to come.
home skillet…
they don’t get forgiveness so easily.

They get a foot on their neck until THEY apologize for their sins.

if they don’t,
that’s the price they’ll have to pay.

Some black folks LOVE to tell you to forgive others but still won’t forgive their parents or white people for their sins.

…yet WE have to be “the good ones”?

lowkey: the crazy part is that if you chose not to forgive,
you are the villain and the jackal(s) becomes the good one.

i’m over the gaslighting tactics.


  1. Jamari, I applaud you for seeking therapy and sorting things out. But for me, my passive -aggressive behavior actually works in my favor — it keeps most muthafukkas away from me. If I actually resolved my abandonment and trust issues, I would end up with more people in my circle, and nothing good can come from that!

  2. I guess I triggered this post lol. Well lil cancer, you stay right in that shell of yours and plot and rot about what everybody and everything has done to poor lil ol you. If you choose not to forgive that is your business but if you feel like your life or career is progressing then maybe some self reflection and inner healing needs to happen to unlock that advancement. It sounds like everyone around has moved on to other things while you are still carrying around the trauma of yesterday, letting it stank up today and keeping you from your tomorrow. Hopefully your next therapist can help you continue your work because clearly there MUCH MORE to be done here. In the words of Kelly Rowland, wishing you the best no stress success and lots of happiness.

    1. ^ill do that but need i remind you,
      that this is a place where i get to vent and talk about what bothers me.
      a horrible recent therapist and my last past job is hardly something to “plot and rot” about.
      need i remind you these were things that happened very recently.
      there are many people,
      and situations that i have forgave and moved on from.
      YOU chose to see what you wanted and even still,
      there are a few people that i probably won’t forgive and that’s perfectly fine.
      you don’t need to worry about my karma and destiny.

      you chose to see me how you wanted and it wasn’t nearly close to the truth and that’s okay.
      i’ve learned people choose to see what they want.
      (learned that from my therapist!)
      you can think whatever you want about me,
      but i hope you have a blessed and amazing day!
      may your new year be filled with good things,
      good people,
      and good situations that will never let you “rot and plot” like po’ po’ lil ol me.
      i’m gonna give you that grace.

      stay well and stay blessed.

      1. I’ve been in your shoes before and I know where you are in the healing process which is why I initially said what I said out of love to you. Sometimes it takes someone on the outside to give us a word about ourselves that we aren’t a aware of. This is YOUR blog, your name is on the marquee and you pay for the space so yes you can vent, smoke crack, play with yourself and anything else and that is your right and your business. I’m not telling you how to run this blog because I come to read about your life the ups and downs not the other way around. Venting is one thing but what I’ve noticed and what I’m making you aware of is a pattern that I’ve seen over the YEARS that I’ve been coming here. I’m not choosing to see you in no other way but prayerfully glorious. But I’m not going to bullshit nor sugarcoat when I feel prompted to speak to you directly. There are people that I haven’t forgiven (probably won’t ever) and I’m working on it but you won’t see me wish evil on them instead I hope whatever is broken in them that caused them to lash out is fixed. I’m not mad about what was done, that’s the part you got to get too and that requires more work to be done so you can be whole and not carrying the baggage that someone else gave you. Erykah Badu wrote a song about a bag lady, don’t let that be your theme song.

        I accept the well wishes minus the sarcasm and overly defensiveness lol. 2022 is a building year… building up and moving forward. 🙏🏾❤️🙌🏾

        1. Jamari, I meant YOU responded to the troll so kindly. Just like a real Cancerian would. THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE.

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