it’s time to officially say goodbye

foxhole,
it’s time to say goodbye


2019 is outta here.
2020 is where we are going.
we are legit going into a new decade.
as i was cleaning today,
i was reflecting on everything that went down this last decade.
there were was a lot that went down:

star fox – this was probably the biggest thing that stood out.
the year my best friend was murdered.

i will never forget that day for as long as i live.
from when i woke up and got the message,
how loud i screamed,
and the way i blew up his phone hoping it was a mistake.
he was taken from this world way too soon.

i was thinking so much about him because this decade closes that chapter.
foxhole,
i miss my friend so much.

work wolf – the saga.
i can admit that in some ways that was my fault tho.

it didn’t start out genuine between us.
i gave him my number the first time and he never called me.
we actually connected off of female drama he was in.
sure,
he texted me all the time and did suspect things,
but he didn’t wanted me.
the attention i gave him is what he enjoyed.
i threw myself at him in hopes he would.
that situation taught me so much.
i haven’t heard from him in close to a year.
he has vanished,
but i hope he is well.

jobs – i was let go from a lot of jobs this past decade.
sheesh.

many of them were because i clashed with management.
i’m always amazing at my job duties,
but 98% of my past managers were trash.

depression – i fought hard with depression and suicide.

it continues to be an uphill battle for me.
these last two months completely destroyed me,
but i was able to put all the pieces back together.
i’ll be completely honest with you foxhole,
but i think i’m just meant to be an emo type of fox.
most of my best lessons this decade came from hitting rock bottom and climbing back up.

mi – i tried.

i don’t regret giving her a place to live,
but i do feel sad that it ended up the way it did.
she nearly killed me in this apartment.
nowadays,
she is letting her disease get the best of her.
i have fantasies she will get it together,
but i’ve realized she is the only one who can help herself.

wolves – mess.

i thought i could be a thot and do the one night stand shit,
but ended up with an hiv scare that damn near killed me.
it came back negative,
but i really calmed down with being “out here out here”.
i went on a few dates after,
and even pulled an baller wolf,
but nothing panned out.
there is one wolf on my radar these days,
but i don’t know where it is going.
this new year will bring me good dick and relationship goals.

career – amazing.

it took close to ten years,
but i finally started getting acknowledged for the foxhole.
i ended up on “tmz” twice,
which was such a blessing.
2020 will be the launch of my podcast.
i’ve already done about 6 test-casts and getting comfortable with it.
i’m so excited of what is to come for “insidejamarifox”.
may this year and decade bring about my rise.

foxhole,
this decade was a roller coaster for me.
it had it’s ups and downs,
but i grew tremendously.
i don’t regret anything,
tbh.
i’m so glad you joined me on every adventure.
i can’t wait to see what 2020 has in store for all of us.

love you all!
jf

ps – be safe tonight.

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Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

24 thoughts on “it’s time to officially say goodbye

  1. I’m about to order a pizza off my normal diet and be fat. You will see the new year before I will since I’m in a different time zone so I need to spoil it.

    Season Greetings and Cheer for the Brand New Year!

  2. Happy New Year and many more to come! This was pretty much like an evolution and not a resolution. If the two appearances on TMZ doesn’t show that you are definitely on to something, the foxholers will. Everybody got your back whenever you are up or down. We rocked with you this far, we willing to go some more. I don’t know if everybody else feel like that but I sure do.

  3. You look good for what you’ve been through. Your testimony is inspiring people who visit and don’t comment. Thank you for being so open. Sharing your story will encourage someone else who is dealing with the same pain.

    See you at the Jamari Fox Gala!!!! *speaking it into existence.* It will be THE talk of the town. Where Black and Same Attracted Peoples from Media, Entertainment, Sports, Etc can come and rub elbows. Sort of like YouTube Black.

  4. Depression and suicide:
    You influence and stimulate others.

    Such a thing would mess up ppl you’ve never known or heard of. That’s a gift few have.

    Thank you.

  5. Forgot to mention, most (NOT ALL) managers are egotistical garbage. Dealing with them 1 month or longer is nothing but mental growth.

    Hurts like riding a wild horse, then you’re thrown off. Dust your butt and congratulate yourself on surviving as long as you did.

    Remember, most got the job not because they qualify, but because of whom (RARELY WHAT) they know.

    Fuckem

  6. Happy New Year. This decade saw the death of my mother, but I am going on with my life and starting a job at Jackson Hewitt as a tax preparer. I also started tech blogging in 2019 and will continue into 2020 and beyond. I wish you success and happiness.

    1. Happy new year bro! Sorry about losing mom, I can’t imagine but thank you for pushing forward! Congrats on your successes abd many more to come!

    2. ^im so sorry to hear about your mother’s death johnny!
      sorry for such a late response as well.
      know that she is protecting you on the back end.
      even tho we can’t see them,
      they are still there with us!

      happy new year as well and tremendous blessings to you!

  7. Thank you for being you and doing what you do! I come here every single day and I get mad when you don’t post! Lol it’s great that this avenue exists for us all to connect as gay black men sharing our struggles, joys, successes, love and sex as well!

    Thank you Jamari and even though you lost your best friend you gained millions!

    PS: Stay strong man depression sucks but it’s nothing you can’t overcome! Nothing wrong with being Emo that’s why the word was created so that you can be acknowledged! Love you man!

    Happy new year to you all Foxhole family!! 😘

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