it’s dripping and i can’t make it stop (wet)

i thought i was about to lose my mind this morning.
i’ve had panic attacks before,
but this one was a little bit different.
so this morning,
i woke up outta my sleep around 6am.

drip

the dripping was intense...

now i’ve gone to bed with the dripping before.
it’s always been around.
for whatever reason it was a lot stronger this morning.

*drip*

it felt like the walls were closing in on me.
suddenly,
i felt like i couldn’t breathe.
i wanted to strip off all my clothes so i didn’t feel so constrained.

*drip*

i left my bedroom and headed into the living room.
i had to open up a window because i felt the air was leaving the room.
there were all these thoughts running through my head at one time.
i was questioning if i did the right thing by getting something so big.

*drip*

it felt like it was following me around the house.
at this point,
i was ready to call 911.
i never felt this feeling as intense as i was feeling it before.
it was too early to call my friends.
how could i explain this?
what would i say?
i’m having a panic attack over wetness?

*drip*

as long as i’ve lived here,
i’ve had an ac in my window.
my neighbors ac’s usually drip on mine.
for whatever reason this morning,
it was this consistent dripping on my new ac.
i’ve had smaller ones before,
but this one was much bigger and stuck out farther.
it felt like every ac above mine was dripping all over it.
it sounded like the window was cracking every other second.
i wanted to push the whole fuckin’ ac out the window to make it stop.
it’s crazy how it never bothered me before,
but today...

 

i spoke to pose this morning about it:

honestly,
i’ve had a lot of things on my mind.
the current climate and the future of my life.
everything is so uncertain and unsure at the moment.
the dripping might have represented those nagging thoughts i keep having.
i feel trapped in my own body and mind sometimes.

Does anyone else feel the same?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

4 thoughts on “it’s dripping and i can’t make it stop (wet)

  1. It’s a very stressful time for everyone right now man. We been moving in phrases here in NYC, so when you see the streets full with people drinking and not social distancing…it makes you worry will we get shut down again or even get to phrase 3 or 4. All these things create stress and anxiety because it seems like things won’t change. They will man. My sleep pattern has been off since March, it’s rough…the people I thought would encourage me and make it easier…did the total opposite! Was on a me me me tour…meaning it was ALL about them and fuck me, even if we are close friends. You will be ok Jamari believe it!

    1. ^thank you NDJ.

      these are the types of things we also need to talk about.
      some people are not “ok” and feel like they’re all alone.
      hell,
      in talking with pose,
      even she is going through similar as i am.
      it helped to know because we see so many others having fun and being reckless,
      yet we are wondering what’s next for us.

  2. I am very sensitive to sounds. (Breathing sounds, eating sounds, vocal fry, tapping, ect. When I am relaxed i.can handle those sounds. When I am stressed I cant concentrate. I become hypercfocused on the sounds.

    I think you might have the same thing. I think your stress is exacerbates other annoyances like the dripping. The dripping isn’t the problem it’s your overall stress.

    Youtube breathing exercises, that will help your body to calm down.

    Try yoga meditation too. YouTube has videos. It is very helpful. Create a routine if you don’t have one. Routines will give structure to your day so they don’t blend into each other.

    1. ^you are on the money with this.
      i definitely am hyper focused on sounds when i get stressed and overwhelmed.

      the dripping happened this morning and i didn’t react to it like i did yesterday.
      i’m going to try your suggestions!

      thanks mansur!

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