i thought i was about to lose my mind this morning.
i’ve had panic attacks before,
but this one was a little bit different.
so this morning,
i woke up outta my sleep around 6am.
the dripping was intense...
now i’ve gone to bed with the dripping before.
it’s always been around.
for whatever reason it was a lot stronger this morning.
it felt like the walls were closing in on me.
i felt like i couldn’t breathe.
i wanted to strip off all my clothes so i didn’t feel so constrained.
i left my bedroom and headed into the living room.
i had to open up a window because i felt the air was leaving the room.
there were all these thoughts running through my head at one time.
i was questioning if i did the right thing by getting something so big.
it felt like it was following me around the house.
at this point,
i was ready to call 911.
i never felt this feeling as intense as i was feeling it before.
it was too early to call my friends.
how could i explain this?
what would i say?
i’m having a panic attack over wetness?
as long as i’ve lived here,
i’ve had an ac in my window.
my neighbors ac’s usually drip on mine.
for whatever reason this morning,
it was this consistent dripping on my new ac.
i’ve had smaller ones before,
but this one was much bigger and stuck out farther.
it felt like every ac above mine was dripping all over it.
it sounded like the window was cracking every other second.
i wanted to push the whole fuckin’ ac out the window to make it stop.
it’s crazy how it never bothered me before,
i spoke to pose this morning about it:
i’ve had a lot of things on my mind.
the current climate and the future of my life.
everything is so uncertain and unsure at the moment.
the dripping might have represented those nagging thoughts i keep having.
i feel trapped in my own body and mind sometimes.