i will not fall into your trap satan (you will not lure me into the pits of over-thinking hell)

“i don’t know what i want to do with my life.”
“let me scroll twitter for a while again…”
“maybe i should jack off again.
i mean,
shit,

i’ve done it like 5 times so far…”
“i wonder what he is doing?
does he even still think about me anymore?”
“i should be over him,
but i can’t seem to get him off my mind.”
“do i want a job or a career?”
“what would i even do in this new world of wfh these days?”
“i’m feeling scared for the future,
but i’m still trying to stay optimistic.”

“are we sure unemployment is extended?”
“let me go watch a tv show or something…”

that was me over-thinking in the span of 10 minutes just now.
i had to get tf up and write this entry.
you know what i’ve realized during this social isolation?…

If you aren’t keeping yourself “busy”,
you mind will take you the depths of overthinking hell.

just now,
i was sitting on my couch and started scrolling through twitter.
after i reached my peak,
i sat there for a second and started to feel this sadness come over me.
it followed so much thoughts that made me feel insecure or scared.
i tried to do a quick meditation,
but i couldn’t stop thinking of all the worst things that could happen in my life.
if you really want to be technical:

We are already in the “worst that could happen” stage of life

its like you have to fill your days and nights with something to do.
even if it’s dancing around your living room,
or making plans to take over the world,
you gotta keep doing something to make sure you don’t slip.
it’s very easy to start getting depressed these days.
some days are good; others days you need Jesus and his the disciples.
i decided to give myself a facial,
take a shower,
and go play video games with my friends.
i might finish this last season of “dead to me” in-between that time.
i have to make sure i’m doing something so my mind can stay active.
if not…

low-key: one of the foxholers sent me this that i wanted to share…

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

5 thoughts on “i will not fall into your trap satan (you will not lure me into the pits of over-thinking hell)

  1. That lady’s video really blessed me just now. I needed to hear that and see that. It’s all true. This quarentine has a certain way of making one feel stuck. But in reality one isn’t stuck just on pause for a moment. That’s all. Progress is happening and yes during these days the best thing anyone can do is keep yourself safe and busy. I’ve been reading a lot more and discovering new music. My favorite pastime is discovering old house music and reading unauthorized biographies of some of my favorite musicians. Right now i am reading Mel B(scary spice)’s autobiography. I have also made plans to really hit the gym when things finally get back on track. Anyways Jamari great entry as always and please keep the faith.

    1. ^i love this d!

      this really inspired me to start exploring more as well.
      i need to finish my book and start this other book one of my friends bought for me.
      thank you for sharing and being transparent during this.
      you are so right everything is simply on pause at the moment.
      that’s a really good way to look at things.

  2. Thank you for saying everything that goes through my mind. It’s so hard trying to keep it together, especially now. But I tell myself you have to keep going.

    And that video was a nice. One step at a time.

  3. This isn’t for everyone, but soundcasts like these has helped me immensely when anxiety and panic seek to consume. The power of meditation can literally transform your mood in seconds without prescription drugs. I listen with noise canceling headphones while seated in a yoga position.

    https://youtu.be/4EaMJOo1jks

    Forgive yourself, Love yourself. The future you will be forever grateful ☺️

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