i want to apologize to you

…i truly am.
i was thinking about you today.
i think about you a lot actually.
thinking about how much i really liked you,
but i fucked it all up.
i’m so damn awkward when i’m around someone i’m really feelin’.
there was a time you were trying to get at me,
but i acted standoffish.
i mean you fumbled the bag too,
but i’ll get into that after i font my peace.
now it wasn’t that i was standoffish…

I was scared.

its funny,
but i’m much more confident when i’m on a hook up app.
i’m use to the back and forth and the finally meeting up.
if a cute wolf (like yourself) is trying to hit on me in public,
but i suffer from bad anxiety,
i tense up and can come off like i’m not interested.
i was interested.
well,
am” interested.
i was scared tho.
thing is…

You were scared too.

you didn’t make me feel comfortable either.
we were mirroring each other.
you made me question if i was right or wrong,
if this was really happening,
and wondering if i wasn’t bold enough.
you were holding back as much as i was.
i’m not gonna take the full blame.
i tried to let you know in various ways that i wanted you,
but you acted really stush on some of those occasions.
i get it,
you wanted to be in control,
but how long did you expect to keep me on hold?

i’m learning to be more open and relaxed.
sometimes,
i question if a dude really likes me in person.
i’m erasing thoughts of “why would he even like me?“.
he should like me.
i’m a fuckin’ catch and my booty is good.
clearly you were interested because you tried to get at me.
we both fumbled the bag.
i want to apologize for my part in it.

i don’t know if we’ll ever see each other again.
hell,
you might have moved on to someone who is more open.
i really did like you tho.
hell,
still like you.
if we are ever in the same vicinity again,
and you try to bag me,
i’ll def let you know i’m wit it next time.
i want you,
that dick,
my head in a headboard,
and i won’t be playing any games next time.
if not,
thank you for the moment we shared at that time.
you taught me a lot in that little time.
i won’t make the same mistake with the next wolf.
laundry service.

lowkey: i felt a strong release writing that.
i might do these dirty laundry entries more often.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

10 thoughts on “i want to apologize to you

  1. This was so right on time for me! I just went through a similar situation like this this morning… ran the Nigga off 🤦🏾‍♂️

  2. I used to be like this. Now I speak up. I once heard it’s not how often you hang out, talk to, etc with him. It’s WHAT you do. So hanging out everyday means nothing if he finds you dry. ONE good conversation will have him thinking about you for a month. So I make it plainly known in the beginning then let things happen naturally. Get out of your own way.

    Closed mouths don’t get bed.

  3. Will someone please put a book out on how all this stuff works? Let him take the lead, no, you take the lead, no, you might scare him off. It’s too much at times!

    1. ^TOO MUCH.

      i wish a dude would get at me like how the nfl baller wolf did.
      he hit me up,
      texted me,
      and then asked me to go out.
      he was confident in it all.
      hell,
      it took me off guard because i’m so use to the dumb ass games random and regula dudes play.

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