Have you ever noticed how we dumb ourselves down to make others feel relatable?

yesterday,
i stepped out to run some errands.
there’s this older woman in my building i always bump into.
you know the type:

Pleasant
Chatty
Nosy

i’m always on guard with those types.
those types have always been two-faced.
so when she asked me the classic:

“How are ya doing baby?”

i responded like this and caught myself…

“Ugh,
I’m okay.
You know how life is…
just trying to survive one day at a time.”

…but as i walked down the street,
i couldn’t help but wonder:

Why do i always answer her like this?

and then it hit me like a ton of bricks:

I’m always answering her like this.

not once have i ever told her i’m having a good day.
it’s like i’ve been programmed to paint my life as this disaster,
all because of two key influencers:

1) My grandmother
2) My survival mode technique

you see,
life taught me that showing too much happiness is like waving a red flag in front of a bull.
people like to feel others are in bull pen with them.
questions start flying:

Why’s he so happy?
What does he have going on?
Oh,
he thinks he’s alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll that.

the next thing you know,
they’re trying to get in your business or worse,
take advantage of you.
to protect myself in survival mode,
i learned to shrink and speak down about myself.
dimming my light just enough to blend in,
like camouflage in a jungle of social expectations.
complaining and being pessimistic came from my grandmother.
“misery loves company” and was always miserable.
this is what i realized:

Life has its challenges,
sure,
but I don’t want a rain cloud flying out my mouth anymore.

next time,
my response is simple:

“I’m good.
I hope all is well with you.”

and if their response is “life sucks and then we die“?

“Well,
i hope it gets better.
It always does,
doesn’t it?”

lowkey: what if we responded to others IRL that our lives are amazing?