foxmail: the dude i’m dating is so nice that it gives me feminine energy. help!



i was just telling someone on the phone:

“Nice guys are manipulative.
They use their “niceness” to expect privilege.
Nice guys aren’t really nice at all.
In fact,
they are up there with the fuck bois of the world…”

in this forest of dating,
we end up dealing with many assholes.
ones who know how to play the game much better than we do.
so when a “nice” male comes along,
we drop our guard and deal with him because he isn’t the norm.
the nerds are notorious for these tactics.
nerds can be the biggest fuck bois out there.

i don’t think it’s so much a “feminine energy“,
but it’s something we aren’t use to.
being 110:

People are use to assholes and bitches so much,
that anything less than that is strange and can’t be trusted

“Why are they being so nice?”
“What are they hiding?”
“When will the other shoe drop?”

nice guys have no “oomph” either.
they aren’t exciting or reek any danger.
they don’t scare us or make us question ourselves.
during the honeymoon phase while dating them,
it’s all good,
but we realize they aren’t the one once that wears off.

Why is it when i’m a raging he-bitch to males i’m not attracted to,
they will damn near lay out the red carpet for me?
Or when i’m aloof to someone i’m really feeling,
it makes their dick hard in conquest?

i can bark at someone and be difficult because some wolves love that.
as soon as i return the favor and show “niceness”,
they get confused and want a refund.

even though he looks good,
he might not be what you’re “use to”.
that isn’t a bad thing,
but you have to ask yourself…

“Is he worse than the other males I dealt with?”

these dating forest suck,
but being in a relationship that doesn’t stimulate is a waste of energy.
so you have to decide if you want to let it go or work with it.
that is a decision that’s up to you,
but whatever choice you make,
you have to live with it.
remember tho: if you met someone who stimulates you better,
you will cheat and that can lead to bad karma your way.
hope that helped!



Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

20 thoughts on “foxmail: the dude i’m dating is so nice that it gives me feminine energy. help!”

  1. He rants and raves about NOT being attracted to “feminine energy” yet he closes he comments with quotes from Nene Leaks.

    lol you can’t be taken seriously. And I feel badly for any decent guy who wastes his time with your damaged mindset.

  2. Honestly it just sounds like the guy is too available and you are looking for a bit of a chase. Maybe he’s ready for a relationship but you are still looking for a conquest. It’s best to just let him go and not waste anymore of his time.

    1. @ Brian, exactly this guy ain’t ready, be honest with that man, don’t let him get emotionally attached and you knowing full well you don’t feel the same! Stop playing games before someone gets hurt, don’t mistake his kindness for weakness.

  3. And you wonder why your in the situation your in, with a comment like this. Smh, y’all really have to become accountable for the results your getting in your lives due to your own mindset.

  4. Dear fox readers.

    I have been reading the comments regarding my current situation with my (nice fox) and I see that a lot of thing have been taken out of context. Yeas I am the source of this post or the inspiration if you will.
    So how should I start, well I believe in the 3 types of match when dating a guy, the sexual one, the mental one and well the physic one. (because I like them buff manly like me, not judging). Those factors are important for me even though I get it when they say that you can never have everything in life and that you should be grateful that you found a guy that does not give you headaches. I get that. Now putting that aside.

    The reason why I don’t like it when my date starts being too nice at the beginning of the relationship is because I have been through different experiences where it never ended right. I am not saying that I hate it when someone treats me right and takes care of me because come on, we are humans, but it always ends wrong why I will explain.

    I am the type of guy with a strong character and temper, I am that type of dude that apart from being goofy, funny and the life of the party I am bold, assertive and likes to get shit done, you can say that I am a good ALPHA kind of dude. So I am attracted to guys with that type energy, someone that wont make me feel as if that I NEED to call him or text him through the day multiple times (after sending him a good morning text) because otherwise he will get into his feelings or start feeling insecure.

    My brother Oeste.2.Oriente said: “ I’ve never heard of a guy’s niceness being equated to feminine energy. That’s just ridiculous. Lol. It’s simply a guy who was raised right, to be kind to others”.

    I hear you brother but this is what I meant when I said that things were being taken out of context, and the reason why I said that was because I was trying to figure out why was I getting annoyed of the fact that he was always too available and kind at such an early stage, and then I read something that might be linked to the fact that we males or at least me myself, I am attracted to males that gives off that men energy, that manly vibe that makes your tail wiggle for a minute and it doesn’t necessarily need to be a fuck boy. I know a lot of loyal and kind men with goals in life that give off that type of energy. And since I am gay, I don’t like it when a male gives off a lot of female energy because I don’t feel attracted to that, meaning that they are always there, they want to do this, do that, in one word. I don’t like it when I feel chocked by their attention and love in such an early stage. Because what will happen is what has always been happening. They start to be clingy and asking too much of me, and knowing how my life is, I don’t want someone to be 100% dependent of me 24/7 is not sexy in my eyes and it ends up annoying me.

    I hope that everything is clearer now. And if not, I am open for new points of views

    But i said my piece my fellow foxes. Like nene said “take it, leave it, run with it, but i said what I said”.

    Thank you jamary that andy cohen looks good on you lol. wink

    1. The problem seems to be in your perception. This female energy vs. male energy mindset seems a little flawed too. Simply because you’re taking certain attributes and assigning it to one gender, when it’s more so an overall human thing. Any gender can fall under the “always too available and kind at such an early stage” view you have.

      (This “early stage” thing is funny to me. Like is the guy suppose to be distant and mean in the beginning and slowly build toward being nice. Lol)

      I don’t know this dude or you, but from what you wrote, it seems as if you view the niceness, the attention and love “in such an early stage” as needy, whereas he may see it as him just showing you he’s fully into you and care about you. And with your perception of his actions, you’ve associated neediness as a “female energy” trait and that doesn’t “make your tail wiggle”.

      So, once again, I’ll say, leave that nice, attention & love giving guy for someone else who will treasure having them. That someone seem like it will never be you.

      Wait on your sexy ALPHA, who can be distant and slowly build toward the niceness they’ll show you. Then maybe you can enjoy dating them.

      (Before you begin dating the next guy, make sure they know the rules of “your” type of dating because if they go into it with some of the basic and normal standards of dating, they’re doomed for misery. Lol)

      1. ^i love this answer.
        it was informative without being nasty.
        i appreciate those who can be honest without having to cut folks down.

      2. ⬆️⬆️ Your sarcasm is golden 🤣🤣 I think his feelings weren’t really expressed in the original post, but you do have valid points. As someone who has dealt with men and women, I can assure you that men are just as needy as women. And honestly, neediness on its own isn’t a bad thing. We all have needs and what a person needs from a connection is going to vary. Just because someones needs are different from yours doesn’t mean they’re wrong. And you’re not wrong for not wanting to deal with a person if you realize that you’re not willing or able to supply those needs. As long as your needs are expressed in a healthy way, I see no problems. Oftentimes the line between expressing needs and being codependent gets blurred. I can totally relate to him not wanting to be in a codependent relationship. I’ve ended relationships with people because of that so I get it. But that has nothing to do with how nice they are. But I digress…..

    2. I’m sorry to say this to you, Sir. And I mean this in the most kindest way possible. What you are describing is a friend with benefits. Plain and simple.

    3. Is he “dependent” on you “24/7” or he not pretending he doesn’t see your calls/texts?

      I’m curious as to how (or why) you expect to build a relationship with someone that is unavailable? I would say you deserve better but only you know what’s really going on here.

      In any case, this reminds me of the usual folks on Twitter who have taken a break from blaming their poor choices on Zodiac signs to wax poetic about toxic relationships and good dick. There’s a lot of unpacking to do and it’s not the “nice” person’s job in this instance.

  5. A person who equates someone being nice to feminine energy has alot of issues with themselves. Maybe contacting the therapist isnt such a bad idea after all.
    When delaing with human beings I tend to treat everyone as an individual and not generalise unless I see some signs which may lead me to think otherwise about someones personality.
    Sometimes its good to get to know someone before getting overly intimate, the mind won’t get clouded and you can make a more informed judgement on their personality.
    The person who wrote in is clearly not yet emotionally mature enough to deal with an adult, drama free relationhip, life is not an episode of love and hip hop beloveds…grow up!

  6. Man y’all preaching up in here! When those nice guys get fucked over from “not the one for me” types they turn into those “assholes” “undercover fuck niggas” you always tired of running into. People fail to realize, after so much they adapt to their situation and sometimes it can be too late to get them back. We shit on nice guys because they mayb be jaded to us and all they want to do is give us what we actually want and need. Be glad don’t nobody want to fuck yo man when you go out! Who wants to fight and have to defend yourself everything you walk out the door because some hoe want yo man dick. You can save all that, “if he love me he will defend our relationship” or “if he willing to go with them hoes then he wasn’t the one for me anyway”. That’s bullshit! You knew any moment he would leave you because you said somewhere down the line, “what do a guy like you want from a guy like me”. That line right there set yo self up for him to leave with the first bitch that said something to him. While you fell for his “zero fucks” attitude you didn’t realize he feel like that towards you when you could’ve had you a Steve Urkel with a size 10 or 11 inch dick or JLo Megan thee Stallion booty that will do any and every fucking thing for you to make you happy because that makes him happy.

  7. I’m tired of these gays saying they want a Russell Wilson knowing they want a Future! I get so sick of the complaining to be honest. Like For example my friends want these hood masculine tops who dog their ass out. However an inbetween versatile guy who is a catch they kick him to the curb! I’m like msn leave me alone with your bs. I am with my dude 11 years it hasn’t always been perfect but hey it’s the best man I ever pray for!

    1. Virtually high-fiving y’all!

      It’s like the women/men who love bad boys but constantly crying to their mommas, sisters/brothers, aunties/uncles, cousins and ‘em when that bad boy does something bad. Lol.

      Irks my nerves! 😀

  8. Sometimes a nice guy is just simply a nice guy! Too many times, people get stuck on waiting for all the “other shoe to drop moments” that they’ve put into their own psyche to happen.

    I’ve never heard of a guy’s niceness being equated to feminine energy. That’s just ridiculous. Lol. It’s simply a guy who was raised right, to be kind to others.

    I’ll say, leave that nice guy for someone else who will treasure having them. There are really good guys out there in the world. Not just the f-boys, liars and perpetrators.

    Unfortunately, many say they want a good man but when they get one don’t know what to do with them. Lol. Until you’re ready to deal with a real good guy, keep enjoying the headaches from the f-boys, liars and perpetrators. 🙂

    1. Whewww chile!! I was gonna try to comment to this post in a graceful way but….. You hit the nail on the head lol….. Do both of yourselves a favor and just leave that man alone. If he’s a fuck boy, then you dodged a bullet. If he’s too nice and that doesn’t get you wet, then find someone who does and stop wasting that man’s time!

    2. Exactly! Let that man go so he can find somebody ready for him and you can go play with the fuck boys.

    3. The whole nice equals feminine thing just makes me think of the stereotype of black men being super aggressive and dangerous. I can see someone saying niceness is for white people. As black people we really need to stop internalizing the racist ways America views us. Substitute the word nice for “soft” and you’ll see what I mean.

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