when you go to therapy,
you start to close doors from people who left them open.
the ones who you hoped would walk back inside.
some of us carry a lot of burdens from folks in our pasts.
it shows in how some of us treat people now.
i was having a conversation with a friend yesterday about forgiveness.
there are some mutuals we know that i’m not speaking to.
it was a whole thing and i saw how sides were chosen in the end.
i knew these folks for 7 years and realized i didn’t know them at all.
he urged me to reach out and try to start the conversation with them.
that is all well and good but like i told him and ima font ya’ll…
Before in my life,
I was someone who needed people.
Whether it was relationships or friendships,
I had a strong urge to be liked and appreciated.
I use to do the reaching out thing in hopes of starting over.
Now that I’m in therapy,
I’m good.
with that past group,
i was sad about it ending but i’ve learned to enjoy things without them.
they have shown me who they are and i chose to believe it.
they clearly showed me they didn’t need me.
it helped me realize that i needed me tho.
there are folks with who i’ll have a conversation with about past issues.
there are folks i’ll never speak to again.
there are folks that i’m taking a break from due to their behavior.
there are folks that i’m hoping they try me so i can drag them respectfully.
the beauty is:
It’s my choice rather than someone else.
…and folks will have to adjust to these changes and simply deal.
I’m happy for you.
However I don’t see this working for me. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be treated poorly. I let go of the “You’re so dumb! How didn’t you see the red flags?!”
As far as “forgiving others”, uh they have to have remorse. Remorse is not an apology. It’s making amends. It’s doing better actively. Not so they let you back in your life, but to be a better person.
Too many people “get clean, go to therapy” for the sake of someone giving them another chance. If they didn’t give you a chance and said to be better to others, would you undo all the progress therapy had done? It’s like working out to get dates and not to increase your self-esteem.
So for ME, I don’t forgive unless they actively seek our forgiveness.
The idea that time heals wounds is ridiculous. If you cannot acknowledge what you did, I cannot acknowledge your existence.
I pray that your heart softens and you learn the meaning of extending grace to others as you would like someone to extend to you. I can see you have either not started your journey or your at the very beginning. Keep on living and I hope maturity and wisdom comes your way.
Now this is something I can get behind. Much love!
^ill never tell anyone to chase forgiving someone because “it’s what you are supposed to do”.
some people don’t deserve YOUR forgiveness since they were very well aware of right and wrong.
you need to forgive them for their toxic behavior?
what?
BUT you do get to a point where you are over it and you simply move forward.
true growth is realizing you may never get that closure or final conversation.
you have to find a way to let it go and become great in your life.
Forgiving isn’t easy but it’s necessary. I know the more sensitive and emotional the person is, the harder that will be to achieve. That last part you said is so important and most people don’t ever understand that. Good for you!
^ ❤️
Well said man! It’s the same when ppl don’t wana forgive, you gotta take care of yourself and move on as well.
^ ❤️❤️❤️