FOXMAIL

Let me start by saying this is Malcolm, I’ve been a faithful follower of your blog for quite some time. I want to just say to you that your blog gives more than just eye candy..It gives the readers, which is a body of various men from different walks a life, a connection in regards to what we have all experienced in this lifestyle. It gives us instruction of how to respond and carry ourselves when dealing with the bullshit that this lifestyle often brings and lastly HOPE that one day all of those things will lead to the man of our dreams…

I don’t know if this is really an advice FOXMAIL or just me giving a testimony but here goes:

2014 has been a emotionally exhausting year in a sense. I had just moved back to Philadelphia in January, after being away for 5yrs (attending college, living and just trying to progress thru life) so when i came back i figured since i just graduated from college in December and i was back home I was about to TURN UP and big things was a ‘gwon down’ buddy like my foreign relatives would always way LOL…BUT it was the exact opposite…I was accepted into this competitive forensic science program but didn’t have enough aid to fund it being that i didn’t get my STEM scholarship so i couldn’t go. JOBS kept telling me i either didn’t qualify or ‘over-qualified’. i had to live with someone for the first time in five years, and being on your own for such a long time then having to stay with someone is a BIG adjustment…ESPECIALLY when the person just ‘tolerates’ your lifestyle…they know, and so do you, that they abhor the way you live and think.

After being sexually abstinent for almost 7 months i had grown lonely and wanted some attention…so i did my casual perusing online and found a guy. He was 5’10, dark skin, nice physique and his dick game was beautiful…YES i said BEAUTIFUL!!! LOL  he would pick me up in his car and take me over to his house faithfully. Our little affair happened for quite some time..until one night i was sleep and my phone was vibrating like crazy. i’d received a  few random text messages. one that read” who the fuck is this number in my mans phone i seen this number in his call log” so i replied “you have the wrong number’ and she responded with his name and everything. Saying that they lived together and had children so i knew she wasn’t lying. She thought i was a female, and i played it off. I just don’t and won’t EVER out a man just because I’m out doesn’t mean my man has to be. However, when i tried to cut him off he became angry. He began texting me saying that he needed his fix, that he wasn’t going to stop talking to me and began acting stalkerish, then after him i began dealing with another guy, who turned out to be a drug dealer who also became very demanding. i became scared and flustered at the same damn time and i felt like the weight of everything was beginning to overwhelm me. After dealing with that and the frustrations of everything..i called my mother, she and i are very close and i share with her pretty much everything about my life..after hearing what i went thru she said baby come see me for awhile you need a break…i changed my number,relocated to stay with her for awhile as i planned my next move and etc..it was nice to get out of the city…and at first i was worried that i would never bounce back again. Upset that someone as hard working as i have was in dire need. out of boredom and curiosity, I tried the relationship thing again here. i met a guy who i told you about in that one entry who was a soldier, with two children he said wanted a relationship and that he was out with his sexuality. He’s about 5’8 with locs to his shoulders, dark skin and has the most dazzling smile. He would hold hands with me and kiss my hand when we would sit and talk. We dated for two and a half months before having sex, and i felt he was the one. I even mentioned to my mom about him, yet he eventually came forward and said that his family DIDN’T know about him and that he still wanted to see me, but i felt in regards to his actions and how he was growing even more distant, that he had someone else or that it wouldn’t go any further…so fast forward to now my little hiatus paid off..I’ve been given a salary position that starts in November  back home. I’m about to start classes again in January at my dream school and to top it off my mothers job has a special program that allows employees and/or spouses/ children of employees to attend with a 40% tuition discount allowing me to attend ..so it’s like i finally got my head on straight again…

i just wanted to THANK YOU!!!! all of your journal entries just kept me going…and the wisdom from other loyal readers of your blogsite: THE MAN ( i swear that brotha is prolific in mind and doesn’t even know it and the fact that he’s only 21 blows me away), Zen Buddha, Lindo, and etc. I just want to say to you all that NO MATTER how dark it may seem at times, LIGHT will always PREVAIL..GOD BLESS..KEEP LIVING and KEEP fighting in your pursuit of LOVE, LIFE and HAPPINESS!!!!!

MY ANSWER…

you know whats funny?
people have this idea that gay men,
especially black gay men,
are very nasty and messy,
i won’t even lie to you,
i have encountered gay men who violated.
my blog completely squashes that stereotype.
i’m so grateful i can attract the type of gays i’d be friends with.
sure we can get ratchet over here,
but we are good people.
smart people.
people who are not to be fucked with because we can and will kick yo ass.
we all mirror each other.
this blog continues to keep me going.
when i receive emails like this,
i always step back and say:

“god.
thank you for the blessing me with this blog.”

i told vain the other day that if it hadn’t been for this site,
i would have killed myself after star fox died.
you saved someone’s life.
always remember that.

malcolm.
i want to thank you for being such a loyal reader to me.
you always leave such thoughtful comments that i look forward to read.
do you realize that you have helped me also?
you have helped each one of us.
you are very intelligent and it shows in your comments.
everything moves in a 360 flow over in the foxhole.
there is no end.
the blessings move in constant flux.
more blessings are on the way for your kind and honest words.
i don’t have a lot of friends within this life.
i’m glad to know i have created a family unit here.
i can leave my real world and escape in my foxhole.
a place where i belong.

love,
jamari fox

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RDUjA0fN4o