FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari!

I recently got out of bed with a married wolf. I eventually grew tired of being second and things went left, but since then I’ve become a recluse. He brought my confidence all the way down. I don’t really go out anymore, I don’t seek relationships or friendships with anyone new, but then he showed up. My manager introduced me to a new coworker, A darker toned handsome mixed guy with a really nice body, . He seemed a bit young so I wasn’t that interested. I know I’m young too, (I’m 21 and he’s 19), but I tend to like women who are younger and men who are older. We didn’t really communicate in the first few months other than the occasional hello or goodbye until one of my coworkers pointed out something to me. He apparently got in his feelings everytime I would cut out conversations short. So I decided to just talk to him. He ended up inviting me to a party with his friends. As soon as we hit the door they started going in on him with gay jokes! He shrugged them off like he was used to them, which is a sad thing for his sexuality to be a joke but… anyway we smoked a bit and started talking. Apparently he was some kind of swimsuit model who didn’t think modeling was his aspiration in life. Took me by surprise since I didn’t think someone of his caliber, just like I thought with the married wolf, would be interested in me. For the first time in a long time someone actually took interest in me. After his buzz set in though he started to get freaky, like Hovering over me, standing with his crotch in my face while I’m sitting or he would start staring reallly hard at me. When I’d return the look he’d just smile. I ignored it, figuring I just couldn’t distinguish being comfortable with someone from someone hitting on me. We kept talking for SIX HOURS STRAIGHT! His friends retired to their bedrooms and went to sleep while we were up talking. Of course the topic came up about sex and he told me he was straight… and a virgin. I feel like I should’ve told him I was bisexual but I didn’t. He kept staring and adjusting himself while we were talking and looking at me to see if I had a reaction. I didn’t really give him one other than a couple half smiles so he calmed down a bit. His eyes were red and he was blowed at this point so I decided to go home. He offered me a place to sleep but I just called a cab and went home with some really mixed feelings, along with some concrete evidence from one of his friends that he’s bi. I don’t want someone airing out my business so I treat others the same. I feel there’s a real connection with him but I don’t want to end up left behind like before. Should I let him know how I feel and risk outing myself?

On a personal note, I really want to thank you Jamari. Your site helped me battle a lot of personal demons I didn’t even know I had until you showed them to me. Airing out some of your most personal thoughts in the hopes of touching at least one person is astounding to say the least. I hope, pray and wish you the best in everything and anything you want to accomplish.

MY ANSWER…

(before i start,
i want to thank you so much for the compliment!
i’m glad i have created a place where anyone in the life,
no matter the role,
can come on over and feel safe.
it has even helped me in my own life.
again: thank you.)

co workers are an interesting thing.
you know what i realized,
in a random sidebar?

Most animals cheat with their co workers

i mean,
i saw it happen live all the time at past jobs.
somehow,
someway,
folks decided to start fuckin while in relationships.
it never created any love stories,
but the gossip was great.

nothing is worse than meeting the “confused” good looking co worker.
since most of us are out of school,
we end up attending “the school of the working world”.
job or career,
we are all just grown ass cubs sans homerooms and lockers.
like college,
it is a place where many different animals come together to cum together.
sometimes.
the problem is when you meet someone that you like at work,
but they give you all these confusing signs that leave your ass lost in the sauce.
for the straights it’s easier because it naturally just happens.
for us…

from personal experience,
i been in my own “work” confusion.

was he?
wasn’t he?
he did this,
but what did it mean?
he touched me there,
looked at me like that,
so was it?
yadda yadda yadda
so on and so forth…

after all that,
i would say avoid it if it isn’t clear.
if he says he is straight,
but acting otherwise,
i say move on until he gets his weight up.
no one wants the “unsure with himself” wolf.
vixens or foxes.
it doesn’t even have to be about sexuality,
but that is a sign of someone who will be passive.
it’s one thing to not pick up on things,
but it’s another to be pulling in and pulling out.
i only like that in sex.

from what you fonted,
you just dealt with the drama of someone who was married.
it left you emotionally scared for a bit.
so now you want to jump into the frying pan with “a confused”?
not only that,
a confused nineteen year old with immature friends?

Nope

i say keep it moving.
look but don’t touch.
“don’t feed the animals”
your next relationship should be an upgrade from your last.
that next wolf should be:

clear with his feelings
experienced in the life
discreet and not d/l
can upgrade you mentally and emotionally

unless you want to fuck,
and a inexperienced virgin may not be a good look,
i say be friends and continue work on yourself.
you seem like you still have a ton of pain from your last.
listen…
there are times i still feel sad over my own work wolf,
but i try to remember what i went through for quick reminders.

Don’t be like me reader

i’ve come a long way from that,
but i’m still a little wounded.
so i’m saying that you can do so much better.
it’s cliche,
but it’s true.
before you get to that level,
you need to take some more time and not create a rebound situation.

…but if you say “fuck that”,
then go right ahead.
sometimes we need a hard headed lesson to teach us.
it’s up to you.

i hope this helps you in some way.
i’m sure the foxhole will leave you some great brain candy.
keep me posted!

best,
jamari fox