FOXMAIL
Hey Jamari,
first let me say that I absolutely love, love, love your site. I feel a lot of us can connect with you on different levels, but I’m in a situation and in desperate need of some advice from you and the other wolves/foxes. So I’ve been in a relationship with my wolf for 5 years, going on six. We have two cubs 12 and 1, both boys. SN:Another story…The relationship has seen more ups and downs than I can count. Numerous countless affairs and a side he jackal, all on his part. The he devil werewolf inside of me wanted to cum out and play and get revenge, well within my rights, but that’s not my style; karma is a BITCH!!!!! Anyway, as the fox in the relationship, I’ve always been giving and loyal. Even to his son from a previous relationship, the 12 yr old. I’ve always been the one to keep a roof over our heads, car, and just barely getting by in general. I’ve always been the bread winner in this relationship. We’ve been in situations where neither one of us were working, and just when we thought things were about to blow up in smoke, a better job comes along. Now he’s not had a stable job since we’ve been together, it’s been all me. Now I’ve been blessed with another job and highly compensated for it. Well recently I bought him a car, BMW. I didn’t pay much for it but it’s for him, he hasn’t had a car in 5 years. My car just broke down and it’s time for another. It just seems like he is jealous because of the money I make, the car I’m about to buy. Anything this man wants he goes out and gets. No questions asked on my part. But he tells me, that it seems like I’m calling all the shots, and it’s not what he wants, but what I want. I asked him since when does he not get what he wants!!! Is that not the most selfish statement someone can say to their lover that’s been holding him and his son down for 5 years???? I’m so angry because I’m feeling like I’m dealing with a 31 year old immature, unappreciative child. I’m 32 myself. I’m just getting to the point where I have the I don’t care attitude, and the unhappy face. And my face is very attractive. Beyond that I’m still deeply in love with him, im just at this point and I don’t want to be at this point. It seems like we have these disputes, and I’m always the one that has to bring him back to reality. I have to call him out on his bullshit, or else he would act like nothing happened, and I’m left feeling like shit. The sad thing is Jamari, he’ll want to have these pillow talks at 3 in the morning talking about ” it just seems like you’re unhappy, you don’t really smile anymore “. Like a sad puppy. I’ve chased this man for almost six years for him to see who and what I am to him. I know he sees it and realizes, but he got a funny way of showing it. Honestly, I’m at the point of OVER IT. how can we change things, I’m tired of talking. Tired of fussing and cussing…. I’m worn down. Can I just get a REAL wolf to appreciate what I do, and knows how to handle his. I’m just like you in the things I want from a wolf. Just be a grown man.
MY ANSWER…
this a good one.
never had a foxmail like this before.
before i start:
you need ^this.
thank you for the compliment as well.
so you know how my 2016 went?
that last job
work wolf
mi
other situations i dealt with
they were all about me doing the most,
chasing,
and trying to make shit work.
i was told countless times to leave/end all those situations.
i was judged for my decisions to stay,
but i felt if i held on a little tighter,
things would get better.
well my self esteem was wrecked,
my energy was off,
and i was miserable.
well as 2016 went on,
God ultimately stepped in and cleared things out.
some of it happened real fast.
it left me crying and begging.
i spent many days alone,
weekends in bed,
and just feeling depressed af.
i watched myself get thrown to the side and easily replaced.
it stung and left me questioning myself.
there is always a plan
my old boss ruined his reputation how he did me,
mi regrets how she treated me,
work wolf is back to the square one,
and other situations ended for my betterment.
i’m not 100%,
but i’m getting back to where i need to be.
reader…
it’s easy for me to tell you to leave.
in a perfect world,
you would have been gone a long time ago.
from the outside looking in,
YOU do more for him than he is doing for you.
YOU chase
YOU buy
YOU work
YOU hurt
YOU
YOU
YOU
YOU have become his emotional punching bag.
YOU are being abused and taken advantage of.
YOU are losing while he is winning.
until God has to step in,
which i feel he has at various points,
then YOU will be ready to go.
it won’t be easy.
you will miss him and the cubs terribly.
change and starting over is a scary thing.
guess what?
it has to happen.
if he decides to throw you out,
slam the door,
and change the locks,
then you will have to start over.
so you have to decide what you want to do.
grow old before you time,
dealing with an ain’t shit “wolf turned jackal”,
or take the first step and do what you need to do for you.
you can do bad all by yourself.
it’s time to start weighing the pros and cons of this relationship.
before a real wolf can come,
you need to heal from the past one.
Are you ready?
2016 is where things ended for many of us.
2017 is the year of new beginnings.
if you survived this year then consider yourself blessed.
reader,
please keep me posted!
think about YOU for once.
i’m sure the foxhole has some stuff to say as well.
best,
jamari fox
lowkey: this foxmail made me sad.
praying for em.
Wow!
I honestly stopped reading after the writer said they bought a grown ass man a luxury car, not even an old used Honda, but a BMW. Are you his Daddy?
Same old song about a savior complex where one party infantilizes the other.
He’s a grown ass man! He needs to work and support himself to some degree to validate his manhood.
I don’t care if it’s a fast food job or retail, everyone should want some means to support themselves
Being taken care of sounds good in theory, but yeah money is power and if you’re the only one bringing in money and he’s not even trying to contribute, you SHOULD call the shots if you want.
Furthermore, he has a child to support and he shouldn’t be relying on you to do that. No matter how long the relationship has been going.
The codependency is unhealthy and he obviously needs to grow on his own and so do you.
Yes! Agreed!
The relationship is dysfunctional. The writer has a unhealthy codependent relationship. He seems to like taking care of his boyfriend and the boyfriend has gotten used to being taken care of. If he really wanted to add to the household he’d get a job even if its McDonalds.
Does the writer love his boyfriend or does he love being needed?
^goooooooooooood question tony!!!!!
i nearly rolled off my bed with that one!
the foxhole is coming through.
Yes! Tony and The Man coming THROUGH!
This relationship has clearly ran its course, it is overdone, dry, and dead. There is nothing that can be done to salvage anything. It is a situation where you have to know your level of worth, and I am for certain that it is not as low what you have tolerated thus far. There are many people who tolerate mistreatment just so they can say they are in a relationship, but I rather be lonely, then to put up with a man who does not respect me. At some point you will be embarrassing yourself. Right now, I have a man who apologizes if the does not return a text after few hours or if he does not return one of my calls. I always tell him it is fine, but that shit makes me feel fuckin good and it complements my self-worth, which is why I have been with him for so long.
^well shit man!
i did not know you were in a relationship.
congrats and this advice is sound!
Smh you got him whipped. Lol
When ppl try to pull that I text them “#iaintsawry” back because I’m a asshole lol
He lost me at “numerous countless affairs.”
I understand cheating isn’t a deal breaker for everyone…. but on top of the other bullshit?
Nah bruh.
Me too LOL! I read that part and then said “ABORT”.
I wouldn’t call this “advice” because as I stated in a previous post, this is not my area of expertise, but just my thoughts, but judging from what I read, I still think you care a lot about this guy, and Idk, 5-6 years is quite the commitment so I would make the investment of time to really just air it all out, let him know what you’re doing for him, what you’re sacrificing for him and his kids, and make it CRYSTAL CLEAR how he should be treating you and respecting you considering what you have already done for him and are STILL DOING. If he doesn’t change, it also needs to be clear that you’re walking. Change/improve/fix it or I’m walking. No more excuses, it’s been five going on six years ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
1. He needs full time employment IMMEDIATELY. He’s a grown ass man with a cub. Unless he’s studying in university, there’s no excuse to not at least be LOOKING for some sort of full time situation. He has a child. NO excuses! Get it TOGETHER! I just REALLY hope he’s at least LOOKING!
2. Don’t reward him without him earning it. A car seems a bit extreme from a boyfriend to me, despite how long you have been together, despite how much money you make. I know he may have needed it, but he’s a grown man, I hope he paid half and is covering insurance (if he has it) and gas etc, if not, I think that was a bit “too involved” or “too generous” imho.
Don’t fight anymore. Just let him know what the deal-breakers are, and if they can’t be reconciled, it’s time to walk, because it’s not getting any better. (and if you do, take your car back, I know you might think it’s cruel, but he doesn’t get a CAR without earning one, whether it be with HIS money or YOUR love or being a BOMB ASS boyfriend to you and providing a loving relationship, if he can’t do either, TAKE YOUR CAR BACK!)
Just my thoughts.
^110%
The only thing I would add is that you need to make sure ALL legalities, titles, and lease/mortgage paperwork are in YOUR name. Because of marriage equality laws, jackals are pulling vixen moves when relationships end. I know several wolves that had to come up off some serious dockets when they broke up with longterm vixens.
Your wolf/jackal sounds like the type to hurt you as much as he can when he realizes the gravy train is coming to an end.
And don’t forget the cubs in this relationship. The custody of the 12-year-old will automatically go to him as the bio-father. The 1-year-old cub is going to the the battle depending who the bio-father is.
These 21st century wolf/jackals are banking the inherent insecurities that come from being a fox of color. We foxes tend to fall into the “a piece of wolf is better than no wolf at all” category, and the wolf/jackals know it. Ask yourself what you would tell a vixen in the same situation, and you will solve your own dilemma.
Asé my brother. GOD Bless😌