f0xmail: I’m in Love with an Attentionisto. HALP!



Thanks for the amazing job and advice that you have on your blog. I’m certain that I speak for the Foxhole, we love you and the best is yet to come.

Since being in the A (Atlanta for those who don’t know), I have had my share of hood wolves, pretty boy hybrids, and confused jackals.

I’m now feenin’ (not in love) with a moderately known model/attentisto who is always on Instagram and Snapchat. We are in the same age range (26-30) but his immaturity and use of social media is annoying. He looks like a younger version of a foxhole favorite of Oshea Russell but he is annoying because I know he is hoeing around with vixens and snow bunnies in a small college town.

Even when I discussed the nature and potential growth of our relationship, he said he prefers text than calls, he does not call or text me during the day or evening and have to follow him on Snapchat to know what is going on.

The time that we have known each other is about a month and always give new relationships a couple of months to flush out the residual relationships (wolves, foxes, vixens, and snow bunnies).

Since he has just finished school, he tells me he wants to move to Atlanta but I think he is a hobosexual (Someone who couch surfs and pretends like they love you and let you suck and fuck you occasionally ). I sense that from him but he also has a criminal record, constantly with vixens saying that they are friends and to build his brand, and I don’t think he has a job.

Jamari: Do I wait it out or move on to someone who will appreciate me and fuck me like crazy? There are a ton of IG wolves especially here in the South and this wolf/hybrid is pushing 30 so you think he would be more chill or less attentisto.

I don’t want to be his come up with my money and connection ( Like Mama Pope said on the season finale of Scandal…We build these black men up so they can go to basic bitches)

I’m really at a crossroads of being single or just fucking with no strings attached with wolves because I don’t want the pain.

I have been listening to the remix of Khalid’s Location and I think about him as related to that (Damn!)

Need your help!


thank you for the compliment reader!

let’s get into it,
shall we?

sometimes we know the answer,
but we don’t want to admit it.
the fear of looking “stupid” is real in these forests.
we need a friend to give us the real.
the truth can hurt,
but it’s often times needed.

i remember when i was in the midst of storm with work wolf.
i made a ton of excuses to justify why i wanted him in my life.
it got to the point that i blamed myself for things,
or questioned who i was,
even though he was to blame as well.
i can say that he almost made me crazy.
i’m almost embarrassed to think about what i put up with.
i cringe when i was “okay” with being disrespected.
all because i wanted this wolf.
this one wolf who i thought was the world,
when i actuality,
i was the one who needed to be fought for.


Do you really need the answer to this question?

it’s pretty obvious.
this attentionisto is a loser at life and how he treats you.
he is at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to attentionistos.
there are some with at least better game than his.
he already has you at his beck and call.
you are reduced to getting on snapchat to see what he is doing.
i’m almost certain he isn’t attracted to you the way you are him.
attentionistos simply feed off attention from any source.

social media
those in his real life
a barbell in the gym

whatever the mirror is saying back to them

it is a lose-lose situation if you aren’t strong enough for him.
it takes a certain skill to have them wrapped around your finger.
it has to start off that way.
if not,
you’ll be writing an email to a question you already know the answer to.

don’t be desperate.
don’t become a hoe either.
every time foxes gets hurt,
we want to go blaze a trail of revenge fuckin’.
our foxtails end up rebelling against us for it later on. i can’t tell you what to do,
but that attentionisto would and should be cancelled.
on lighter news:

HOBOSEXUAL (n): someone who couch surfs and pretends like they love you; let you suck and fuck you occasionally

that will be added to the foxtionary.
that is brilliant.
i hope this helped in some way tho.
the foxhole may have something to say as well!


lowkey: reader,
you spoke so bad about him in the foxmail,
but you still want him in your life.
why is this?

16 thoughts on “f0xmail: I’m in Love with an Attentionisto. HALP!

  1. “but I think he is a hobosexual (Someone who couch surfs and pretends like they love you and let you suck and fuck you occasionally ). I sense that from him but he also has a criminal record, constantly with vixens saying that they are friends and to build his brand, and I don’t think he has a job.”

    Chile I think I’ve read enough *closes casket*

  2. I found an issue before I even finished the first paragraph. If you are aware of him messing with women at a nearby college, then you should not be with him, period. Aside from all of that, he does not seem to want to talk to you throughout the day, and you have to check his social media for updates pertaining to his life. I have not read nothing positive about this man other than him completing college. Why are you with him? Where is the potential? People have to quit getting caught up in looks all the time.

    S/N: When I read that he resembles O’Shea, I had flashbacks. You know how much I like him. He was just broke lol.

  3. Everyone, has left great comments. What I have to say is that I feel like a lot of us foxes put these (straight) men on a pedestal and worship them in a way. We diminish our on light, and put all our energy into them. We look at them and say oh he is good looking, masculine, has big muscles, and we go crazy for them once they start giving us a tiny weeny amount of attention. Yes there is nothing wrong with wanting a man that is good looking, has muscles, and is masculine because I do love those things in a man, but we also can’t be fools for them. I have fallen victim to it a few times, and have written some foxmails myself to Jamari about it. Concrete Fox, your better than sticking with this wolf. Like FashionandSvedka said your in Atlanta the gay black Mecca, there are plenty of men there that will love to treat you like you should be treated. I know sometimes we can get so caught up in a man and get so wrapped up in him that we think there is no one else for us. I don’t know if your out, discrete, or dl, but if your out go to a gay club, bar, or some gay events and I’m sure you could meet someone. Also, I think you wrote about there is a possibility about him blowing up, you can’t go on that to stay being with him. If I was you I would NOT text or call him for a week. If he doesn’t respond block his numberabd move on, if he does respond saying he misses you and all that, then lay down rules and see where he is with you, and if you want the dick just get it but don’t get attached to him. Hope this helps you.

  4. I wish it could be different for you but life says you can’t change a hoe and you can’t make someone love you. You have to love yourself more than to settle for just having somebody. Those words hold true no matter how much you want them to not be true. Your love will come. I’ve lived and learned for 56yrs…each day I’m still learning. I met my partner at 35 and we’ve been together for 20 yrs now.

  5. Everyone is right :)….But should I stay for a quick minute to be foxwhore and get some good pipe and then kick him out πŸ™‚

  6. To the foxholder that wrote the letter I’m sorry you’re going through this with this pineapple. I gotta say I agree with Jamari and Fashionandsvedka on two points. 1.) you do know the answer to your problem is to drop this guy, you haven’t named any redeeming quality about this dude, it’s only been a month and there are so many red flags. Just imagine if you stay with this dude for like the next year the kind of pain you’re typing to go thru.

    Second point like fashionandsvedka said above is your attraction to this guy’s physical distorting what you usually put up with. I’ve said it before on here good looking pineapples know they’re attractive and feed off that attention using it to their advantage .

    You want something real and deep and this guy is too busy trying to get insta famous.

    1. ^such a great comment mikey!

      there was no redeeming qualities in the entire foxhole.
      well besides he possibly looks good.
      it sounds like it’s going to be a wash.

  7. Jamari and readers: I think I am willing to give him a chance because he is at the low end of the attenistos nationally at least. I find myself scrolling through his IG and Snapchat for what I already know the answer to.

    It is like I told my friend that I am cautious of starting a new relationship and sometime the simplicity of the fuckery makes it easier to tolerate.

    The ones I want (either in Atlanta or IG) seem untouchable and unattainable at times. I guess I am really in my feelings now that I am pushing 30.

    1. I’m assuming you are the beautiful fox that asked for Jamari for advice on the situation. Read my comment above and answer the question I asked.

      You should have a wolf that focuses on you as much as you do him. If this is not the case, then it’s a one sided. Its like that Marvin Gaye song, “I want you. But I want you to want me too.”

      Accept reality no matter how tough it is and press on because it will be more painful to go on with a lie because you may be too afraid to live on your own. You may be blocking what’s for you down the line because you want this crappy guy now.

  8. Homosexual is brilliant. Shoutout to the guy who thought that up. Who knew there were levels to f**kboysisms.

  9. Thank God I didn’t make my coffee when I read that hobosexual bit. I would have spit it out. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    We are not getting any younger. Its safe to say that ya 20’s are when you skin out and have fun, but ya real life shit should be in order by the time you reach 30. There is no rhyme or reason for everyone to be on that level because we all are different. If he was on a maturity level (having his shit in order), it would be a green light.

    If he was average or unfortunate looking, would you even entertain a relationship with him? The goal is to get someone that is on or close to your level in every way. And you are in the Atlanta! The mecca of black gay success. Filter out the wolves who stunt and seek out a man who is gonna be down for ya cause. He is out there.

    1. ^i really liked what you said about it he was average,
      and acted this way,
      would you even entertain this?
      that is a good question to ask when faced with a dilemma when it comes to someone good lookin who is treating you bad.

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