my foxy senses are intense these days.
more intense than normal.
i seem to pick up people’s energy really quickly nowadays.
lately at work,
i’ve been feeling like an outcast at the “cool table” at work.
that shouldn’t bother me because i’ve always been an outcast.
with some of the straight wolves at my job,
i can feel the distance from them.
even with some males and foxholers i converse with online.
it’s a weird season for me.
as i was coming home on the train today,
i had some really intense energy about mi.
in my head,
i got these random thoughts that she had died or something…

i was picturing her aunt telling me.
honestly,
it made me feel really emotional.
i don’t know where these thoughts were coming from,
but as soon as i got to a station with service,
my phone started ringing.

The same aunt I was calling me.

freaked the entire fuck out.

“hey jamari…”

“what’s going on?”

*waiting for it*

“mi’s other aunt passed away today.”

this is the aunt who kept me updated with mi.
she had cancer,
but she told me it was in remission.
 it came back.
after all the shenanigans with mi,
she cut her off.

we weren’t close like that,
but i still felt depressed after i hung up.
she was closer with mi tho.
she has bailed mi out,
had her cop friends keeping an eye on her,
and tried to get mi into school.
of course,
mi is devastated.

Who wants to know someone has died before they could resolve their issues?

the aunt who called me told me mi was gonna spend the night.
i’m not ready to speak to me yet,
but i’m sending her my prayers that she can get through it.