Dear Old Jamari…

i saw something on daily post the other day.
it was:

write a letter to your 14-year-old self.

well, i decided to take on the challenge.

dear jamari.

you good?
i hope you are good.
you are about to go to high school.
it’s going to be an okay experience.
you will try to fit in with the cool kids.
you will soon learn all of them will be fat with two (or more) kids to their names.
that football player you are about to have crush on.
you know, the one you made you feel all tingly inside when he took his shirt off in gym class?
huge weed head and will never touch a football outside of high school.

but, i am writing to tell you that life is about to get real interesting soon.
in a couple of years actually.
trying to figure out what college you may go to,
what do you need to do to fit in,
or if that vixen thinks you are cute is not about to be your biggest challenge.
oh no.
you are about to lose your “rocks”.
the “two people” who protect you and try to guide you.
you aren’t listening because you think you are right.
you are trying to be a rebellious teenager to prove your popularity,
but that will all come to an end when you are sitting in a dark room with no one to trust.
the electricity will be off in that same house and you will be homeless.

oh, things are going to get real interesting.

none of the “teenage dream” trivial stuff is going to mean anything.
what’s going to be important is how will your survive in a few years.
how will you avoid all the “bad people” who screw you over.
all the tests you will have to past to prove you are capable of surviving.
you thought they would live forever.
or, you would be spoiled forever.

i would tell you to start to learn now.
but, your heart maybe hardened by the time you get to this point.
you need the conflict to start the training.
the bullies who pick on you to allow you to stand up for yourself.
they may seem frustrating now,
but you will be thankful for it as things get interesting.

so, say “i love you” everyday to the “two people” who mean the most.
they’re going to be gone soon.
bye bye.

oh, and you can stop that low key homophobia within yourself.
that battle in your mind about men.
the tingly feeling you feel when you see muscles, a nice fat ass, and a mushroom cut dick.
vixens are cool, but you won’t try to touch another past high school.
by the time you turn 25,
you will have a couple dicks inside you.
it’s going to feel good.
real good.
but, those niggas will be triflin’ as all hell.

…. and this is how your blog will be born.

so stay up.
things are about to get real interesting.

love ya,

9 thoughts on “Dear Old Jamari…

  1. I was reading it waiting for the cliche ‘… but you will get through it just fine’ or ‘the life you want will become a reality and your dreams will come true’ but I realized… well… we just aren’t there yet. But I noticed you described those instances as ‘interesting’ which, to me, is sort of ambiguous. I would imagine the wording was intentional however.

    1. ^ya know,
      i didn’t want to write something that was this bubbly feel good romantic comedy type of letter.
      i wanted it to be interrupted as a cautionary tale.
      something i wish i did get as a blind letter growing up.
      i’m blessed to have survived all the things i have gone though,
      and i would not take away the lessons i have learned,
      but i am not happy…. yet.
      i don’t know what it will take for me to be happy,
      but realistically, i’m not happy…. yet.

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