many creatives and talent live a regula degula life before things pop

read ^that as many times as you can.
i know i will.
as a creative,
i totally get hating to work a real job while working on your real dreams.
dealing with the day-to-day grind while dodging idiot bosses can be a downer.

You’ll be surprised how many actors and actresses have to do it while in-between blessings.

from the last entry,
eric d hill is an acting wolf but was living a regula degula life.
i’ve met so many in the industry who work regula gigs to make ends meet in-between.
when the acting or singing work isn’t pulling big money like the bigger names,
you will be working a regula gig until shit pops.
no cap,
but i knew one of the actresses that act(ed?) on that show,
manifest.

how?…

Continue reading “many creatives and talent live a regula degula life before things pop”

sometimes, you just gotta turn yourself “off”…

I walked out from my bedroom into my living room and the writing was on the wall.
no seriously,
Mi had taken a permanent marker and written nasty messages all over my walls.
How she got into my apartment was a mystery to me.
I know she gave back all her keys to me,
but did she make a spare?

I felt extremely horny for him.
I haven’t thought about him in quite a while.
Ever since he left me alone to tend to his relationship,
I decided it was best for me to move on.
For whatever reason,
the thought of him woke me up outta my sleep.
I felt this strong sexual energy take over me that I could not ignore.
At 430am,
I’m jacking myself off stupid with thoughts of him inside me.

i did not sleep last night.
i was having nightmares and filled with anxiety.
before i went to bed,
i was reading arguments about the jab from both sides.
i was wrapped up in natural happiness i never felt before a few weeks ago.
i had to wake up early to call unemployment today,
but of course,
i got the runaround and drop from them.
today,
foxhole… Continue reading “sometimes, you just gotta turn yourself “off”…”

we forget life is short and our regrets will come full circle (soon)

life has a way of humbling us.
we don’t realize it until all the pieces come together.

Some of us are currently setting up the play for a future humbling.

mi has no more allies.
everyone who had her back has either died or distanced themselves.
her cousin was a good person tbh.
her death really fucked up many people.
they had to close down her job for the day just to mourn.
i found out yesterday…

Continue reading “we forget life is short and our regrets will come full circle (soon)”

learn to put the people who left your life on do not disturb too

it looks like they’re having fun without you.
you’ve called and texted to no answer.
please stop.
you creep on their social media and it’s “the life of the party“.
they’re up in everyone else’s social media but yours.
it makes you feel a certain way and you can be honest about that.

I want The Foxhole to never apologize for feeling human.

so you spend your days wondering what you did.
did you insult them?
did someone say something to them that turned them off from you?
why are you getting the cold shoulder with no context?
it sucks because i’ve been there.
i was telling my therapist about a similar situation and he hit me with a quote that shook me…

Continue reading “learn to put the people who left your life on do not disturb too”

you can’t sit at my table because you aren’t as good as me

the popular table.
it’s filled with the fine and the (mildy) fascinating.
they take pride in being “the cool kids” while looking down from their high horses.
they cast shame on those who “can’t sit with us“.
nothing has really changed since high school.
you dare want to sit at this table?
well you gotta have one (if not more) of these things:

Clout
Good looks
Fly style
Money
Not be Opps
Social media following

when one of the leaders of this table deems you as worthy,
only then will you be let into their realm.
you’ll join the group chat and hear all the gossip,
along with all their bts fucked up issues.
as someone who has sat at popular tables and hung with cool kids,
i’m here to font..

Continue reading “you can’t sit at my table because you aren’t as good as me”

sad music don’t hit when you over that pineapple

last year,
i was so sad over this one wolf.
so much shit was going between him and i.
i felt like i was going crazy tbh.
some people can have a powerful energy that draws you to them.
you can both be drawn to each other,
but if it one is fighting their attraction to you,
it can lead to a lot of emotional warfare.
so all last year,
i was listening to heartbreak songs and albums.
fuckin’ driver’s license from olivia rodrigo

the chorus of this song made me feel like she was singing my feelings out loud.
i use to keep this part on repeat real heavy too:

Red lights, stop signs
I still see your face in the white cars, front yards
Can’t drive past the places we used to go to
‘Cause I still fuckin’ love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
Sidewalks we crossed
I still hear your voice in the traffic, we’re laughing
Over all the noise
God, I’m so blue, know we’re through
But I still fuckin’ love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)

anything that expressed my sadness was all i wanted to listen to.
today,
i was listening to toni braxton’s album “speak” for the first time.
it was more of a heartbreak album but i found it to be so boring.
i realized something…

Continue reading “sad music don’t hit when you over that pineapple”