i hate when people who don’t want kids are continuously asked why they don’t want kids,
like certain childless celebs or people who get continuously asked by their parents or relatives.

BECAUSE THEY MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE THEM OR DON’T WANT THEM.

not everyone’s desire is to be a parent.
better yet,
some people can’t have kids because their bawdies won’t allow them to.
that can be very insulting and nasty especially from parents.

“when you gonna get me some grand babies?”,
like,
you weren’t even a good parent to me so why would i leave my child with you,
ya insufferable bitch.

Foxhole,
don’t go sayin’ that to your mother cause she may slap you.
i was thinking to myself yesterday:

“at no point in my life have i ever wanted to be a dad.”

i have never felt the urgency for fatherhood.
i see cute kids all the time,
and many of my friends have adorable kids but…

first of all,
i love “industry” on HBO MAX.
i randomly started watching it when it was heading into the 3rd season.
binged it in like 2 days or so.
its got the sex,
drugs,
and “something to nothing” shit i love.
highly recommend even though when they start talking finance and stock shit,
i am always left feeling confused.

last night,
they came back for their 4th season.

Foxhole:

IT WAS GOOD.

i needed that energy especially after what i’m dealing with.
there is a scene that i’m still thinking about.
this is kinda spoiler but not really.
it doesn’t give away a plot point but…

i woke up with this on my spirit today.
something urged me to font because someone needed to read it.
maybe it was for me; maybe it’s for you.
this was the download:

“you don’t know”

because tbh…

The Foxhole knows when i’m going through something,
my spirit picks an album for me to process.

i was never a broadway kind of fox.
that was karaoke’s thing.
she is a full blown theater vixen,
who has found her way into acting in plays.
well,
i’m here to font you….

you ever peeped those people who were doing nothing and looked like they were going nowhere?
they were stagnant and literally spent their days on the couch or playing video games.
suddenly,
a shift happened,
and that “stagnant” life is in the rear view mirror.

i think some people end up thriving after being stagnant tbh.
i was always taught that if i wasn’t doing something,
if i wasn’t moving like everyone else,
that i was a failure at life.
i see it with a lot of people tbh.

if they aren’t on,
they feel off.

…but i’ve learned a lesson time and time again,
especially right now in my life…

fonting of whitney,
her voice really comforts me.

before the sun was up this morning,
i got an update about something that defeated me.
this is where panic and anxiety usually comes from for me lately.
as of recent,
i’ve been listening to ariana’s “eternal sunshine: brighter days ahead”.
it’s one of those albums i found much needed comfort in.
this morning tho:

something told me to listen to “the preacher’s wife” soundtrack

sidebar: you wanna know something wild?
i have NEVER watched that movie and i don’t know why.

it was like a ding in my spirit.
i discovered that album really late but ironically enough,
back in 2003,
i would play “step by step” on repeat during difficult times.

i remember one day,
playing it on repeat,
as i laid on the floor and giving all my troubles to God.

so this morning,
i put the album on when i went to the store.
as the songs played,
i felt a peace that i haven’t felt in a long time.
when i got back in,
i was putting the groceries up and this song played:

“the Lord is my shepherd” by cissy houston with hezekiah walker & the love fellowship crusade choir

now i’ve heard this song many times,
but passively listened to the lyrics.
it didn’t stand out to me like “i love the Lord” or “hold on, help is on the way“.
these lyrics stood out to me like no other…