when you share a deep and profound connection with someone,
it’s like your souls are intertwined forever.
you feel each other even when you’re miles apart or not speaking anymore.
when you think of someone and they reach out to you out the blue,
they were on the same spiritual wave as you.
even when someone randomly crosses your mind and you get stupid horny.
they were thinking of you sexually,
or thinking of you while they were having sex with someone else.
they call that remote seduction.

I believe that’s called a soul tie.

even when they’re no longer with us in the physical realm,
the connection remains,
although in a different form.

amidst all the chaos in my life,
i’ve been grappling with a deep and unexplained sadness.
sure,
it’s partly due to feeling overwhelmed and just done with it all,
but there was something more that i couldn’t explain.

And then it hit me like a ton of breaks…

Are they really sad because he isn’t his past self,
or because he switched it up to fit society’s standards?

when i saw that tweet,
i remembered a past situation.
during one of my most intense struggles in my timeline,
i was dragged to a community center known for being a safe space for gay youth.
as someone who didn’t feel comfortable being gay yet,
the experience was a bit too deep for my then-fragile comfort zone.

It was there that I first noticed him...

I couldn’t help but wonder,
has our value as humans become tied with our ability to perform?

picture this…

“The worst they can do is tell you no.” – Karaoke said to me the other day

the word “no” is scary.
we think we are good enough and end up getting rejected.
we end up being scorned and don’t want to try for anything anymore.
karaoke and i were talking about approaching things boldly and asking for what we want.
i use to be so scared of rejection because of my past trauma due to rejection.
it all came from a fear of being judged and wanting to control things tbh.
so i’d wait for someone to say “yes” while wasting my time deciphering signs and games.
i’ve learned the hard way that:

“Mixed signals or hesitation means no.”

i was watching something with law roach the other day.
he is the vision behind many of zenadaya’s looks.
law is dope and i fux with him so far.
during this podcast discussion with “the cutting room floor”,
he spoke about all the big brands who told him “no” for zendaya to wear their clothes.
this is what he said that gave me my oprah “a-ha” moment…

some people love to promote they turn to sex work because its “empowering“.
the reality for many others is:

They heard its a quick way to make money but they get way over their heads and drown by the pressure of their internal conflicts.

OF sex working wolf,
mr exotic,
decided to pour his heart out on twitter.
i refuse to call that x btw.
while all the gays in his comments have their kneepads on with open mouths of comfort,
this is what i observed about the video…

It is the little things God provides for me.

yesterday,
i decided to host a pity party.
it was raining,
i was tired AF,
one of the Foxholers shared something with me that made me really sad,
and i was emotionally not in the best place.
sometimes,
it’s not a great day for a pity party.
we can’t always be together and posting spiritual captions on our IG.
sometimes,
shit just sucks.
i sent this text to one of my sisters from another:

yes,
i had on adele.
i was already hitting the gas to 100 for maximum depression.
i was happy that i wasn’t the only one throwing a pity party tbh.
so as i was celebrating my pity on my couch,
something told me to check my phone.
when i looked,
i saw that i had a tweet that said…