Have you ever noticed how we try to find flowers in the trash?

last night,
i caught up with a friend who are is in the middle of separation/divorce.
sadly,
she has latched onto a rebound.

A jackal that she knows is a complete disaster.

at 37,
with two kids,
weight gain from stress,
and insecurities eating away at her…

i usually keep it lowkey but today?
i’m claiming my happiness.
for years,
i felt like an outsider looking in,
surrounded by my straight peers/associates,
always questioning where i stood.
picking up pom poms to cheer many of them on but when it came to me,
i barely got the same energy that i needed.
i won’t lie but it always hurt my feelings because it made me feel used.
i’ve come to learn…

I couldn’t help but wonder…
When did we start believing that real males don’t cry?

as boys,
we’re taught to bottle things up,
to hide those pesky emotions because,
apparently,
vulnerability doesn’t fit the masculine mold.
if being “a real male” means being brave:

What if the most “masculine” thing a man can do is shed a tear?

we’ve all been there,
standing at the edge of our emotions,
afraid to let them flow.
i’m here to font to you…

There are days when you can’t help but feel like the devil is testing you.
Today was one of those days.

picture this:
i’m all dressed up,
ready for a paid online movie screening i’ve been excited about all week.
i did an NDA for it and everything’s set except,
apparently,
the invite….

Have you ever noticed how we dumb ourselves down to make others feel relatable?

yesterday,
i stepped out to run some errands.
there’s this older woman in my building i always bump into.
you know the type:

Pleasant
Chatty
Nosy

i’m always on guard with those types.
those types have always been two-faced.
so when she asked me the classic:

“How are ya doing baby?”

i responded like this and caught myself…

I love how ratchet we get and then talk about God.
I love how unhinged we are on here.

so last night,
something so wild happened that i had to share it with The Foxhole.
picture this: i’m sprawled out on my couch,
mid-binge of queen sugar.
i left hanging somewhere in the chaos of the rona.
i figured why not start from the beginning and get lost in that drama again?

Sidebar: something urged me to watch it again.

…but as the first episode rolled on,
my mind wandered back to some therapy revelations from earlier that day.
i was thinking about seeking acceptance and the trauma from my youth.
just when i was deep in my thoughts,
someone i’m cool with hit me up in DMs randomly.
we don’t really talk like that but we respect each other heavy.
he knew Star Fox as well.
so this person went MIA for what felt like forever and randomly hits me up out of the blue last night.
Foxhole…