Atlanta: The Land of The Single and Smashed Out?

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i always wondered if atlanta is this “black gay mecca”,
why is there more “fucking” than “dating”?
either way,
i detected no lies with that statement.

…did you?

lowkey: sooooooooo…
relocating and setting up a foxhole there ain’t the move?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

39 thoughts on “Atlanta: The Land of The Single and Smashed Out?

  1. I’ve never actually been to Atlanta but I understand that it is the most prominent place for gay black men to be gay freely but that normally means that the promiscuity is out in full effect so it’s no surprise to me that when you have a lot of options(cause when I look up men from Atlanta a lot of them are fine as fuck) you will try to go for the best one I.e. the fine as fuck Ig model who is coveted and “famous”. Or at least I could see me and people I know doing that

    1. ^its natural to want something fine.
      you shouldn’t apologize for that.
      look at angelina jolie.
      who woulda thought she woulda got brad pitt in the future?

      ok

      i’m sure they attended events and didn’t realize their paths would soon cross.

      1. For me it’s the other way around I feel like Angie is the real prize (tho I hate what happened to Jen I like her too) and Brad is just there for the ride as arm candy.

      2. Then again Jamari, Angelina snatched him while he was in a relationship. The same way she snatched Billie Bob Thorton..

  2. I think it’s the same everywhere. Big town or small. Im from a relatively small city in North Carolina. I recently visited my cousin in Washington, DC. We went to a gay club. It was refreshing for me to see openly gay men of all types, masculine, feminine, and everything in between. I thought he was so lucky to live in the city. However, when he told me about all the bullshit he has been through, I realized that we are all pretty much in the same boat no matter where we live. We are all waiting for the guy from our dreams and fantasies to come and wisk us away. Everyone is looking for perfection or waiting on their “type.”I am guilty of this to some extent myself. It just seems that the gay community, especially the black gay community, are just perpetual daters/fuck buddies not potential partners.

    1. ^this is why i tell everyone new yawk is no walk in the park.
      there are so many fuck-jackals out in these boroughs.
      i felt the same way when i went to visit homies in dc.
      i went to this club and was like DAMN!
      asking myself why they single?

      different forest; same bullshit

      many of us are single because we can now smell the bullshit.

      1. Tell it like it is, J!! Everyone is about games, and frontin’ like they Big Williw….when in truth they probbly don’t have a pot to piss in and baby mamas up the ass.

  3. On a semi-related note, I wanted to know what does Atlanta do for us, it is the only place true black Mecca is allowed to exist and black gay Mecca at that but what has this place done for us as a people, has it helped black people build more economic power, has it helped black gay men and some of the struggles they face? Cause I’m not from there and I’m on the outside looking in but it just seems like the place for hedonism, excess, and entertainment. I’m not saying Atlanta is responsible for all black people and all black Gay people but I am saying it seems like there is more that they should be doing since Atlanta Is where a good portion of our 1 trillion dollar buying power comes from. The only reason I bring this up is because I was born in a mostly white area and face racism and no institutional power and long to move to a black metropolis to do better for myself and my people all over but it seems like that’s not the way it goes over there? If anyone feels like reading all of this, I don’t mean to offend anyone and please feel free to correct my ignorance.

    1. “Cause Iā€™m not from there and Iā€™m on the outside looking in but it just seems like the place for hedonism, excess, and entertainment.”

      i see you came to fuck shit up this morning.
      okay.
      i’ll take a seat.

  4. Atlanta is full of dudes fronting. You are most likely to find dudes riding around in the latest cars that have been leased, living in houses with bunches of roommates and sleeping on air mattresses.

    Yes, there are openly gay men waltzing around every turn, but most of them are looking to get fucked good or to get some kind of come up.

    1. ^and see that’s the impression i get.
      i also get this impression of people trying to recreate “rhoa”.

      atlanta just seems like a place to go get dick down by someone fine.
      someone said to me that the energy down there is very sexual.

  5. *breathes sigh of relief* ok thank you so much Jamari for clarifying, I’m always quick to apologize when I might say something a little controversial, cause I’ve been dragged before and it’s not fun, I just really like constructive conversation and discourse.

      1. Thanks for this, and thank you for this space, I truly enjoy being on here and reading all that goes on, this is a great site and I appreciate getting to give my two cents. I am very grateful.

    1. We all disagree from time to time on here man, as long as the lines of respect are not crossed. Do not be afraid to speak your mind tho.

    2. I can relate to how you’re feeling Delonnie. I like constructive conversation, and debate as well. The minute people start mud-slinging, I’m out. I can do that too, but I’m not here for that, and I believe we’re much smarter than that. Don’t be afraid to share your point of view. Even if it’s a little controversial, sometimes you learn from asking or stating your opinion, and sometimes you help people. šŸ™‚

  6. I prefer not to stereotype and prejudge, but from the stories I have heard, I could not imagine my life in Atlanta. It sounds like it is not the place for a person like me. It seems as if everyone is hyper-sexual and no one wants anything serious, not to mention how reckless people are down there. No thank you.

  7. Hi Jamari. You are stereotyping. I live in Atlanta and have been in a committed relationship for 8+ years. I can admit there are scammers everywhere looking for a come up, but it’s all about the company you keep.

    NY and Miami invented credit card scams. LA Blacks only date exoticals. All personal trainers are secretly escorts. All Black men that date white women are either DL or hate Black women because they secretly hate their Black selves. New Orleans men are all trade. All gay men from DC have HIV.

    See what I’m doing? Stereotyping. Not cute.

    1. ^lurker I get what you are saying,
      but that tweet is the gist of many of the rumors I hear about atl.
      just like new yawk,
      miami,
      houston,
      and cali have their own set of rumors.
      we also like to pick and choose what we believe.
      we are all guilty of that.

      also you were lucky to find yourself in an 8 year relationship.
      congrats and many kudos.
      the blessing that has happened to you is not everyone’s story.

      i hope that makes sense?

    2. Very true comment Lurker,

      Being here for majority of my life it really depends on the kind of person you are and the types of people you hang with. Just like you said with any city there are highs and low I think that maybe Atlanta is getting more of the negatively is from what people see of these reality shows based here and the rumors they hear.

      I don’t live in Atlanta per say but in a near by area that’s like 20mins away so I get to experience the city when I want to and when I don’t, I don’t have to.

      1. Exactly. Reality TV has definitely negatively affected people’s perception of Atlanta. As a native…I’ll tell you all that it is NOT real. Seriously. Don’t believe the hype. You will be disappointed.

        There is LOTS of opportunity here. Unlike any other city, but be prepared to WORK hard. There are not handouts. Whether it’s in a relationship, career, etc.

        Don’t be the transplant who comes here thinking things are gonna be easy. You will fail. Then you become bitter. Then you blame the city for your failures.

        Playtime IS fun here. But WORK hard first…so you can reap the rewards of playtime later. Not vice versa. Too many people come with the wrong mindset, and they end up LOSING.

        Don’t blame the city. Or the people. Blame yourself.

    3. I find it interesting how people always want to include themselves as if they makeup the majority. For example: African Americans are more likely to be lactose intolerant. And then someone be like “I’m not lactose intolerant, so you’re just stereotyping.” meanwhile 50,000 African Americans are having diarrhea from drinking milk.

      Just because you are not part of the category, it doesn’t make it untrue.

      Yea those things you mention are stereotyping but they have a little truth in them because in New York you do have be careful with credit card scams because now scammers are using a device where they can steal your information without taking your card.

      It’s a fact that LA black men, especially the wealthy one, tend to date exotic and white vixens.

      Majority of Instagram “personal trainers” do secretly escort because personal training doesn’t pay that well. Plus most of these “trainers” on Instagram are not certified, so yea, most likely these people are running an escort business.

      The vast majority of black men do hate black women especially if they are dark-skin. A dating site had done some research where they found that black men prefer to date white o Hispanic women over black women while black women prefer to date black men over other races.

      And CDC announced that DC is one of the places that has highest HIV rate.

      See what I’m doing? Making you understand.

      1. Hey, Lindo. I agree with most of what you are saying but you lost me with this line…”The vast majority of black men do hate black women especially if they are dark-skin.”

      2. The vast majority of black men hate black women yet the vast majority of black men are with black women… How does that add up?
        If Black men hate black women so much then who is wife-ing and having children with these all black women? Because it surely can’t all be non-black men.

        The internet isn’t real life.. Half of the black men on the internet that insult black women actually are the ones who chase after black women in real life. You’d not believe how many times I’ve come across men online who’ve claimed that they’re not into black men on their profiles yet they were so quick to message me to hook up.

        Most black women are with black men.

        1. ^this is an interesting comment.
          black men seem to be more honest in real life.
          they front about being color struck online.
          most live their fantasies online.

  8. Waaay back I thought about moving to ATL since my grandfather is from Columbus plus I’m gay. However, I was told not to believe the hyped about Atlanta because I was told not a lot of black folks are rich, most of them rent shit, the gay lifestyle is not all that. An ex-friend of mine told me all they do in ATL is fuck and more fucking plus the only outed guys are fem queens who parade around in high-heels and wear women clothing while the vast majority of gay men are still in the closet in ATL.

  9. My opinion is by no means a scientific researched study and may not hold much weight, but I am only telling you what I know, seen or have experienced. As someone who has visited ATL on a couple of occasions, have friends who visit all time time, in fact while reading this post, I checked my IG and have a couple of friends there at this very minute. I can tell you that many of the negative rumors about ATL are without a doubt truth. I can literally go back 20 years seeing how Atlanta has evolved with the black gay scene. I have had friends relocate there only to come back in a pine box. I have known couples who had tight bonds only to have them broken after moving there. Truthfully Atlanta is just like any other city with regards to black gays but it is magnified to the 10th power there because it is so many black gay dudes who inhabit its space. If you a fan of history like I am, read about white gay San Francisco in the 70’s and you will get the same type of vibe in present day black gay Atlanta. Lots of unprotected sex and recreational drugs. The people who I have known to relocate there have all come back very different from when they left my city, and most not for the better. On one hand it is empowering to see so many black gay men and on the other is discouraging to see how so many of them treat each other. It seems like the black straight Atlanta is just as damaged as the black gay scene. If your relationship can withstand ATL whether you are gay or str8 you have my respect because that is not an easy place to maintain a relationship with so many beautiful people who are willing to do anything. I will take D.C or NYC over this place anytime, when I want to visit a gay friendly black space, all the extra that comes with Atlanta is exhausting.

  10. Stop all the stereotyping. I’ve been in a relationship four years. I never lacked for dating. I live in the DMV and know a lot of black gay couples I vacation in LA and Florida and get down to Atlanta and have fun and meet couples there all the time. Grow up. Everywhere you go you will meet good gays and crazy ones. I will advise to date people who are not your type. Be open and try to hang with positive people.There are really great men out there.Lastly you attract what you put out. Think about that. I’ve had to adjust myself too.

  11. This is great dialogue.

    I lived in Atlanta from 96 to late 2001. The more things change, the more they stay the same! Any large, he’ll small city will grind you up if you don’t have the basics down.

    Just as it is with being black, the pressures of life don’t allow for reflection on the pressures of existing while so, those who are just deal. When you compound that with being same gender loving in a hetero-normal culture, it’s intense.

    One thing not addressed in respects to the mecca cities is that many who move to these cities are escaping from what they think is not working for them, or their lives.

    Them bags, tho. Everywhere you go, there YOU ARE.

    Honestly, I had a solid, committed relationship that I ended because I wanted more life experience. I found that in Atlanta. I had three or four serious “engagements” that could have matured into something enduring. I suffered from commitment phobia supported by the idea of being locked down. I had “better offer” syndrome, thinking that the man I really wanted was going to manifest any day now.

    Luckily, I’m not promiscuous. My point is, the cities, their scenes and cultures aren’t to blame. As we mature, we have to take accountability for our individual ish. The euphemism “you are whom you attract” has never failed in my life on any relationship level or type.

    Be a person of substance, have character, strive to have balance and be well-rounded. SGL IS A LIFE, NOT A LIFESTYLE, LOL.

    My good friend invited 13 of us to Mexico for his 40th this past February. I hadn’t seen most of them in 15 years since I left Atlanta. They were all single, lol.

    The worst thing: they manifested all the negative personal qualities of gay and human nature. They were still competing to one-up each other, being catty. None were fans of me.

    I have not been in the gay scene in all that time. I had balance, and had developed other mental muscles and was not a punk 24/7.

    Would I move back to Atlanta given all its flaws? Yes, I would. Anyone else considering it should have a life plan. It should be a component of an agenda to create and have a fuller life, not be about THE LIFE. The most important thingto remember is, you must create and maintain you own stability.

    There are only so many floors, beds, etc. that you can sleep on. About three dudes into the scene, your stock plummets, lolol. Ain’t no greater love than love of self. If you have that down, you can curve past all the bs, and slay LIFE, too.

    My $0.02.

  12. I’ve lived in Atlanta my whole life, and y’all always doing my city so wrong, smh. Lol!

    I admit, we do look like a hot mess to outsiders, but honestly, I’d say if you’re Black and want to be successful, ATL is the place. There’s so many Black business owners, and lots of Black people with professional careers (doctas and lawyas gurl), and a lot of Black people with power.

    There are a lot of folks out here, “faking it til they make it” living in rented houses and driving leased cars with NO food at home, but there’s A LOT of people that really have the money to back it all up.

    As far as the gay scene is, there’s more guys just looking for a quick fuck rather than a LTR, but isn’t that pretty much the case… everywhere? This experience is also mostly with younger dudes, how many young dudes looking to be married, and not get a chance to play a little while?

    That being said, I have NEVER been approached by a gay dude or witnessed any ratchet activity. But maybe I just hang around the wrong places, IDK.

    All that being said, I wouldn’t live anywhere else. I love my city, it’s beautiful and I’m 30 minutes away from everything.

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