43 thoughts on “All Bottoms Need To Die”

1. … This must be a NY thing, because I don’t experience this down here in Atlanta. Of course, I’m bi and I don’t really follow the gay scene here.

   From what I understand though, there’s no shortage of top only guys (myself being one). However, finding someone for a LTR is almost impossible, but the straights are having the same problem. Thanks to all the apps and hook-up site, people don’t have to pretend anymore. Guys use to HAVE to get to know a girl to get some pussy, now you can just swipe left or right.

   It’s a good thing, and a bad thing.

2. 👏👏👏 Yes, J. you are completely right. Look I am not changing my wants or desires for anyone because I know myself and I know what I want, plus I see all these muthafuckas dating people they didn’t exactly ask for in life and they are 10x more depressed and more likely to cheat #justsaying

   But I liked when you mention that the reason youre attracted to work wolf is because you two simply talk and getting to know each other, plus you also have to admit that you do somewhat like this cat and mouse game when y’all are fighting. Like I always say when two people are constantly fighting each other it because there is a hidden attraction for one another.

   Can I also add that people confuses lust with love. In my honest opinion, I feel work wolf loves you but he lust after vixens: Love – an intense feeling of deep affection; Lust – very strong sexual desire. That is all.

   1. By your definition, if he “loves” a man, but only lusts after women, would that not make him gay/bi? If he’s “in-love” with another man, he loses his straight card IMO, which potentially makes his lust for women misguided, because he knows what he really wants.

      I’m not sure if this is the case though, but could be.

3. I usually agree with the lowkey 100% but this time i have to disagree. Keyword: WHITE! Never forget the issues in the white and black gay community are different. That’s why others get a pass and “we” don’t get that luxury. I don’t agree with it but you can’t be surprised about it.

   1. Whew! Somebody said it! They are going through the same dilemma as well but as long as the “others” dont carry any weight or social stigma for bottoming then we continue to be put on ignore. I am glad Jamari sees the double standards that exist amongst black bottoms and bottoms of other races. A black bottom has always held the short end of the stick for the gay community in general. Some people can ignore it but it does happen.

4. Jamari, thank you. I am in agreement with everything you said. I, too, would rather a nice date to a sex party, get fucked than fuck, etc. Anywho, thank YOU!

5. I have to say that I have never really understood the obsession with roles among so many men who have sex with men. It seems to me that “I like to get fucked” is a a statement of preference or a characteristic which might be occasional, for the moment, all the time or just on Tuesdays. “I am a bottom” is a statement of identity that is presumably permanent and comes with all sorts of other assumptions. Is there a difference between the identity “real top” and the characteristic “knows how to fuck me stupid’? I used to hear people down south ask “which one is the woman?” as though all love must be understood through the lens of the breeders. It wasn’t until I was exposed to more openly gay men that I realized how many of them think that way too.

   Jamari is right that “men are the problem” if you believe that love, companionship, security and mind-blowing orgasms all have to come from the same person, and only that person, forever. All of recorded history and the genetic record before history was recorded suggests that men tend to seek multiple sexual partners. Society was created to make that socially unacceptable in the Western context or carefully regulated in other contexts (you can have as many wives as you can support or these are the rights of mistresses versus wives)

   Open gay male relationships seem to make sense to me. By “open”, I don’t just mean that both can fuck around. I mean that both openly and without lying discuss their needs and desires. Openly saying, I need you to focus on me for a while because Im feeling vulnerable rather than passive aggressively resenting the presence of other partners. Openly saying “Look, I got you a big-dicked Latino for your birthday.” rather than pretending that all his sexual energy is focused on you. Openly saying, “Im tired of always being the dominant one, fuck me” rather than assuming a role someone else created for you. Openly saying, “I want some strange right now. But, never doubt, when you are 90 and drooling on yourself, I will be there wiping it up and loving you as much then as I do now.”

   Women have biological reasons to insist on absolute fidelity. They need to be sure that the man.s protection and providing ability are available to their offspring, not divided among many. Someone who likes to get fucked or who has taken on the identity “bottom” may be looking for the eternally faithful “husband” in the same box of fantasies as he looks for the self-lubricating sex organs. It may just be that shit don’t work like that.

   Just saying..

   1. The best comment on this post! Thanks for articulating it so well. Gay people MUST STOP IMPOSING BINARY HETERO NORMS ON THEIR RELATIONSHIPS…especially when these norms ain’t working for straight folks anyway.

   2. Finally someone who gets it! That line is everything!

   3. This is nicely worded, but to put it simply some people have preferences! Not everyone wants to be verse. Some people are only comfortable being a top or a bottom. Let people have that. That’s not our business to decide what “role,” what type of relationship, etc. someone should partake in unless we’re with that person.

      We all have things that work for us and those things may not work for the next person. If I’m a bottom who seeks fidelity in my relationship, I personally could care less about history, biology, and all that other shit because it’s irrelevant to how I feel at this very moment. At the end of the day, I still want to be fucked and I want a man who is faithful to me doing the fucking.

      Our problem in this community is that we want everyone to think the way we do, but when outsiders stereotype us we get upset. We’re not monolithic. Just because we’re all Black and gay doesn’t mean we all think alike.

   4. I agree with the idea of “openness” 100%.

6. You need to collect an offering off this post, because you are speaking the truth!!! Let the church say AMEN

7. AND WHY DO I FEEL LIKE ALL THE REAL TOPS ARE DL?
   OR ONES WHO AREN’T ATTENTIONISTOS ALL LIKE THAT?
   what is that about?

8. This post feels like the Bottom’s Anthem. There are true quality TOPS out there who have no notion to wanted to bottom, all they care about is tearing some ass up, and there’s is nothing wrong with that. Want what you Want.

   People feel the need to shame men who proudly state they bottom as if they’re crazy or or it makes them less of a man. That’s total bull shit

   If you’re verse, that’s fine but if you’re not and seeking out partners who aren’t as well then that’s cool too, do what makes you happy and get your rocks off

9. I don’t you have to defend yourself at all, but we have to accept in this life, we individually have different approaches when it come to relationship and interactions with each other. You can’t attack a person for not preferring to put something on their relationship then angry for having to defend what you want out of your relationships.

   1. ^the issue is i’m attacked and looked down upon for what i want.

      1. And you shouldn’t be. My beef is how the wolf is placed on a pedestal and the fox in seen as secondary and complementary. I’m not a fan of the patriarchy in the community because I think it reinforces homophobia…

         1. ^hmmm…

            thats an interesting view opm…

      2. Agreed with OPM! My issue is our ideas of what it means to be gay in the first place are convoluted.
         I don’t think anyone has to justify their preferences, but as a community, the stigmas of “topping” and “bottoming” are what’s holding a lot of people back from just living. Too much thinking about what it means to be a “top”. People say, “oh there are not enough tops in comparison to bottoms”, like gay people are products, lol. Is a top just a dude that fucks booty? or is he more than that. People act like its the first, but their real idea of top is the latter (behaviours, “pseudo-masculinity”, domination etc.;playing a role) They may find a dude that fucks booty, but is somewhat feminine, and all of a sudden he’s a bottom that fucks booty… (by their logic) like, WHAT?! because he’s not the superficial stereotype of “masculinity”. or if he’s vers, he’s not a “true” top, as if its some special club that people need to prove themselves with prerequisites to be a top. Just, no.

         I’m only saying that when you say “I want a top” think about what the word “top” embodies for YOU, not the socio-cultural version of the word, and if your expectations are reasonable. Nothing wrong with wanting a top, but its never a bad thing to ask yourself what you REALLY want. You might find that what your asking for is not even achievable for most men to achieve in the first place.

         Just find that person that fits what you want within reason, know if your expectations are reasonable, and things should come your way.

         I’m not directing this at you Jamari, just a general rant, from what I’ve heard people say over the years. Again you dont need to justify your preferences to anyone other than yourself.

         1. ^i respect this d.

            hell a top for me is someone who will fuck me and not ask me to return the favor.
            a top is also someone who is dominate in our relationship.
            i would rather play the submissive role.
            i also want him to be masculine.
            its like people have an issue with “that”.
            when i say i want a masculine man who is dominate.
            like its my damn preference!
            sheesh.

      3. Totally. Nothing wrong with that, you seem to have a clear idea of what YOU bring to the table for him, and know what you want HIM to bring to the table. I think that is the most important thing.

         You just want someone who is really masculine, but in a genuine sense, not just the outer behaviours, but masculine in and out, meaning he can listen to some random “girly” song and like it, and not feel like that’s compromising his masculinity etc. He can be himself and not be insecure about his masculinity (<< my take on a "truer" sense of masculinity). It balances with your personality. I think I have a pretty good sense of what you want, and even though you post all these musclemen, (and I KNOW you want muscles LOL) but you've expressed through your experiences with work wolf that you want something that means so much MORE than just the "role" of a top; some sort of companion or as you say "situationship" that stimulates you emotionally. I think its safe to say that many want to experience this in some way or another (not all). This is the thing people dont understand. they think the ONLY think they want is this "top", a man who plays a sexual "role" and that's it, anything less is "feminine" etc. It's rarely that simple.

         It's okay to "not" be attracted to more feminine guys, but some people go so far as to add-on all these extra stigmas which just reinforces the problem to begin with.

         I'm trying to get at the deeper issue with the mentality of the community, but its just too much for me to be bothered with other people. I live my life with my preferences, and will not justify them to anyone.
         I feel you.

         1. ^YOU GET IT!
            thank you d!

            that is what im looking for.

10. What? There’s WAY more foxes in the world I thought. People say wolves don’t exist anymore 😉

    Shows you everything has cons. I consider myself to be a hybrid, and there’s issues with that. I prefer being the wolf, but the moment people hear you were a fox, it’s the worst thing ever. Honestly, I think it’s because people get insecure that they can’t provide something 😒

    1. ^its like being a fox,
       and wanting to be in a role,
       is an issue with most.
       like don’t tell me shit about me and i won’t say shit about you.
       how about that?

11. I agree with you, not everyone has options because sexual position is not a choice, but the acts a person desires. Beating up booty is what I like, and I will not settle for less, nor should I. I am the type of dude who prefers to be the one in charge all the time. Pertaining to the lifestyle, I actually also prefer to date Foxes only because I do not want a Hybrid with the intentions of topping me on the low. Many of y’all be doing that shit. Nah. Give me a Fox.

    1. ^well you know someone will come in here and say you can be turned out.
       some sexual predator who needs to have a notch on his belt will try to have you on your back.
       its ridiculous.

       1. Well he better pull a Bill Cosby because that will be the only way….and that does not count.

          Then they be laughing about how they turned you out the next morning.

          1. ^smh.

             god forbid you even say someone fucked them,
             like beat their booty up,
             and they will be ready to throw the paws on you.

12. Agree 100% with everything you said.

    1. ^thanks jay.
       someone “gets” it.

13. Oh yes Jamari, tell it like it T-I-S!! I used to get soooooo tired of defending myself to friends on what I liked/preferred. Being subjected to quips like, “guuurl, you don’t use your dick”, or “they still make your type”..uugghh..

    I’ve had my share of verse type dudes. Even my last relationship of four years was with a truly bisexual dude…always masculine, and he shared with me that sometimes he wants me to be the “Daddy”. I respected that. Nevertheless, I had to end it because “fish” got in the way and I wasn’t about to play the side chick #Scorpio.

    1. ^well know they still make your type.
       its just a challenge to find it sometimes.
       if the women are having issues looking for a good man,
       then you know it won’t be easy for us…

14. Wow! Jamari you went off lol do you feel betta? You should after this one lol! But help me to understand this what’s up with the gay community and their hang-ups about bottoms its makes no sense to me cause where would the gay community be without bottoms I would think that’s one of the incentives for being gay or am I wrong? Idk it’s confusing.

    1. It is an incentive…..for me.

       1. Ha-ha lol! I’m sure it is.

    2. ^its shouldn’t be confusing.
       there are some men who just want to be fucked.
       that is a role and its called a “fox”.
       the end.
       lol

       i shouldn’t be made to feel bad because thats what i want.
       or made to feel like TOPS aka wolves don’t exist anymore.
       that isn’t right.

15. LMAO! I’ve grown tired of trying to explain my desires, wishes, wants, and fantasies. I’m grown as fuck. Ima do me. I live in the ATL, and I had to learn that “yes” my top that banged my brains out got HIS brains banged out by another “top” I used to deal with. It’s all good though. You learn your territory as a fox, and govern yourself accordingly. Period.

    1. I feel you on this one here. Who I fuck shouldn’t be of your concern unless you want you some brown brown as well.

    2. ^word!

16. You better PREACH and hence the reason I’m single I’m being selective as well. I have an mind, great heart, education and a salary position and I refuse to settle for a man who can’t bring shit to the table other than his big dick. Life is too short

    1. ^like why am i even gay if i can’t desire what i want and believe its out there?
       so only women can be selective?
       they only get the men i want?
       its annoying.

       1. yes then the millions of gay men that are messy and stereotypical in behavior are pulling bad ass men…i’m like damn do i need to act like a female to pull someone or not even that do i need to become moral-less to get someone? I have a friend of mine who has been the side ho for a married man for over three years and I’m like how do you do it when you met this man he was dating his girl, now he’s about to get married and they’re moving up and you’re still the side mouth and piece of ass….now i see why some gay black men step outside of their community. i just need to change my tactics i guess, maybe i need to move from doing stuff online and start going out..not to gays clubs but just in general you’d be surprised how many gay and bi brothas go to str8 clubs.

          1. “you’d be surprised how many gay and bi brothas go to str8 clubs.”

             …and those are the ones i’m attracted to.
             sadly.

Comments are closed.