accountability | may 17th – 23rd

i’m still tweaking how i’m gonna do this,
but i know it made me feel good when i did it last week.
i’m def gonna keep up with it.
i know it helps the foxholers stay on top of me and even themselves.
i stan a good accountability partner.
for this past week…

POSITIVES

i started getting up crazy early this week.
i’ve been waking up at 6 am without any issues.
it helped me to do my laundry,
finally.

after i cleaned my apartment,
i felt a change in the energy and myself for the better.
there was a lot of stagnant sad energy in here.

i saw this fione ass wolf outside that continued to reinforce why i like men.

i felt more motivated to write entries because i wasn’t feeling down.

demi lovato’s album is literally speaking my entire truth.
i’m not listening to anything else but her album at this moment.

the drug use could be a metaphor for the negative shit i was addicted to recently.
i had “what other people say”,
“lonely people”,
and “the art of starting over” on repeat:

sam and i share the same birthday (july 5th) and i thought that was dope.

my therapist and i have been working on my rejection and acceptance issues.

i created my ( x hire me ) page

i’m healthy,
still look good,
and have breath in my lungs so things aren’t that bad.

i used that 40% off coupon from uber eats and it really helped between the cooking days.

I AM OBSESSED WITH GTA RPGS.
this streamer on twitch,
lang buddha,
has become my latest teensy obsession.

this makes me feel so happy and i’m starting to enjoy where my happiness lies.
it reminds me of playing with my toys as a kid.

NEGATIVES

i pushed a lot of stuff back on my calendar that i was supposed to accomplish.
i’m gonna make an effort to stop doing that.

this wolf i really liked kept crossing my mind randomly.
at one point,
i felt this intense energy of him come over me outta nowhere,
but the way he treated me was fucked up and i allow it to fuck me up.
i stopped snooping on his socials a long time ago,
but i ended up on his shit by mistake yesterday.
it didn’t give me the anxiety that it used to,
which is a plus.
i’m still really attracted to him and i don’t know why.
i don’t want to be.

i watched this documentary about the summer of sam on netflix and it put me in a bad mood.
i noticed it affected my energy.
today i woke up really sad and saw some shit in my bank account that sent me on a downward spiral.
before this,
i felt stronger and more sure of myself.
i def gotta watch the type of shit i invest my energy in.

i have to stop shooting down compliments.
someone will say i look nice or i’m amazing,
but i’ll find a way to counter it by saying what’s wrong or the negatives i see.
learning to accept the kind things people say about me.

i felt really alone this week even though i was texting friends and in the dms with foxhole.
i don’t have a shit ton of money and i don’t want my friends to always pay for me outside.
i’m on a tite budget and i absolutely hate it.

i put a lot of emphasis on upcoming holiday weekends and feeling left out.

—————-

new week ahead; new blessings.
i pray for new experiences,
higher moods,
and earth-shattering blessings!

agenda dump:

  • having a scheduled conversation with mi via phone
  • tmz appearance (maybe)
  • laundry but sheets
  • might do this party during memorial day weekend
  • call about taxes and unemployment (closure bound)

positive vibes ahead.
leggo…

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Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

"off topic", trolling, and other nonsense gets sent to my spam folder. other than that, play nice and let's discuss!