”
i always wondered if i was a character on a tv show,
would the audience hate me?
would i be the villain?
the hero?
or simply boring?
that was my thoughts on the way home tonight.
my mind felt weighed down with various things.
i heard my mother’s voice clear as day tell me:
“you’re so stupid”
i think it may be time to face reality.
maybe i’m the one who is wrong?
work wolf and i had a talk today.
it left me feeling…
i dunno…
but i feel like a bad fox…
when i got into work this morning,
there was a present sitting on my desk.
it was a long rectangle box.
gift wrapped.
i decided to open it.
i know i should have waited until christmas,
but whatever.
inside it was a white box with a note:
“merry christmas”
it was signed from work wolf.
it was an apple watch.
rose gold.
he knew i wanted that rose gold iPhone.
i called his extension to thank him.
he didn’t sound like he even wanted to talk to me.
i won’t lie,
i didn’t either,
but what would it look like me not calling him?
i told him we needed to talk after last night.
he said later.
after work,
he met me outside.
his body language towards me was different.
he wouldn’t look at me and his hands were in his pockets.
i told him how i felt.
i mentioned everything about my sexuality;
how i felt him bringing that up.
“i have no beef with your sexuality.
i don’t care if you are gay.”
thats when he brought the knives out.
these were his problems with me:
“you nag me like my mother.”
“i don’t need a friend thats going to nag me.”
“you live in the past.”
“you think too much.”
okay.
i can see where i went wrong.
i asked him if he was using me.
“jamari.
i paid for your dinners and other shit.
i bought you a fuckin’ apple watch.
how you gonna stand here and ask me if i’m using you?”
i guess…
he took out even more knives about that night.
first he said he wasn’t mad or uncomfortable.
“did i say i was uncomfortable?”
well obviously.
you have an issue.
then he said:
“ok ima be real.
i felt like you was trying to make a move on me.”
i felt disgusting when he said that to me.
like,
it made me want to vomit.
i told him i wasn’t trying to make a move,
but i could see how he would think so.
then he goes:
“your arms were on my shoulders for too long.
use your brain.”
i told him i have seen him in his underwear and other things.
i mentioned how i have touched his his body before with no issues.
“but you didn’t touch me long.
plus you asked me if you could.
for that situation,
you didn’t…”
there went all my insecurities rise up.
i felt like he thought i was trying to rape him.
that is not me.
i don’t do those things.
i am terrified of rejection.
i will say i was comfortable enough to do that.
he made it that way.
so he told me he needed some time apart from me.
“just a few days.
i just need to not be around jamari right now.”
imagine how i felt?
it was moreso that maybe i did something wrong.
like did i destroy my friendship with him?
i gave him one even better:
“how about we talk next year?”
“what?
you not coming to work?”
“yeah i am.”
“ok…
cool.”
he shook my hand and looked me in the eyes.
i walked away.
i started to question myself on the way home.
i’m definitely not innocent,
but he is just as wrong as me.
i can say i became obsessed with him.
he wasn’t like any other straight wolf i been around.
he did things that were suspect to me.
i know i’m not crazy or desperate.
i’m not some jackal who tries to turn out straight wolves.
i got caught up in trying to figure him out.
i will admit.
the “l” is already in my hands.
i feel bad.
i feel ugly.
i feel dirty.
maybe this is all my fault?
i had to wonder after his side of the story...
Am i the villain in all this?
I’m super late on this. But in all honesty you wanted to know if he is gay or not….THIS is your answer. You need to stop being delusional and causing yourself so much pain. You cannot make someone love you. If he is not gay, you have to except that Beloved.
I have a few very close straight males friends and here are some facts. Not even just the fact they are str8 but men in general.
1- They love the attention a gay guys gives- it makes them feel macho and sexy! If it goes to far especially with a close “bro” they have all right to say something!
THEY ARE STR8! They like the attention but they don’t want anything more than that!
ACCEPT THAT!
2- If you are friends i don’t see anything wrong with him buying you a gift! You have given him more than the value of an apple watch thru your time, care and love. An apple watch will NEVER pay back for a lifetime of commitment and a LOYAL FRIEND! REMEMBER THAT!
3- I think you need to PLACE HIM IN A BOX IN YOUR HEAD! I DO THIS NOW WITH EVERY POTENTIAL GUY!
EITHER – A FRIEND (They are not interested in me, thus I am no longer interested in them)
OR
A POTENTIAL (They have admitted or proven signs of liking me and I will give it a go!)
Due to WW action its clear that you need to now decide what this relationship is going to be!
This is not worth the CONSTANT questioning! You either want a GOOD friend or a MAN!
WW has DONE NOTHING WRONG! He is trying to make you OPEN YOUR EYES! HE DOESNT WANT ANYTHING MORE FROM YOU BUT FRIENDSHIP RIGHT NOW!!
I have nothing to add to this discussion, but reading these comments on here tonight, got me feeling like I have went to church tonight and the Pastor was talking directly to me. Some of these comments have hit me over the head like a ton of bricks, and are coming just in time for 2016. Somebody got saved tonight reading these comments. I am taking this knowledge I received tonight and applying it to my own life and the person I am dealing with, talk about eyes wide open after being slain in the spirit by the comment section. The comment Evangelists showed up and showed out tonight.
Lol me too bro. These comments are causing me to reevaluate the relationships in my life. As black gay men, most of us are so lonely that we are willing to tolerate things we never thought we would. We’ve got to learn to love ourselves first and most of all. We hate ourselves so much that we place insurmountable standards on the next guy until no one is good enough. So much so that when “work wolves” come along we except anything just as long as we’re not lonely anymore. This lifestyle is sad.
Are you the villain in this relationship? No
Are you responsible for everything that has gone wrong in this relationship? No
Have you made mistakes in this relationship? Yes
Will you learn from these mistakes and start making decisions that are in YOUR best interest? TBD
Jamari, thankfully this is not the Jamari Fox Show, well it is and isn’t. You know what I mean. Your life isn’t scripted, you actually control what happens in it and with that being said please TAKE CONTROL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!……………………….!!!!!!!…….!!!! x 10 to the tenth power. You are dragging the hell out of this plot line, We are ready for a new season and you should be too! Were going to start calling you T. Perry soon LMAO
He is in too deep and doesn’t know how to handle it, I have been in his position before with a co-worker, was scared to death to admit how I was feeling. nedless to say 15 years later I am a FOXHOLE FAITHFULL. Just continue to be his friend and things will work out for you like it did for my first male love. Keep your head up playa
Ok Jamari… so since your hands were all through his hair last week….You should of taken some of his hair and went to see a witch doctor….. just kidding… lmao…. but on the real… let me predict what is going to happen…. New Years Eve get your place spotless clean… kick your sometimes ungrateful cousin out the apartment cause Work Wolf will want to chill with you to bring in the New Year….and then the fireworks will happen… The Concrete Jungle will Explode!!!!!!!
Jamari,
I’m going to just leave this little gem right here…
“Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.”
Jamari,
I love what you’re doing with the site, but I’m absolutely disgusted by how you’re allowing Work Wolf to emotionally abuse you.
1) Give that Apple Watch back. As long as it’s in your possession, he will have control over you.
2) Cut him loose. He means you no good. He is letting you know that by the quotes above.
3) If you can’t be you, why would you want to be his friend? He clearly only wants 1/3rd of you.
4) He is an adult male in a city known for street smarts, but he’s acting like a quasi-rape victim? I can’t.
5) He is emotionally abusing you and at this point, you’re allowing it.
6) Look at the timing of the present. If that’s not emotional abuse, what is?
7) If the friendship has to be on his terms, why continue to invest time and emotions in it?
8) You deserve so much better, but until you realize that you deserve better, nothing will happen.
I’m so over Work Wolf at this point. I think if you don’t cut him off, you only have yourself to blame when he treats you like the vixens, and that’s never a good thing. Jamari, he’s adding to your depression. He’s controlling you by telling you on what terms you can go forward with what’s supposed to be a mutual understanding of a friendship. Do not allow this man to continue to abuse you.
When you talk to him again you need to let him know. That its not your fault. Seriously, Jamari you did nothing wrong. Its not that your fault that as a friend you felt comfortable enough around him to be yourself and let loose. Work wolf is very confused himself internally. Something has happened that he has witnessed that he thinks its okay to manipulate/use women. Behaviors like that arent natural, theyre learned. And from what youve told us maybe he is doing the same to you that hes doing to the women he deals with, even though hes not fucking you, hes fucking you mentally. And i have a feeling he knows it. He has a way of redirecting thing on to you. One thing he was right about though is that you think too much. But not all though time though. Youre just super self critical, but a lot of us are our own worst critic. I think that because youre gay he views that as an effeminate trait even though you arent feminine, which subconsciously he kind of views you as a woman, which in turn is why hes playing these mind games with you as he does with the girls he messes with. I think he does care about you to a certain extent, but in that situation he was more so uncomfortable with himself than with you. He felt uneasy about the situation because i think something inside him liked it. But he doesnt want to admit it to himself becuase hes scared of being gay I think. If youre supposed to be “bros” or whatever, Im sure he wouldnt have a problem with his brother hugging him. But then again youre not his brother. I mean the way you touched him wasnt intended to be taken the way it was, but he blames you so he doesnt feel bad about liking it. So just go along with his flow but at the same time stand your ground. Dont be too hard on yourself Jamari.
This is making me emotional because I want you to really win Jamari. Whether it’s the wolf of your dreams or a phenomenal friendship. But I agree with Tony. Regardless if he straight or not, he is still a wolf. A wolf wants to take charge. But also don’t lose yourself in this situation. You are a wonderful person for anybody to have in their life. Shit I feel like your in my life and what not and I haven’t even met you in person, so I know you are a great person in the flesh. Just don’t lose yourself. I get it. We love when people treat us good and like we never been treated before especially by straight wolves..*sigh* ….we love you Jamari!
Anyone else notice how he answered to Jamari touching him for too long but didn’t say anything about Jamari seeing him in his underwear. Who else clocked that? This pineapple knows what’s he’s doing. Jamari why have you not cut him off yet?
I swear this pineapple comes out the ass with red flags.
“i don’t need a friend thats going to nag me.”
“you live in the past.”
“you think too much.”
All red flags. I’ve heard this from people who do messed up crap and get upset when they’re called out on it. Jesus F’ing christ! Pineapple, we in the past because your track record got me fucked up! Isn’t this more than the third time you caught him in a lie about something serious? Then he want time away from you after getting you a gift? The fact that he asking for space but getting you a gift points to manipulation like Jay said. It’s to make sure you’re still there while he’s gone. Just plain disturbing. Return the gift and watch how he reacts. Please make it a goal for 2016 to stay far away from this man. I think he has more issues than he’s letting on.
This post and the comments is a lot to take in. Jamari this is what I have to say, it’s time get over him. I was one of the people at first who thought that you guys could have a romantic relationship, but now you have to keep at just friends. Jamari you and me have a lot in common one would be liking masculine men, majority of those times those men are straight or straight until proven gay. You fell for work wolf because he is everything you wanted and liked in a man, there he was buying you things, treating you like a girlfriend, letting you rub oil in his hair, seeing him half naked. Yes you guys are both to blame in this situation which majority of us agree. Your tired of me saying this but that’s why I told you and been saying get your butt in the gym, focus on eating healthy, save some money up to take a vacation somewhere, find a new job or look into how you can make a living off blogging, finish writing your book, get a new haircut or dye it like Odell Beckham lol, change up your look Hell grow a beard if you can, get out more go somewhere on the weekends with your friends. I been stressing the gym for many reasons such as improving your body, cutting down your stress level, looking at muscle heads in person instead of just online. Jamari were men who have sexual needs, I think it’s time to for you to finally get some. Also I miss you writing your erotic stories. I think it’s time for you to get yours. 2016 is the year lets get it.
I’m going to say this…i think it’s best if you leave hum alone and give him his watch back…Firstly no straight man does all that that work wolf does, even if you were a female that kind of behavior isn’t right. he continually places you in awkward situations…Work wolf sounds like a bicurious or bi-sexual guy who loves flirting and etc but then gets offended if someone makes all a move..Just all of the times you guys have been together in my mind that equates to intimacy…Intimacy is not sex but time spent together in a capacity upon which you are bonding…Work wolf sounds like an egotistical jerk that loves playing with folks emotions and then gets mad when he’s not in control…Leave him in 2015 LIFE is too short for the games, guessing what he likes or doesn’t like. I’ve been there myself quite a few times and lastly i think it’s best to just fall back permanently because you two work together. You don’t want to shit where you eat!?!? So i say end it, keep it respectful and work on you for 2016…YOUR DREAMS, YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR dESIRES and what you want…Men like work wolf are NOT conducive for PROGRESS
Baby, dis tew much. I wouldn’t even buy my BEST friends an Apple Watch. Something is up with him J. I don’t know what it is but this is too much back and forth. I honestly don’t know how you do it, it’s so exhausting to read so I can only imagine how you feel living it.
I honestly think the watch needs to go back and you two need a break from one another. You don’t really need to be around him until you deal with yourself. You both have serious issues that you have to work out within yourselves and your relationship will never be fruitful until they’re worked out or at least amicably acknowledged.
We never met in real life but love you like a brother. Listen to your readers. GIVE THE WATCH BACK! Leave this toxic, manipylative man alone. Get some casual no strings dick! And focus on you.
Don’t blame yourself, you was feeling yourself that night and got a little bold, nothings wrong with that. He’s acting like that because he doesn’t even understand why he’s mad, his emotions are all over the place right now. Just play it cool and act like this situation never happened 😉
P.S.
Keep the watch! You deserve it
I’ve said this from post number 1 …. Run JF run as fast as you can! Been there have the tee shirt!
You are not a villain.
You are a gay man who hasn’t had sex in a long time who has fallen for a straight man.
You are an insecure man who is being manipulated like a puppet on a string by a user.
You are not a villain.
You are a man who needs to be in love who is accepting being needed as a substitute.
You are in a codependent relationship that isn’t helping either of you.
You are not a villain.
I feel both of you are to blame. You instigate it at times, while he allows things to occur without speaking up for himself. You push the boundaries occasionally, but pretend you are innocent when he confronts you or act as if he is overreacting. In that first post where you detailed that night you massaged his scalp, you stated you were usually not that bold, which means you were knowingly pushing the limits with him. He noticed it and called you out about it.
I do not want friends around me with ulterior motives, no one does. In this lifestyle alone, we socialize with men who befriend us with the intent of something sexual to occur in the future, instead of enjoying the friendship, and these are people I prefer to distance myself from. We ALL have that one friend who has those types of intentions. Eventually, this man will pull away because of the thoughts he is having in the back of his head regarding your interest in him. I honestly believe, your interest in him will never fade as long as he is in your life. You have to instill in your mind that he is straight, which means a romantic relationship will not happen, until you come to terms with that, you will not be able to be a true friend to him. As of late, I have taken a back seat on these types of entries, and I just read the comments, which are at times more harmful than helpful to be honest. You all have to realize that supporting someone does not mean you have to agree with them. I personally want people who will be honest.
By nature, we are creatures that have sexual desires, especially men. If something was going to happen between Jamari and this man, it would have happened within the first few months of the friendship. Most of us can agree with that. People on here have shared their stories about how they met their current boyfriend and went through the same events, knowing good and well it was not stretched out for this long. This man has no issue smashing random hoes or women he has known for a short time, which means he does not waste time to become sexual with someone.
@theman you betta say it!!! THAT LAST PARAGRAPH WAS NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH!!!! Honestly i think he wants to fuck jamari, maybe even wanna dabble in a romantic relationship with him, but he has to many barriers, at the end of the day whenever he feels uncomfortable or he freaks out he;s gonna make all jamari’s fault and none of his. Atleast Jamari admits to being wrong when called out by work wolf, while work wolf acts like he doesn’t do shit to provoke it
Jamari, I’m going to respectfully say “LOVE” yourself a little harder. Stop letting your guard down, every time things go good between you and work wolf, because this cycle will cotinue. This back and forth has gone on to long, take control, stop allowing the distractions, get back to attaining your goals, and make 2016 your year!!
Yes, yes and yes!!!!!
I cannot tell you how much i agree with this!
You guys are like some kind of weird couple, you’ve had a break from each other a number of times this year and you are only colleagues! This can happen between good [straight] friends though…
The Man makes some good observations as does the guy that wrote about you focusing on your career and the guy that points out his overt acts which seem to suggest a high threshold of comfort and intimacy. I think both of you are genuinely good guys (and there might not be much to all the gifting) but you perhaps have to define [and confine] your relationship. He has indicated he wants to be your friend, and not your man (for now, if ever) and you clearly value his friendship, perhaps you on your part should consider putting a full stop after the word friend.
I’m curious though, is he also generous to any of the girls he is with or to others in general?
Ps. I thoroughly love the way you go all out to spruce things with the gifs even though your blog entry might be hurtful to you.
^nope.
he told me he only got me something for christmas.
SO AM I WRONG FOR THINKING YOU SHOULD’VE GIVEN HIM HIS RAGGEDY ASS WATCH BACK?!?! YOU HAVE TO COMMIT JAMARI, YEA THE LETS TALK NEXT YEAR THING MAY HAVE STUNG HIM A BIT, BUT YOU SHOULD’VE JUST GIVEN HIM THE WATCH BACK, BECAUSE THAT IS SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOR. IF ITS GONNA END, END IT ON YOUR OWN TERMS AND NOT HIS. YES YOU DO RUN THE RISK OF RUINING A SITUATION THAT COULD’VE BEEN SOMETHING, OR YOU COULD JUST BEAT HIM TO THE PUNCH. HE MAKES YOU CRAZY, AND MAKES YOU SAD, AND MAKES YOU CRY, AND MAKES YOU DOUBT YOURSELF. PUT REAL DISTANCE BETWEEN YOULL. IS IT A POSSIBILITY THAT HE CAN LEAVE AND BE GONE FOREVER? SURE IS! AND SO WHAT, NEVER COMPROMISE YOURSELF AND LOVE SOMEBODY HARDER THEN THEY CAN LOVE YOU. BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY HE’S CALLING UP SOME RANDOM BITCH TO FUCK, AND GO OUT WITH AND DRINK WITH AND SOME RANDOM HOE IS GOING TO GET EVERYTHING HE SHOULD BE GIVING TO YOU, YOU’VE WORKED FOR IT, YOU’VE EARNED IT. IF HE CAN’T FIND IT IN HIS HEART TO LOVE YOU, THEN LEAVE HIM ALONE. BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVENT SAID IT, YOU LOVE THAT BOY, AND YOUR HOPING THAT ONE DAY HE’LL ADMIT TO LOVING YOU TOO. BUT LIFE IS SHORT JAY, AND YOU DONT HAVE TIME TO WASTE ON SOMEBODY WHO DON’T WANT YOU… BUT DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU WITHOUT THEM. SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? I SAY START BY GIVING HIM HIS WATCH BACK, TELL HIM YOU APPRECIATE THE GESTURE BUT IN LIEU OF CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES THAT GIFT IS INAPPROPRIATE .
Hold up wait a minuet. First off you need to give that watch back. That is an instrument of a masterful head game that is being played on you. This dude is not a wolf at all he is a spider and he is spinning a magnificent web and you are getting all tangled up in it. And pleace check this statement “he isn’t doing it on purpose its just his nature to do so” Most masters of head games don’t sit around making plots and plans of psycological distruction it just seems to happen to everyone that comes in contact with them. It’s how he survives and you dont even stand a chance of survival.
Lets look at all the facts. THIS GUY KNOWS YOU ARE GAY why would he strut around in his underwear, let you touch him in any capacity, snuggle with you at movies etc etc etc. He knows all these moves are seductive. As many puss’s he has dipped in he odviously knows the art of seduction so why do these thing with you if he doesn’t intend on you feeling any type of way about it. Like he said he isn’t uncomfortable with you feeling that way but the head game is he wants you to be uncomfortable with your desire for him. Its like dangling a chocolate cake in front of a person on a diet saying look at it but dont touch it, dont even act like you like chocolate cake, infact rub it across your lips and get it all over your fingers but dont you dare taste it or lick any morsel of it. He’s been waiting for you to make any GAY overture so he can tangle you even more in his web of guilt.
What friend gives you an expensive gift like that? That’s something your man would do, your ride or die, not your cowoker friend who has only been to your place 1 time. If a friend did give you something like that it would be a friend of many years who you have built a long history with that is practically family. Come on man this is a tool to be used to add to your confusion about who he is to you. He wants you to be confused. To feel the way you are feeling right at this moment. To be even more tangled in his web to make you feel even worse about feelings he actually wants you to have about him but wants you to feel bad for having at the same time. Now what kind of bull-ish is that? Masterful bull-ish. Take the blinders off J. This dude is taking you down a path you might not find your way home from.
J. I get it. It’s a very confusing situation to be in. You don’t know what to do or how to feel. If he were gay he would be a great boyfriend. He probably says the same thing about you. If you were a woman you’d make a great girlfriend. The fact is nether of you are what the other is looking for really. He’s not gay and you are not a woman. Like I said once before the blurred lines yall keep crossing will keep you at odds with each other. Now the lines are so blurred that he is giving you gifts he shouldn’t be giving you and you are feeling too comfortable with him that you are “giving the boyfriend experience away” to someone who you shouln’t be giving it to. I just hope you don’t go into a depressed state again. Sometimes no matter how bad you want something you just gotta admit that its not good for me and let the hurt of that decision happen til it fades.
This man is on to something. It may be time to let it go buddy, for your sanity, soul, and self esteem sake.
I don’t comment much, but I have to say something and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way. Work wolf has been a distraction this year and it has delayed your departure from your current job. When you first started talking about your job situation, you conveyed to us that you were not happy with the work environment. You felt that there was too much pettiness and back-stabbing occurring there. You clearly wanted a change of scenery. Then work wolf arrived on deck. It was amazing how all of your complaints about your job gave way to your fantasizing about work wolf. The more you talked about work wolf, the less you talked about your crappy job situation. Soon it was nothing but the work wolf saga. It seemed like you lost track of where you were heading. I actually was quite disappointed with you. As someone who has always taken care of my career to the point where I can say I am semi-retired before the age of 50, I wanted to hear you go into detail about how you planned to move on to greener pastures. Instead, you gave us work wolf.
At the end of the day, you will do whatever you want to. And that is certainly your right your life. But I beg of you to please put all of your energy and focus back into your career. Quite frankly, you should have moved on to something better already. You have what it takes I’m quite sure. What’s the hold up? Hopefully not work wolf. He is not worth it. You are young and vibrant. The longer it takes to get out of there, the longer it will take for you to arrive at your preferred destination. Here is to 2016. Start lining up all of your ducks and get moving. I am anxious to hear about all the great things that are just waiting for you to claim. That saga will be more exciting that anything work wolf can offer to you.
Jamari I’m glad that I’m the first to comment on this b/c I know what you are going through. Like you, I am afraid of making ppl that are close to me uncomfortable. Go back and read the post about what happened that night. Reflect on your actions and how they can be interpreted. But also remember moments that led up to that, there were perhaps some moments where his actions can be interpreted similarly. Whenever you decide to have your next conversation, acknowledge what he said and let him know that you will respect his wishes. No you are not the villain but you are not blameless. You made a mistake, intentional or not, and you have now learned about the boundaries of your relationship. Let him know that from now on he needs to speak up if he is uncomfortable, since you can only get so much from body language and facial expressions. And I would recommend the same to you. About the anger he directs at you and your disapproval of the way he handles it.
I went through the exact same thing with a friend of mine. Except they did not come to me and instead ignored me for about 3 weeks, only through a mutual friend did I discover why. We fell out of touch b/c while it was never my intentions to make them feel uncomfortable, by not speaking up and allowing me to learn from my mistakes regarding the boundaries of our relationship, it makes them seem unwilling to allow me the chance to recognize my wrong and move on from it. And while I was wrong, I can’t surround myself with ppl who won’t at least give me the chance to learn not to repeat my mistakes with them. I tell you this not to frighten you, but to instead give you insight into a road that neither of you seem to wish to go down. Your time apart will be good, continue to focus on you–who you are and what you bring to the table in not just this friendship but all of your relationships. It will strengthen any you and help any over-villainization. Know that you will make mistakes, but you can learn from them: perhaps you thought that he was comfortable enough for that, or maybe you didn’t realize that you had your arm there for what he considers too long? You are human and it happens; again learn the lesson from it and move on leaving the guilt of this behind you.
Awwww Jamari, (gives air hug)
I don’t feel like you are totally the villain here like you think you are. The situation was a misunderstanding but like Lindo said above you could have pulled some knives out on him as well. He’s not totally innocent here and in your conversation with him he didn’t bring up any of his faults or how he could see how he has accidentally led you on in certain moments.
As far as his bring up your faults and presenting them as his problems with you was a tad much. He says you nag, live in the past, and think too much, while someone could say he’s unmotivated, an ass at times, and doesn’t think enough. The things he’s not appreciating in you as a friend someone else will, I don’t want you feeling like you have to change yourself .
I know you’re in a vulnerable place right now do this break is needed, just try to unwind and relax, over the next few days I’m sure an answer will come to you.
P.S. You’re still Jamari Fox with or without this guy
Absolutely not boo. Personally, I have a LOT of straight men in my life; some are comfortable with more personal and close relationships, while others keep it at a “bro” distance. All of this shit that work wolf is doing is making me automatically think that he’s terrified about his feelings. I think you’re throwing him off and that he’s nervous about liking your relationship too much. He probably doesn’t get the type and the amount of attention that you give him from the women he spends time with. Straight men who are comfortable having gay friends LOVE the attention and the compliments and sometimes even the affection that we give them; but that’s all they want. If they feel like there is a line being crossed or if it makes them start to question their sexuality – it’s over.
^^^^^this
An Apple watch?!
That is not a gift one gives to a friend from work.
I gave gift cards.
I wouldn’t even accept a gift like that from anyone other than family.
Manipulation.
He knows he’s holding all the cards. Then you got people on here suggesting you give him even more control?
I can’t and I won’t…
yes what kind of friend give a EXPENSIVE watch like that if you are not FUCKING! give it back
Yes, I agree about the manipulation. The way he treats women is a red flag alone.
Exactly! He asked for time apart but he’s giving out gifts????? This even isn’t mixed signs this is low Key Manipulation.
You hit the nail on the head!!!! Most straight guys I know wouldn’t spend that kind of money on another man unless he was close family. Some my say he considers Jamari “close family”. Here’s my response to that. I am considered to be the fashion forward person in my immediate family, but when I take them shopping I don’t go in the dressing room and dress them too. Definitely not tucking shirts in pants.
*eye-rolling* I’m exhausted. Whatever you choose whether you remain friends with him or not, I will support on your decision, but I feel like you could have shove some knives into him too and maybe you wouldn’t feel like a villain.
But you got me giggling a little bit (okay a lot) with the rapist statement. It was too funny. But yea please take a break from him. If you’re still friends with him, just remind yourself he’s str8 so hands off for now on and keep a distance like 2 feet
You’re not a villain, everyone plays a part when it comes to problems. You’re just another fox that was catching feelings. I wish a pineapple would try to act like this never happens. I know someone in the foxhole said when it comes to nagging, too much of a good thing can be bad. Can’t remember who.
On a side note, the GIFs had me dying today. 😂
You should try to redefine the “Work Wolf” saga in 2016. Decide if you want to fuck him or friend him. You can’t do both bro.
Not yet anyway lol
True. Him & Dude aren’t friends tho. Their whole relationship is weird. It feels like Tyler Perry is doing a long, drawn out, & poorly written story line on a badly acted show featuring Jamari and a co worker. If work wolf were his friend he would feel comfortable enough to tell him in that moment, in Jamari’s apartment, that he did not like his arms wrapped around him or even a quick “Cut it out J.” would have been adequate. Nothing major. Dude is more of a headache if anything man. Work wolf seems to enjoy the attention he receives from random women and also Jamari. He knows you care about him. He knows you’re attracted to him. He also knows that if he wanted to he could fuck you but I truly believe he may in fact be straight. Based on the past few years of viewing this website, Jamari seems to be a good dude. He deserves a dude that wants him and friends that like him.
I do understand what he means by incidental touch, and being asked to be touched vs lingering ,almost predatory touch.As a women I have to deal with this all the time.Is it an innocent brush against by breast or butt or is it a guy trying to cop a feel?
Just take a break.If you decide you can’t accept that watch let me know and I’ll send my contact info.😀
Ikr
You are being a bit annoying…. I was in love with this story and I know we are all human and I love your blog so don’t take this the hard way, but you may be doing too much….. You should admit to him you liked him because he has don’t suspect ish around you but you appreciate his friendship over everything and that your new leaf turner….. Honestly if you played the role of the friend from the get-go and not the life coach… This nigga would have prolly slipped up and you prolly would have been his first but you are playing to many roles in trying to keep his attention and he compared you to his mom…. Yeah lay low and legit be a friend and treat him exactly as you treat your other friends… Honesty is some real shit… And if he is your real friend, he will be there regardless
Here goes. An apple watch? Nice gift. I could give you a list of people I would buy an apple watch for….but a good friend from work….never. you mean something to him but he feels you are being more like the vixens you say he doesn’t like. Not sure why you would even think he is using you when you seem to potent he does all the buying.
His statement about you asking first…means let him control things. I’ll be honest he does some suspect things that would make me think twice but let him make the moves. Chill. He sees something he values in you. Let him make the move if he is into dudes. He doesn’t want to be labeled so don’t you limit your definition of yourself as gay, a fox or anything else. He doesn’t seem to like being put in a box.
Stop feeling some type of way about yourself when you make a mistake. It seems you become a different person around him. Be the person that drew him to you.
Focus on jamari and being a friend to him. Let him lead but don’t be a doormat. If you can’t handle that then cut ties and focus on you. You have given up alot of power to him. That usually happens when you are in love or In list with somebody. Let people work for your friendship.
Now it is up to you give him space. Let him drive. He needs to feel in control. Wear the watch daily. Don’t go out of your way to avoid him. He will be back but accept the terms he wants until he is comfortable enough to admit any interest he may or may not have or cherish having a great friend for life. He doesn’t seem like a bad dude and neither do you but you both have to work on yourselves and maybe yall are what each other needs. He tells you about yourself and you hear every word. You both have the same effect.
You are his safe place but if he feels he isn’t in control that specialness you share becomes less special
As Tony said to you, J…you are his safe place. He knows you like him and that feeds that ego of his.
Once you take him out of his position of “power”, he doesn’t like it…and his shutdown mechanism takes over…and he temporarily pushes you away. He’ll always come back because he needs you, but once you make him feel uncomfortable he pushes you away. He has issues within himself that he needs to deal with. Don’t push him, don’t drool over him anymore. It’s easier said than done, but you can do it. Be his friend, and nothing more.
2016…focus on Jamari and make those moves!